Can You Relate To This Story?
You meet an amazing girl. She’s a breath of fresh air and has everything you’ve been looking for – looks, smell, personality, humor, voice, skin tone, etc. She’s “perfect”. The total package. The real deal. On top of that, SHE’S REALLY INTO YOU!
You hit it off, become instantly inseparable, and EVERY DAY is spent hanging out or chatting on the phone. You feel like you’ve known each other for years and you can’t get enough… so you become attached quickly.
As the days go by, the intense “feelings” keep increasing and it’s pure euphoria. You’re way happier than you’ve been in LONG TIME, maybe happier than you’ve EVER been, and within days or a few weeks, the feelings become so intense and you’re flooded with so many emotions that you tell her you love her – WAY SOONER than you normally would. Luckily, she’s cool and admits she feels the same way and both of you are on cloud 9.
After it’s reached its climax, sadly, AS FAST AS it blossomed, the relationship, unexpectedly, falls apart.
You’re a freakin’ WRECK. You don’t want to eat, sleep, go to work, or even hang out with friends. You’re depressed because ALL YOU WANT IS HER BACK. But she doesn’t come back.
This isn’t the story of every man who falls in love too fast and I’m not saying love is a terrible thing. But, for a very large portion of us who have fallen in love too fast, it doesn’t end well.
It’s happened to me several times. I’ve fallen in love too fast, went all in, and ended up getting my heart stomped to pieces. I went in happy and came out feeling stupid.
As Corny As It Sounds, You Must Respect “Love”
Love is amazing and feels awesome. It’s wonderful when the girl you’re deeply in love with is by your side. It’s awesome when she’s on your mind 24/7 and you can’t wait to see her. That’s the top of the emotional scale. But love is also something that YOU MUST RESPECT and not be irresponsible with… like too many people are today.
Love should be a big deal to you and you don’t want to mess around be “in love” with every woman who shows interest.
If you’re not smart about love and you behave like a pre-teen girl meeting her boy band crush with every woman you “click” with, love will bite you in the ass every single time.
Here are 10 reasons you have to be smarter and more responsible when it comes to falling in love:
1. Falling In Love Too Fast Can Be Unstable
Like all creatures, we’re naturally wired to find a mate. It’s in our DNA. When we don’t have a mate, we naturally feel something is “off”. When we finally find the right mate, the thing that’s a little “off” becomes “just right”.
Love gives us extra self-esteem, confidence, and motivation. We can be down in the dumps when we’re single but feel like a million bucks when we’re in love. Like we’re unstoppable and can do or be anything! It makes us feel “complete”.
But, many of us are ADDICTED to falling in love and we lack emotional intelligence and control when we meet women!
When we meet an amazing woman, we go TOO HARD, TOO HEAVY, TOO FAST, fall in love quickly, and it falls apart just as quickly.
The faster you fall in love, the faster it can fall apart.
Just like in business, if you grow too fast or make too much money too fast, your chances of sustaining the business or money decrease. But, when the business grows slowly and steadily along with your money, the chances of your business and money sticking around are higher. Those who get rich overnight are usually broke within 5 years.
It’s the same with love and relationships. It works better when you’re smart and taking it slow, easy, and steady.
The Cycle of Falling in Love Too Fast
When the quickly blossoming relationship doesn’t work out, it’s the lowest of lows. You’re depressed, hating life, and wishing you could stop the negative feelings and emotions. It’s the “roller coaster” effect experienced from falling in love too fast and getting overly attached someone we barely know.
This is the roller coaster effect:
- You meet her
- Get too excited about and “giddy”
- You fail to practice self and emotional-control and things move too fast
- Feelings of “love” sprout prematurely
- You’re on cloud 9
- Something “bad” suddenly happens
- Instead of keeping your cool, you freak out and try to fix it, but nothing works
- It ends up “not working out”
- You go through depression, sadness, hating life, and feeling like a failure
- Eventually, you accept what happened and decide to move on
- You meet another great woman, get too excited, and the cycle starts over
Balance and stability is key when it comes to love and attachment.
2. Falling In and Out of Love Is Dangerously Addicting
Using drugs is like giving your brain a giant piece of candy. Dopamine floods your brain and you feel really good all over. So good, in fact, that the more times you do it, the more drugs you “crave” to combat your brain’s desensitization to it!
When in love, your brain releases Dopamine, Norepinephrine, and Oxytocin as well as other chemicals associated with pleasure and excitement. These chemicals give you a natural high and make you feel fantastic. Your “pain”, frustration, worries, and anxiety just vanish. But like drugs, if you overdo it and you’re irresponsible, falling in love becomes DANGEROUSLY ADDICTIVE.
Ever seen someone who was always in love with a different person every time you saw them and their relationships never lasted long? They meet someone, fall in love, get bored, go through the emotional roller coaster, post pity-seeking stuff on Facebook, and then find someone else to make them feel that “high” again. It’s an addictive cycle!
They’re addicted to the POWERFUL “love chemicals” that make them feel really good. When the feeling is gone, they fall in love too fast AGAIN to get another “hit” of it. They’re, for lack of a better term, “love addicts”.
3. Falling In Love Too Fast Can Indicate Low Standards
You’re pickier about who you get close to and develop feelings for when your standards are high and women don’t want men who latch onto every girl that comes along. It looks desperate and needy.
