Talking to Women Should Always Remain Simple, Light, and Not Too Serious
If I could tell you only one thing to help make talking to women easier, it would be to stop thinking and caring so much about saying the perfect things and asking the perfect questions.
The harder you try, the harder it will be to “connect” with her.
Don’t worry about being unique, interesting, and different because 99% of the time, it causes you to seem weird, nervous, and unnatural and she’s going to feel a big disconnect.
Almost everything in life works so much better and is so much easier when you just keep it simple – even the complex things!
The most complex but profitable businesses are masters at keeping everything as simple as possible.
The harder you try when you’re talking to women, asking them questions, and getting them to open up, the more likely you are to mess the whole thing up and seem like a boring guy.
The Best Questions and Conversations Aren’t Perfect. What Would You Ask Your Best Friend? What Do You Think She Talks to Her Best Friend About?
The interactions and conversations I have with my best friend Tony are smooth and effortless.
I’m not thinking about what to say next – it just flows.
I’m actually not thinking about anything when I talk to him, the conversations just happens naturally.
And guess what – we have the most memorable and entertaining conversations ever.
The same applies with women… they’re not being all serious, weird, and trying to ask the perfect questions with their best friends – they’re just “whatever” about it.
Think about your closest or best friend…
Do you worry about asking them the “perfect” questions?
Do you worry about what to say next so they’ll think you’re cool?
Of course not!
At least I hope you don’t.
They’re your best friend and doing such things would come off as weird.
You don’t give a damn if they think you’re a dork or being crazy – you’re just having a good time and you don’t care what they think.
So if this mindset is successful with your friends, why not keep the same mindset when you’re talking to women?
Why would you stop using something that works in situations where you need it to work the most?
It’s like having a powerful nail gun in the truck and instead of using it, you choose to use a tiny, light-weight hammer for hitting in 500 big nails.
It make no sense and you’re only making the job harder!
Does your best friend get up and run away when you’re having a good time and not worried about being perfect?
I’ve never seen it happen.
In my experience talking to women and getting them to relax, have a good time, laugh, and open up, I’ve learned it’s best to just relax and quit worrying about asking the most “interesting”, “intelligent”, or “never heard” questions.
The mindset of trying to be perfect backfires and blows up in your face.
Before I started writing this article, I did some research because I like to see what other people are saying about this topic.
You know what conclusion I came to?
I would NEVER ask 90% of the questions I ran across because they’re boring, unnatural, and “interviewy”. Yes, I just made that word up – my favorite thing to do.
Once again, if you wouldn’t talk to your good friend or best friend in that manner, why would you change it up when talking to women?
Don’t throw out what works!
Don’t treat her like she’s a robot who isn’t able to have a normal conversation.
She’s a normal person, she has a normal brain, and she thinks a lot of the same things you and your best friend do – you just have to draw it out of her.
When your questions come off as weird, unnatural, and it’s not something that’s “easy” for her to relate to, she’s going to have a hard time connecting with you, enjoying herself, and wanting to “progress” the relationship with you.
Keep the Conversation from Getting Too Serious Too Soon
An important part of having a real “connection” with her is being able to talk about the serious stuff but there’s is absolutely no place for it when you first meet her and are barely getting to know her.
The serious stuff comes WAY later in the friendship/relationship.
I keep it light because it works the best.
In fact, it works 10 times better.
Women are private and they’re not likely to just start sharing deep stuff with you if they don’t know you.
It only happens that way in the movies.
What I’m sharing with you in this article are some of the things I either ask/say regularly to women or I would easily ask/say without thinking twice about it.
These questions naturally blend in with my personality and if she’s the type of woman I’m looking for, she’ll gobble them up, run with them, and the conversation will be fun – which is exactly what she enjoys and wants.
“Interview-Like” Questions Are SOOOO Boring
Remember, don’t ask the boring questions.
You can ask those way later in the friendship/relationship when you’re getting to the deeper stuff.
But I never knew this before and I used to be the guy asking,
“So where are you from?”
“Do you have pets?”
“What do you do?”
“You like it?”
“What do you drive?”
and bla bla bla bla bla.
If she was better at conversation than I was, she could usually save it from crashing and burning by taking the wheel and steering it in a fun direction – but you’re not going be lucky enough to meet women like this often.
Most of the time, the conversation is like a car – you’re driving, she’s the passenger, and either you’re taking her somewhere fun or somewhere so boring and lame that she wants to open the door and jump out.
The reasons I avoid the basic “getting to know you” questions is because I’ve had better luck when I bypass ALL OF IT and move straight to the fun stuff.
In the big scheme of things, they don’t matter.
These 10 questions aren’t just to get her opening her mouth and making noises so you can feel like you’re closer to getting in her pants – they are to draw out her personality and give you an idea of how she thinks, rationalizes, and what she’s like in different situations so you can get a picture of what would be the right thing to ask or say next.
You can’t keep the conversation rolling smoothly if you have nothing to feed off of.
You have to be able to keep the conversation rolling smoothly and you can’t stay stuck on one subject too long.
It has to smoothly flow from one topic to the next.
These 10 questions are an attempt to create laughs, interesting conversation, and to mentally spar with her so there’s a better chance of making that mental connection we’re all aiming for.
It’s hard to have that physical connection without the mental connection.
One definitely needs the other.
From experience, if you can connect with her mentally, the physical connection will pretty much take care of itself.
You’re Aiming For Smooth and Memorable
So you can’t just belt these questions out one after another because then she’ll think you have them written down or you’ve rehearsed them.
That makes it weird and unnatural.
You have to wait until you see those doors open up and then slide through them like a thief in the night.
Got a pizza question? (Weird I know) Wait until she brings up food or pizza.
Make an effort to be smooth about it and blend your questions in with the appropriate topics.
Also, the most important reason these questions are pretty awesome is because they make the conversation and the interaction memorable – which is what you should be aiming for.
When she goes home, she remembers how much she laughed with you, the crazy stuff the two of you talked about, and how fun her time with you was.
So now that I’ve covered the “theory” of why these 10 questions seem to work pretty well, here they are: