22 Ways to Get Out of The Friend Zone

22 Ways to Get Out of The Friend Zone

how to quit being a loser with women

The Friend Zone Means You’ve Messed Up BIG TIME

get out of the friend zone

Your dreams of being with her and her desire to be with you both die when you PUT YOURSELF in the friend zone.

We’ve all been friend zoned at least once in our life and if you’re reading this, you’re probably there right now and trying to get out of it.

The friend zone is where guys who don’t know how to attract women end up and it takes some serious work to get out of it.

In the friend zone, she’s feeling no attraction for you and thinking of you only as a friend.


You Can’t Talk Your Way Out of The Friend Zone

get out of the friend zone

Trying to talk your way out of the friend zone, convincing her of what a great guy you are, why you’re better than the “jerks” she likes, and what a big mistake she’s making won’t work or get you closer to being her boyfriend. The phrase “actions speak louder than words” applies to the friend zone because your ACTIONS put you in the friend zone in the first place.

You much change your actions and behavior to get out of the friend zone.

Only your actions will change her mind – not your words. You also can’t try changing HER because that will push you even deeper into friend zone where it’s no man’s land.

Your behavior got you into the mess you’re in and only your behavior will get out of it.

You’re in the Friend Zone Because You’re BEING Unattractive

It doesn’t matter if she finds you physically attractive. Again, your behavior and actions put you in the friend zone. On the other side of the coin, she can think you’re ugly and still feel a lot of attraction for you. Your behavior, not your looks, is why you’re in the friend zone.

Trying Harder to do the Same Things Keeps You In the Friend Zone

If what you’re doing isn’t working, don’t try harder – try something different. Something you haven’t done before.

Don’t work harder – work smarter.

Here are 22 reasons you’re in the friend zone and 22 smarter and more effective ways to avoid the friend zone when interacting with women. These things change your situation, change the way she sees you, change how she FEELS, and change her mind about what kind of “friend” you are to her.


1. Accept It

getting out of the friendzone

It’s easy to lie to yourself about being in the friend zone and say, “She’s wrong! When the time is right, she’ll know what a great guy I am and she’ll want to be with me forever.”

Don’t kid yourself. She’s not going to magically change her mind because of one little thing you say or do. Attraction is deeper than that.

The first step to crawling out of the friend zone is to accept that you’re in it.

You need to accept:

  • The reality of your situation
  • YOUR ACTIONS put you there
  • You won’t EVER escape the friend zone unless you change your thinking, actions, and habits
  • She doesn’t want the type of guy you’re being. Something about it doesn’t make her “feel” attraction for you
  • Changing your thoughts, behavior, and habits is the only way you’ll get out of the friend zone
  • The problem isn’t:

  • Women don’t appreciate a “great” guy like you
  • Other “jerks” and “bad boys”
  • The world doesn’t work the way it’s “supposed to”
  • Acceptance is the first step to overcoming your situation.

    2. Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself

    Women aren’t attracted to “victim-minded” men and they definitely won’t let you out of the friend zone because they feel sorry for you. The more you act like a victim about it, the deeper you get stuffed into there.

    Don’t feel sorry for yourself, be mad at yourself, feel like you’re a loser, or feel like women will never give you a chance to be more than a friend. You’ll only make getting out of the friend zone that much harder.

    Just tell yourself, “Ok it’s cool. I’m not going to beat myself up. I got myself into this and I’ll get myself out.” Leave your emotions and feelings out of it.

    The more negative you are about it, the deeper you’ll dig yourself into the friend zone.

    3. Stop Obsessing Over Her

    obsessed man friend zone

    Stop thinking about her way more than you should. It’s kind of creepy and, over time, not healthy.

    If she’s on your mind the second you wake up, every minute of every hour of every day, and you’re constantly staring at her pictures on Facebook, it’s too much. Tone it down.

    Obsessing over her keeps you in the friend zone.

    Get a life and become too busy to think about her. Delete her photos from the “downloads” section of your phone that you stole off of Facebook. Stop stalking her on social media to see what she’s doing, where she’s at, what she’s posted, or who she’s talking to. Stop talking about her and asking about her when you’re around mutual friends.

    Get your mind off of her and place your focus on something else.

    4. Stop Calling and Texting So Much

    If you want the attraction she feels for you to change drastically, you have to stop calling and texting so much.

    She’s not going anywhere and you won’t die if you don’t talk to her. She won’t be worried sick that something happened to you.

    It’s important to create a “pattern interrupt”. If you have developed the pattern of calling and texting every single day, you need to interrupt the pattern by not calling and texting so much. Interrupt the pattern of her only seeing you as a friend by disappearing and making her wonder, “Where did he go? I haven’t heard from him.”

    Not calling and texting so much GETS HER ATTENTION and interrupts the “friend zone pattern”.

    When you stop calling and texting, you have her attention more than you normally do and you begin the process of getting out of the friend zone.


    5. Become Challenging – Make Her Work for Your Attention

    get out of the friend zone

    You put yourself in the zone when you’re WAY too easy. She doesn’t want a guy who isn’t a challenge.

    You’re not worth her time or attention if she doesn’t have to work for it.

    Have you ever noticed that guys who talk to other women, have a girlfriend, or have a wife get more attention from women? Ever notice she’s way more interested in the guy with more female options and doesn’t settle for any woman?

    It’s because women are competitive and they’re more attracted to what they can’t have.

    If you’re easy to get, you’re not seen as less valuable than the guy who’s a challenge.

    6. Stop Running Your Mouth

    Running your mouth and telling her your life story does not make her feel attraction. It removes the mystery, excitement, and wonder and she winds up BORED.

    What makes someone so fun, exciting, and cool when you meet them? It’s because you’re getting to know them! If you knew everything there was to know about someone within the first day of meeting them, you wouldn’t be as excited to hang out with them and you wouldn’t have as much fun.

    You ruin the fun when you tell women everything about yourself.

    Stop opening your mouth and revealing the details of your life. Logical thinking says the less she knows about you, the less she’ll want to be around you but the opposite is true. The less she knows, the more “fun” she has getting to know you.

    7. Let Her Miss You

    get out of friend zone

    When you disappear for a while and quit calling and texting so much, you give her the opportunity to miss you, think about you, and wonder about you. You’re interrupt the “friend zone” pattern and she feels the void of you not being there. Before you know it, she’s missing you, wants to talk to you, wants to know how you’re doing, what you’re doing, and who you’re doing it with.

    Stand out by being absent. Use her curiosity to start pulling yourself out of the friend zone.

    Thomas Haynes Bayly said in the song “Isle of Beauty” in 1839 – “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

    8. Show Less Interest

    less interested friend zone

    When you take time away from her and them come around to talking to her again, show less interest than you did before. If you show too much interest, she KNOWS she still has you wrapped around her finger and can still “have you” if she wants.

    Showing less interest makes you more challenging, mysterious, and harder to get – which she wants.

    Women are always more interested in the guy who’s not showing as much interest.

    I didn’t say to quit being interested – just stop letting your interest in her obvious. Keep it to yourself. After time goes by, she’ll unconsciously start showing and communicating more interest towards YOU.


    9. Stop Caring So Much

    When she talks about other guys, showing you care and getting weird and jealous will get you thrown in the friend zone with the other guys who care too much. Instead, when she talks about other guys, don’t let it bother you. If it does bother you, don’t let it show.

    When she sees you’re a guy who doesn’t give a damn, it sparks more attraction.

    She becomes attracted to your “carefree” and laid back attitude because she’s used to guys getting bent out of shape over small things.

    Show her you’re different by not caring about things that don’t matter.

    10. Relax

    friend zone relaxed

    Being tense, unable to relax, and nervous tells her she has power over you.

    She wants you to be calm, cool, and relaxed and when you’re not, she’s puts you in friend zone.

    When you’re not calm, cool, and relaxed, your energy causes her to feel weird being around you.

    She feels on edge, fidgety, and full of anxiety. It kills her ability to feel attraction for you.

    When you’re relaxed, she lets her guard down, chills out, and has a good time with you.

    Next time you’re around her and you’re nervous, uptight, and full of anxiety, go to the bathroom, put some water on your face, take a couple of deep breaths, and relax your mind. You need to develop the ability to calm your brain and body down, calm your breathing, focus, and you’ll feel better.

    11. Stop Putting Her on a Pedestal

    friend zone complimenting

    the #1 thing most, if not all, guys in the friend zone have in common is they’re too nice and they worship women. They think the nicer they are, the more compliments they give, and the more they suck up to her, the more she’ll see what a great guy they are. This pushes them so deep into the friend zone that even a search and rescue team won’t find them.

    To get out of the friend zone and stay out of it, quit:

  • Seeking her approval and validation
  • Caring so much what she thinks about you
  • Trying to be nicest guy in the world
  • She won’t think you’re a bad guy if you stop putting her on a pedestal and being too nice.

    In fact, she’ll appreciate you more for it and think you’re a pretty cool guy. She’s TIRED of men sucking up to her, seeking her approval, and showering her with compliments. She sees it as weak behavior.

    12. Stop Letting Her Use You

    If you’re buying her things, spending money on her, and paying her bills, she’ll automatically friend zone you because she doesn’t respect you. Women use men they don’t respect and if you’re buying her attention, some will take the bait and pretend to be interested in you.

    The story is the same every single time. Women say, “Hey, if he’s dumb enough to always offer me money and think I’m really interested in him, he deserves it.”

    If she thinks you’re dumb and gullible and she can pull a “fast one” on you, she’ll automatically friend zone you.


    13. Make Her Fix Her Own Problems

    friend make women fix their own problems

    Being the guy fixing women’s problems so you can be a hero or knight in shining armor won’t get you far. In fact, you’ll only wind up friend zone feeling unhappy, worn out, and used.

    When she has problems she created, don’t be the guy who makes it all better. Don’t be the guy who makes it all go away.

    She’s a responsible adult. If she created the problems, she’s able to solve and figure them out for herself.

    14. Stop Being Her Girlfriend

    friend zone girlfriend

    Attempting to get closeer to her by being her “friend” is a big mistake.

    Don’t be the guy who:

  • Listens to her “guy problems”
  • Goes shopping with her
  • Holds her purse while she dances with other guys
  • Gives her relationship advice when you secretly are in love with her
  • Lets her use you as a taxi
  • Constantly agrees her says, “Gosh, I know right!”
  • Invites her to have a “friendly” cup of coffee when you really want it to be a date
  • It’s better to be the guy who says, “I’m not trying to be your girlfriend or your ‘friend'” over the guy who says, “I’m glad we’re such good friends” and never speaks up about his true intentions.

    Women don’t magically fall in love with their best guy friend who is too scared to reveal his true feelings.

    It only works in the movies. Realistically, she’ll say, “Awww. But you’re such a great friend. I don’t want to mess that up.” – and off you’ll go to into the friend zone.

    15. Tell Her “No”

    To get her to take you seriously, start telling her “no” – regardless of how much you like her. “No” gets her attention, wakes her up, and tells her she’s dealing with a man who knows what he wants and doesn’t settle for less.

    Women friend zone and don’t respect “yes men” but love men who aren’t afraid to say “no”.

    If get out of the friend zone and stay out of it, tell her “no”, set boundaries, and don’t do anything you don’t want to do.

    16. Keep Your “Feelings” To Yourself

    friend let me love you

    You go from potential boyfriend to friend zone material is when you get emotional, open your mouth, spill your guts, and reveal your “feelings”. Women have a lot of experience with this and they can see it about to happen. So, when you say you want to “talk”, she walks you over to the friend zone door, opens it, and when you “confesses your love”, she says, “Aww that’s sweet!” Then she kicks you in, slams the door, and locks it.

    You have to keep your feelings to yourself if you want to get out of the friend zone.

    You have to stop:

  • Confessing to her how much you like her
  • Telling her how wonderful and perfect she is
  • Communicating how lovesick and lonely you are
  • Being too transparent and easy to “figure you out”
  • Stick to the 50/50 rule. If she tells you she “likes” you, you her “I like you too.” When she says she misses you, you tell her “I miss you too.” Etc. NEVER, ever, take it farther than she does… EVER. And if you don’t mean it, don’t say it.

    NEVER reveal more than she’s revealing.

    She’s gives YOU the power in the relationship when she confesses her “feelings” first – which is what you want.