Become absolutely clear on who you do and don’t want for yourself and your life and stop settling for just anyone.
Without this line drawn clearly in your mind, you end up with someone you don’t want and who doesn’t, and never will, make you truly happy.
Within reason, the higher your standards are, the healthier falling in love is and the more content you’ll be.
4. Getting Attached Easily is a Sign of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem men look to boost their confidence and self-esteem with validation from other people. They’re using people and things to feel better about themselves. Falling in love too fast with someone you barely even know and, then, getting heartbroken hurts your self-esteem, even more.
Instead of patching up your self-esteem using the love, attention, and the approval of another person, DO IT WITH YOUR OWN LOVE. Give YOURSELF what you’re seeking in others. Figure out the source of your low self-esteem and begin fixing it. Start looking on the inside and see what changes you need to make to yourself to start increasing your level of happiness. When you’ve invested enough time and energy into fixing your self-esteem, the need for outside approval begins to vanish.
We don’t need to get attached or constantly be in love to feel better about ourselves. It needs to come FROM THE INSIDE. When the approval and validation is coming from an internal place, your chances of it working out with women increases dramatically.
5. Falling in Love Too Fast Communicates Co-Dependency
Co-dependency is depending on others for what you should be handling on your own. You’re unhappy unless you have someone to latch onto – someone who accepts and is cool with your co-dependency.
Falling in love too fast is a sign you’re co-dependent because you easily get attached and fall in love without hesitation or second thoughts.
Besides not being codependent, you should avoid women who show strong signs of co-dependency. The last thing you want in your life is a woman who can’t function without you by their side. You also don’t want to be the guy who can’t do anything without her by your side as well.
Independent men evaluate situations and proceed with caution when it comes to emotions and experiencing “feelings of love”.
They don’t jump blindly into relationships head first.
6. Falling in Love Too Fast Can Be Psychologically Unhealthy
Over time, the highs and lows of falling in love too fast takes its toll – psychologically. The emotions you feel when it doesn’t work out physically AND mentally drain you.
When you’re down in the dumps, you suffer – you can’t sleep, you’re worn out, and feeling lazy, fatigued, and worthless. On top of that, your mind isn’t clear, you’re not focused, and you’re mentally and emotionally drained. Experiencing this deeply negative mental state over and over damages you. Studies reveal that chronic or consistent depression can literally DAMAGE YOUR BRAIN. Positive thoughts and experiences stimulate the growth of nerve connections in your brain. Negativity and depression kills brain cells, neurons, and nerve connections.
So, falling in and out of love too fast leads to constant depression and kills your brain cells. It also can lead to PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is a side effect of a traumatic event. Getting your heart broken over and over is traumatic, it cuts deep, and causes pain that can TAKE YEARS to go away.
7. It Communicates Immaturity
When approaching any kind of relationship, it’s mature to view it from different angles and proceed with caution. It’s immature to jump head first into something that can affect your life negatively if it doesn’t work out.
Too many of us go all-in without thinking about what we’re doing and it ends horribly.
The mature thing to do is to look at the pros and cons of the situation, give it heavy thought, and take it one single step at a time.
8. It Makes You Needy and Clingy
Rather than “needing” to be in love or attached to women, it’s better to be happy with being single and pickier in who you date and get into a relationship with.
Neediness takes your attention and focus away from reaching goals and improving yourself and places it all on being in love and having a relationship.
Being more concerned with “love” than becoming the best you can be is a big red flag and a sign that you should take a step back from it and reassess your life, situation, and priorities.
9. Falling In Love Too Fast Makes Your Life Chaotic
You need peace and stability in your life and the ups and downs of always falling in love too fast takes away from it.
Falling in love to fast and jumping from one relationship to another leads to constant chaos, drama, sadness, worry, stress, and a lack of balance. You may be able to handle the storms for a while, but, over time, it ruins your happiness and peace of mind and drives you crazy.
In order to be the man women actually want, you must mitigate the chaos.
10. It Makes You a Weak-Minded Person
In the eBook and Audiobook How to Quit Being a Loser With Women, there’s a part called Learn To Be Happy and Single First.
If you aren’t content being single and believe being in one relationship after another increases the amount of happiness you feel, you’re weak.
You’re worthless to women.
If your life sucks because you don’t have a girlfriend, you’re bringing that “weakness” into your relationships and it’s contributing to its failure.
BUT, if you get your life together FIRST before getting attached and falling in love, you’re entering the relationship with a strong mindset and it’s more likely to work out. She’s much more likely to be happier with you.
Invest the time and energy learning how to be happy ON YOUR OWN, first, before jumping into relationships.
If you’re using love to fill a “void” or if you’re addicted to falling in love then, yes, it’s a weak, terrible, and stupid thing to do.
But, if you, coincidentally, fall in love sooner than expected, you’re not desperate, you’re not trying to fill a “void”, you’re not being needy, it isn’t something you do often, and it’s 100% genuine, then go for it! We only live once. Enjoy your life.
JUST REMEMBER, MANY PEOPLE FALL OUT OF LOVE AS FAST AS THEY FALL INTO IT. Its age old wisdom.
It’s smart to take your time not rush into love and relationships too often.
If she’s moving too fast, SLOW HER DOWN.
Thanks for reading,
– Marc Summers
4 Dangerous Reasons Not to Fall in Love Too Fast by Matthew Hussey