*** Let me start off by saying that I DO believe in love at first sight and that two people who are absolutely right for each other can meet and fall in love immediately with no problems at all. It does happen and it’s great when it does. Sometimes people just “sync up” and it’s history. But it doesn’t happen as often as we would like it to.
Can You Relate To This Story?
We’ve all been here a time or two…
You meet a girl who is unbelievably amazing. She’s a breath of fresh air and has everything you’ve desired and have been looking for – Looks, personality, sense of humor, voice, skin tone, etc.
She’s “perfect” in every way.
The total package. The real deal.
On top of that, SHE’S REALLY INTO YOU!
You and her hit it off, become instantly inseparable, and EVERY DAY is spent hanging out in person or chatting on the phone.
You both feel like you’ve known each other for years and you can’t get enough… so you become attached fairly quickly.
As the days go by, the intense “feelings” that you have for each other go through the roof and it’s pure euphoria.
You’re way happier than you’ve been in LONG TIME. Maybe even happier than you’ve EVER been and within days or a very few weeks, the feelings become so intense and you’re flooded with so many emotions that you feel the URGE to spill your guts and tell her you love her.
So you do… WAY SOONER than you normally would.
Luckily she’s cool about it and admits she feels the same way and both of you are on cloud 9 and in pure bliss.
BUT sadly, AS FAST AS YOU FELL IN LOVE and your relationship took off like a rocket, it unexpectedly crashes and burns a few short weeks or months later.
You’re a freakin’ WRECK.
You don’t want to eat, sleep, go to work, or even hang out with friends.
You feel depressed because ALL YOU WANT is her back.
But she doesn’t come back…
Bummer isn’t it?!
Now this isn’t the story every guy who falls in love fast and I’m not saying that love is a terrible thing. Sometimes it works great and ends up in very fulfilling relationships, marriage, and lasts many years.
But, for a very large portion of us who have experienced something similar to this story, it didn’t have such a fairy tale ending.
So that leads me to:
Can falling in love too fast with a woman we just met be a bad thing?
Is it OK to fall in love fast or get attached quickly with a woman we just met?
Well, I’ve been in the same situation more than enough times.
I’ve fallen in love too fast, went all in, and ended up getting stomped on in the process. I went in smiling and practically came out in tears! Haha
But I don’t care about that stuff…
What I really care about is what I’ve learned from the heartbreaking experiences.
So let’s see if we can figure out an answer to these questions and come to a sensible conclusion…
First, As Corny As It Sounds, You Must Respect “Love”
Before anything else, I believe love is a great thing. It feels awesome. It’s wonderful when you go to sleep or wake up in the morning thinking about that girl OR that girl you’re deeply in love with is there beside you!
It’s awesome when the girl who makes you insanely happy is on your mind 24/7 and you can’t wait to see her.
It can be hard to find anything better.
But I also believe love is something that YOU MUST RESPECT and not be careless with… like many people are today.
Love should be a BIG DEAL to you…
Meaning that you don’t want to mess around be “in love” with every woman who takes an interest in you.
If you’re not smart about love and you behave like a pre-teen girl meeting her boy band crush with every woman you “click” with, love can creep up and bite you in the ass really hard. Meaning, it won’t be a pleasant experience in the end.
1. Falling In Love Too Fast Can Be Unstable
Like all creatures, we’re naturally wired to find a mate. We come with that already planted inside of us.
And for many of us, when we don’t have a mate, we instinctively feel something is a little bit “off” or not quite sitting right on the inside.
When we finally find the right mate, the thing that’s a little “off” becomes “just right”.
It’s a bit metaphorical and sketchy, but I’m sure you get the point.
Love gives us that extra self-esteem, confidence, and motivation.
We can be down in the dumps as a single guy but when we’re in love, we feel like a million bucks. Like we can do or be anything! Like we’re unstoppable!
Love fills that empty spot inside us and makes us feel complete.
Many of us are ADDICTED to this feeling of falling in love and we don’t know how to pump the brakes when we meet women!
Ok… so how is that unstable?
Well, I believe that as fast as you fall in love, that’s how fast things can come crumbling down around you… as it often does.
Many of us meet a girl and go TOO HARD, TOO HEAVY, TOO FAST (as my friend Megan puts it) and we many fall in love quickly, but it also falls apart just as quickly.
Ever had that happen? All of us have.