    17. Work on Yourself

    improve yourself get out of friend zone

    A lot of men in the friend zone don’t want to physically, mentally, and emotionally improve themselves to become more attractive to women. They make excuses, blame her for not knowing what a “good guy” is, and believe that the perfect woman, who will appreciate and accept them as they are, will magically appear in their life.

    If you don’t do what it takes to get your act together and become the best version of yourself, you’re lowering your chances of women accepting you “as you are”. You can change your “as you are” by improving it, building upon it, and making it more attractive.

    In the eBook and Audiobook How to Quit Being a Loser With Women, you’ll learn if you want women to be attracted to you for “who you are”, then you have to improve yourself to the point where your “who you are” is very attractive and appealing.

    Improve “who you are” at the default level by working on yourself every single day.

    When you spend time every single day becoming better, it becomes second nature, automatic, and unconscious. It becomes “who you are”.

    18. Go On Dates and Don’t Discuss it with Her

    on date with different women

    You’re not doing anything wrong if you don’t tell her you go out on dates with other women. IT’S NONE OF HER BUSINESS. You’re not dating her, she’s not your girlfriend or wife, and she’s the person who stuck you in the friend zone. The more you leave to her imagination, the more power you’re taking away from her and giving back to yourself and the more likely she’ll be to want to be the girl you’re going out with.

    If you want her to show interest instead of friend zoning you, it’s necessary to create competition and scarcity.

    It’s necessary to become a guy who has options and raise your value by letting her see other women interested in you. You’re not playing mind games – you’re just communicating you’re valuable and not friend zone material.

    19. Stop Asking Permission

    Friend zone guys ask “Is it OK?” questions. They seek permission before they do anything because they’re afraid of her disapproving and running away.

    In the eBook and Audiobook 99 Bad Boy Traits, you’ll learn that bad boys don’t ask for permission. They don’t ask “is it ok?” before they do things. They just do it and they don’t care what she thinks. If she doesn’t like it, she won’t slap you and run away or think you’re a terrible person.

    If you want to get out of the friend zone, stop seeking her permission and stop being afraid to do what you’re going to do around her.

    Let’s be clear, this DOES NOT mean taking advantage of her in any way. It’s sad I have to say that…

    When you want to change the radio station or the song in the car, just do it. If you want to scoot her over or grab her hand to pull her through a crowd, just do it. Deal with the consequences later.

    Without hesitation or being weird about it, take the lead and be a man around her.

    20. Stop Following and Lead

    lead instead of follow

    Letting her take the lead, make the decisions, and call the shots will naturally cause her to see you as less of a man. She wants you to take the lead without second-guessing yourself.

    Women naturally follow when you’re “in charge” and leading the way.

    If she has to make all the decisions and you’re constantly asking her to choose her “favorite thing” so you can take her there, she’ll see as you weak and put you in the friend zone.

    Don’t be afraid to make the decisions, pick the place, pick the table, and even pick her drink if she isn’t there to decide what she wants. Women are pretty flexible, no pun intended, and not as picky as you think.


    21. Raise Your Standards

    raise your standards get out of the friend zone

    Highstandards on what you like, what you want, how you conduct yourself, and how others conduct themselves around you is key to preventing being put in the friend zone.

    Women like men with standards.

    When want you to have a clear definition in your mind of what you want, how you want it, where you want it, and you won’t settle for less.

    As a man, it gives you more power and communicates you’re absolutely sure of yourself.

    22. Stop Being Submissive

    And finally, being submissiveness will get you put in friend zone every single time.

    She doesn’t want you to put her on a pedestal and worship her. She doesn’t want that power over you.

    Women want an equal. A guy who they’re happy WITH – not above or below him.

    You’re not her servant. When she doesn’t want to feel above you or below you, but rather an equal, she feels more attraction and is less likely to friend zone you.


    Take these 22 ways to get out of the friend zone and incorporate them into “who you are”. When you’re around women who tell you you’re “just a friend”, look at what you’re doing and compare your behavior to what you’ve learned here.

    With conscious practice, changing the way you think, changing the way your mind works, changing your behavior, and changing your habits, you can maximize your chances of getting out of the friend zone and avoid every going back there.

    Thanks for reading,

    – Marc Summers

    The Science of the Friend Zone

    how to quit being a loser with women

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    22 Comments on “22 Ways to Get Out of The Friend Zone

    1. Well, if a woman respects herself, pretending to not like her and that you don’t care will just turn her off. Only people with low self-esteem run after someone who is not mutually interested in them. Men, women – respect yourselves.

    2. I loved this list – it is actionable!

      But, I am a woman in the friend zone! …My guy and I have very close for years, totally innocently, but suddenly I realized I’d fallen in love, about 2 months ago. I told him as much, and slept with him once :-/ but he feels there is too much at risk to pursue anything romantic. (We live together as roommates and our families are super close; we are in our 30s & our parents grew up together; we’ve all spent every holiday together, always).

      He has cherished me every day since this happened 2 months ago – but he doesn’t cherish me romantically; which feels awful for me. I have blocked him on social media, i do not use our nicknames with him anymore, i no longer say “love you”, and have stopped hanging out w/him… because it kills me that he loves me – would damn near take a bullet for me – but f*cks women who mean little if anything at all. I don’t ignore him – we live together! but I shut down the unguarded & carefree vibe we’d always had…

      He notices my absence; he misses me; he tells me he loves and he shows me he loves me dearly – but all w/o sexual signals. After I created this space between us, he has doubled down on his workload – but I’m sure he has a list of women ready to f*ck him… (we’re both good looking and I could date easily enough, but I don’t want sex that isn’t ‘magical’ lol; sex with him felt magical, the one time… smh).

      I created space between us only 3 weeks go and he still insists on taking care of me around the house, even though i no longer tell him my schedule or my whereabouts or when i wont sleep at home… So he saves dinner for me, and does all of the handy-work and chores and calls me when i don’t come home… and even though I created space between us, I did offer to join him to visit his son in the hospital.

      I want him to embrace & celebrate the opportunity(!!!) to have all of me as a woman… any advice? 🙁 He and I grew up together, through thick and thin. Does it matter that I went to college and graduate school but he sees himself as uneducated and unpolished? i adore all of him, because he protects all of me…

      help me out, fellas!! 🙂

        • ty for responding! I am tempted to agree with you!

          My gf gave me advice that echoes the MLD advice here!!!

          1. I told him the truth very plainly. I said, “I know you don’t see me the way I see you, and that is ok! I am not in your life, in that way – and it is ok!” Then, I disappeared for a three nights w/o notice and I kept my phone off for three days. I disappeared from 12/5-12/8.

          3. When I came home he was so sad, and he asked why I hadn’t given him a heads up that I was heading out for a few days. So, I told him the truth, “I needed to figure somethings out.” and he said, “Ok, well are you feeling better? :)” and I said, “somewhat, ty, I appreciate u asking”.

          4. Then on 12/8, I blocked him on whatsapp; to have clear boundaries! (but I didn’t block him on my phone or on imessage – in case of emergencies! his son is in the hospital for a few days yet…)

          5. I wrote this first post on 12/11

          6. By 12/14 – after 6 days of being blocked – he found a way to speak up! lol!! He asked me to give him 2-3 months to find an apartment for us. (we’re living in my mother’s apartment! she lives abroad so we ‘rent’ her 2 BR Coop). He said he disrespectful for entertaining adult feelings for me in her home when we both moved in here with platonic & innocent pretenses.

          6. That point of view and resolve, is exactly why I care about him – so his logic made sense to me, lol.

          7. I still have him blocked on whatsapp – but he has been coming home early from work to hang around the house, and texting my iphone, and asking about what I’m cooking and what he needs to buy for our big Christmas dinner next week…

          SO i will continue to head the 22 suggestions offered on this list!! Thankfully, I was so rattled by the tension we had that it was authentic and helpful for me to create some distance and boundaries between us! i felt better once I drew a line in the sand w/o being melodramatic or flakey!

          Happy Holidays, y’all!

          time will tell! <3

        • P.S. – I don’t know 100% that he is sleeping with women – but he was a player in his 20s, he and I had sex only once – 2 months ago, and everyone has physical needs…

          So – I ordered some adult products and left the packaging boxes by the recycle bin.