Just like in business, if you grow too fast or make too much money too fast, your odds of sustaining that business or keeping that money are going to be low. But when your business grows SLOWLY and steadily, and so does your money, the odds of your business and money dwindling are A LOT LOWER.
There’s a lot of people and businesses that got rich overnight – but it also fell apart overnight.
I believe the same applies to love and relationships.
It’s all about slow and taking your time.
So what happens when that high of being in love becomes a LOW?
From my experience, it sucks. It’s the lowest of lows.
You’re down in a place you never want to be at again IN YOUR LIFE – depressed, hating life, and wishing you could stop feeling the way you’re feeling.
On top of that, it takes a while for it to go away.
It’s the “roller coaster” effect all of us have experienced from time to time.
This bottom half of love sucks ass…. as I’m sure you know.
Falling in love too fast and getting attached too fast puts us on this roller coaster more often than we’d like to be. It’s like every few weeks we’re up, then every few weeks we’re down in the dumps.
Here’s the cycle I put together from my own experience and from what I see others go through:
- You meet a great woman.
- You get excited about and “giddy” about it.
- You don’t practice self-control and things move too fast.
- Feelings of “love” sprout really fast and prematurely.
- You’re on cloud 9 from being in love with the greatest woman ever.
- Something “suddenly” happens that isn’t good.
- Instead of being cool about it, you freak out and try to fix it, but nothing works.
- It ultimately ends up “not working out”.
- You go through depression, sadness, hating life, and feeling like a failure.
- You eventually accept what happened and decide to move on.
- You meet another great woman, you get too excited, and the cycle starts over.
A lot of us have gone through this cycle a couple of times and it gets old REALLY FAST!
Shit, I’ve gone through this cycle a bunch of times myself because I got too excited and fell in love too fast!
This is why I believe it’s important to be balanced and take your time when it comes to love and getting attached to girls.
Personally, I know a few guys like this who are always on the extreme side of the spectrum with everything they do. When they’re in love, they’re REALLY REALLY in love. Then when it doesn’t work out, they’re REALLY REALLY dramatic, emotional, and childish about it.
Balance and stability is key.
2. Falling In and Out of Love Can Be Addicting in a Bad Way
When a person uses drugs, it’s like they’re giving their brain a piece of candy.
A chemical called Dopamine floods their brain and it makes them feel really good all over.
So good, in fact, that the more times they do drugs to flood their brain with this chemical, the more drugs they have to do to combat their brain getting used to the drugs and keep the awesome feeling coming back!
When we’re in love, our brain releases Dopamine, Norepinephrine, and Oxytocin as well as other chemicals that are associated with pleasure and excitement.
These chemicals give us a natural high and make US feel good all over.
These chemicals make our “pain”, frustration, worries, and anxiety just GO AWAY…
But like drugs, if we overdo it with love and we’re careless, they can become HIGHLY ADDICTIVE.
Have you ever seen someone who was always in love with a different person every time you saw them and their relationships never lasted long?
They meet someone, fall in love, get bored, go through this emotional roller coaster that I described earlier, post a bunch of pitiful and dramatic stuff on Facebook, and then find someone else to make them feel that “high” again and someone who will make them feel “better”.
It’s an addictive cycle!
People do this because they’re addicted to these POWERFUL “love chemicals” that make them feel really good.
When the feeling wears off, they have to find another person to fall in love with so they can get another “hit” and feel that natural high.
They’re “Love Addicts”.
I’ve been there. Falling in love, falling out of love, getting weird, emotional, and then finding another person to bring me back up.
This cycle, unfortunately, gets you nowhere.
It’s like chasing your tail.
Try to notice if you’re in this cycle and do your best slow it down and take it easy.
3. Falling In Love Too Fast Can Be a Sign That You Have Low Standards
Those who have high standards are pickier and more selective about who they allow themselves to get close to, yet fall in love with!
Do you think women are attracted to a guy who will take just about anything that comes his way?
I don’t believe so because he’s too easy and, in a way, desperate.
If his standards were higher, he’d be pickier about who he allows to get close to him.
Women want a man with high standards. Who has a clear line drawn in his mind of what he will and won’t accept for himself and his life.
If he doesn’t have that line drawn, his attractiveness is lowered.
If he doesn’t have that line drawn, he won’t be very discerning in choosing a mate to have in his life.
In the end, he gets stuck with a woman who wasn’t what he wanted and who doesn’t, and never will, make him the happiest he could possibly be.
The clearer and more defined that line is for you and the higher your standards are, the more attractive women will ultimately find you.