          Therefore, no matter how this plays out, either I’ll be living alone and meeting new folks, or I’ll be patient and distracted while he makes good on his word…

          • If you really want him this might do the trick. But keep in mind he does the same thing to woman to stay out of the friend zone. Its up to you to get his “skills” to backfire. Also blocking him in anyway doesn’t work especially if you guys live together, unblock him from all social media For our experiments to work.

            The article has some good tips but here are the ones i feel are the most important ones.

            He needs to miss you so playing hard to get must be executed.

            You need to tease him a good example is while he’s eating tell him he has something on his lip as he’s trying to whip it off tell him “no more to your left, its still there, oh darn you made it worse” Try to tease him frequently.

            Show less interest. He has a son in the hospital i get it but you cannot care. He sleeps with woman who dont care about his kid. (Its your call but I would stop) Use short responses like cool. If he asks how your day was say “it was alright” dont let conversation drag from your part

            Allison this is what you’ll do to possibly get him.
            Get on bumble, tinder, pof, etc and start going on dates. Get dressed up dont tell him when you are coming back. If he asks where you are going just say “out”. Dating will make you more challenging and harder to get. Who knows maybe you’ll find someone else.

            Dont ask him how his day was unless he asks first, show lack of interest dont give him advice, if you have to channel it-its your call.

            Since you guys live together and sometimes have to eat together this is where TEASING can help. It can add balance to the other rules bends them but not break them. Teasing will make him see your mild dark side your sense of humor just as long as you don’t take it too far and make him cry just a teaspoon of teasing-ing here and there. Right before you go out on a date tell him “Hey did you see the eviction notice” he’ll freak out then say “apparently people complained about your music you listened to” after he sees you are joking smile and say hey you smell good by the way. Walk out. Always end it on a high note.

            The fact that you guys live together might make these instructions harder but I know you can do it. Good luck -Ariel

    3. Excellent list. I’m executing more than 3/4 of it since she asked for separation. It’s adding up on MY account, I’m significantly improving besides having always improved myself. The more powerful you become, the more you question if she’s still worth it.

    4. I wish I could’ve read this sooner before I messed everything up and getting friendzoned two days ago, I admit I was being too open and too submissive to her and placed her on a pedestal. Anyway, thanks for the advice, Marc, I really appreciated this piece and took time to read it from top to bottom. Gonna start applying this kind of mentality from now on.
      Again, Thank you.

    5. I have messed twice and as close as just this evening for the second time! I am better wiser but old habbits…. i will get to work !

    6. After reading all this info. I realized that its actually my fault for being too nice to my so called friend. We go to the gym together almost everyday before and we also go to the movies as well but everything stopped because she said I don’t let her finish when she talks, I don’t even do all these every time. Being too nice is also part of it too. She spoke about it indirectly. I do text her every 3 or 4 days, which might be one of the reasons why she avoided me and those reasons I mentioned above. So far , she blocked me on WhatsApp for 2 weeks now.we haven’t seen each other for 3 weeks. I’ll just have to let it go.

    7. That’s why I don’t want to fall in love and pursuit girls anymore. People are dishonest all the time. I don’t need any special person to be super dishonest about the most important things to me, which is my feelings. That’s just insane, pointless, garbage. I can sort all my physical needs with money, but my psychological need cannot be solved in this way you describe.

    8. I am a victim if most if the problems outlined I the write up and very much grateful for the advice given. Thank you very much.

    9. Wonderful advice,,I totally lost a girlfriend but never knew the cause,, to my surprise after going through this,,I’m now aware of what caused all that am grateful coz your talk totally describes the have been

      • After reading thisI realised I have been messing things up for myself all along, that shit is gon change right now cus I just got enlightened.

    10. WAooo,, it really worked,, thank you so much… guys get his audio books, and listen to them several times. Nail the relationship then .
      Most of the stuff in internet for attracting women is just garbage. I have not seen the material like here.

    11. This is very useful information that will definitely come in handy. Especially concerning a certain girl I have a crush on. Thanks.

    12. Excellent advice. I’ve learned a ton reading this column. I’m guilty of about 10 out of 22 with a certain girl. I know the challenge works because as soon as I become more of a challenge (quit texting, etc) then she shows more interest. Thanks.

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