The Friend Zone Means You’ve Messed Up BIG TIME
Your dreams of being with her and her desire to be with you both die when you PUT YOURSELF in the friend zone.
We’ve all been friend zoned at least once in our life and if you’re reading this, you’re probably there right now and trying to get out of it.
The friend zone is where guys who don’t know how to attract women end up and it takes some serious work to get out of it.
In the friend zone, she’s feeling no attraction for you and thinking of you only as a friend.
You Can’t Talk Your Way Out of The Friend Zone
Trying to talk your way out of the friend zone, convincing her of what a great guy you are, why you’re better than the “jerks” she likes, and what a big mistake she’s making won’t work or get you closer to being her boyfriend. The phrase “actions speak louder than words” applies to the friend zone because your ACTIONS put you in the friend zone in the first place.
You much change your actions and behavior to get out of the friend zone.
Only your actions will change her mind – not your words. You also can’t try changing HER because that will push you even deeper into friend zone where it’s no man’s land.
Your behavior got you into the mess you’re in and only your behavior will get out of it.
You’re in the Friend Zone Because You’re BEING Unattractive
It doesn’t matter if she finds you physically attractive. Again, your behavior and actions put you in the friend zone. On the other side of the coin, she can think you’re ugly and still feel a lot of attraction for you. Your behavior, not your looks, is why you’re in the friend zone.
Trying Harder to do the Same Things Keeps You In the Friend Zone
If what you’re doing isn’t working, don’t try harder – try something different. Something you haven’t done before.
Don’t work harder – work smarter.
Here are 22 reasons you’re in the friend zone and 22 smarter and more effective ways to avoid the friend zone when interacting with women. These things change your situation, change the way she sees you, change how she FEELS, and change her mind about what kind of “friend” you are to her.
1. Accept It
It’s easy to lie to yourself about being in the friend zone and say, “She’s wrong! When the time is right, she’ll know what a great guy I am and she’ll want to be with me forever.”
Don’t kid yourself. She’s not going to magically change her mind because of one little thing you say or do. Attraction is deeper than that.
The first step to crawling out of the friend zone is to accept that you’re in it.
You need to accept:
The problem isn’t:
Acceptance is the first step to overcoming your situation.
2. Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself
Women aren’t attracted to “victim-minded” men and they definitely won’t let you out of the friend zone because they feel sorry for you. The more you act like a victim about it, the deeper you get stuffed into there.
Don’t feel sorry for yourself, be mad at yourself, feel like you’re a loser, or feel like women will never give you a chance to be more than a friend. You’ll only make getting out of the friend zone that much harder.
Just tell yourself, “Ok it’s cool. I’m not going to beat myself up. I got myself into this and I’ll get myself out.” Leave your emotions and feelings out of it.
The more negative you are about it, the deeper you’ll dig yourself into the friend zone.
3. Stop Obsessing Over Her
Stop thinking about her way more than you should. It’s kind of creepy and, over time, not healthy.
If she’s on your mind the second you wake up, every minute of every hour of every day, and you’re constantly staring at her pictures on Facebook, it’s too much. Tone it down.
Obsessing over her keeps you in the friend zone.
Get a life and become too busy to think about her. Delete her photos from the “downloads” section of your phone that you stole off of Facebook. Stop stalking her on social media to see what she’s doing, where she’s at, what she’s posted, or who she’s talking to. Stop talking about her and asking about her when you’re around mutual friends.
Get your mind off of her and place your focus on something else.
4. Stop Calling and Texting So Much
If you want the attraction she feels for you to change drastically, you have to stop calling and texting so much.
She’s not going anywhere and you won’t die if you don’t talk to her. She won’t be worried sick that something happened to you.
It’s important to create a “pattern interrupt”. If you have developed the pattern of calling and texting every single day, you need to interrupt the pattern by not calling and texting so much. Interrupt the pattern of her only seeing you as a friend by disappearing and making her wonder, “Where did he go? I haven’t heard from him.”
Not calling and texting so much GETS HER ATTENTION and interrupts the “friend zone pattern”.
When you stop calling and texting, you have her attention more than you normally do and you begin the process of getting out of the friend zone.
5. Become Challenging – Make Her Work for Your Attention
You put yourself in the zone when you’re WAY too easy. She doesn’t want a guy who isn’t a challenge.
You’re not worth her time or attention if she doesn’t have to work for it.
Have you ever noticed that guys who talk to other women, have a girlfriend, or have a wife get more attention from women? Ever notice she’s way more interested in the guy with more female options and doesn’t settle for any woman?
It’s because women are competitive and they’re more attracted to what they can’t have.
If you’re easy to get, you’re not seen as less valuable than the guy who’s a challenge.
6. Stop Running Your Mouth
Running your mouth and telling her your life story does not make her feel attraction. It removes the mystery, excitement, and wonder and she winds up BORED.
What makes someone so fun, exciting, and cool when you meet them? It’s because you’re getting to know them! If you knew everything there was to know about someone within the first day of meeting them, you wouldn’t be as excited to hang out with them and you wouldn’t have as much fun.
You ruin the fun when you tell women everything about yourself.
Stop opening your mouth and revealing the details of your life. Logical thinking says the less she knows about you, the less she’ll want to be around you but the opposite is true. The less she knows, the more “fun” she has getting to know you.
7. Let Her Miss You
When you disappear for a while and quit calling and texting so much, you give her the opportunity to miss you, think about you, and wonder about you. You’re interrupt the “friend zone” pattern and she feels the void of you not being there. Before you know it, she’s missing you, wants to talk to you, wants to know how you’re doing, what you’re doing, and who you’re doing it with.
Stand out by being absent. Use her curiosity to start pulling yourself out of the friend zone.
Thomas Haynes Bayly said in the song “Isle of Beauty” in 1839 – “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
8. Show Less Interest
When you take time away from her and them come around to talking to her again, show less interest than you did before. If you show too much interest, she KNOWS she still has you wrapped around her finger and can still “have you” if she wants.
Showing less interest makes you more challenging, mysterious, and harder to get – which she wants.
Women are always more interested in the guy who’s not showing as much interest.
I didn’t say to quit being interested – just stop letting your interest in her obvious. Keep it to yourself. After time goes by, she’ll unconsciously start showing and communicating more interest towards YOU.
9. Stop Caring So Much
When she talks about other guys, showing you care and getting weird and jealous will get you thrown in the friend zone with the other guys who care too much. Instead, when she talks about other guys, don’t let it bother you. If it does bother you, don’t let it show.
When she sees you’re a guy who doesn’t give a damn, it sparks more attraction.
She becomes attracted to your “carefree” and laid back attitude because she’s used to guys getting bent out of shape over small things.
Show her you’re different by not caring about things that don’t matter.
Being tense, unable to relax, and nervous tells her she has power over you.
She wants you to be calm, cool, and relaxed and when you’re not, she’s puts you in friend zone.
When you’re not calm, cool, and relaxed, your energy causes her to feel weird being around you.
She feels on edge, fidgety, and full of anxiety. It kills her ability to feel attraction for you.
When you’re relaxed, she lets her guard down, chills out, and has a good time with you.
Next time you’re around her and you’re nervous, uptight, and full of anxiety, go to the bathroom, put some water on your face, take a couple of deep breaths, and relax your mind. You need to develop the ability to calm your brain and body down, calm your breathing, focus, and you’ll feel better.
11. Stop Putting Her on a Pedestal
the #1 thing most, if not all, guys in the friend zone have in common is they’re too nice and they worship women. They think the nicer they are, the more compliments they give, and the more they suck up to her, the more she’ll see what a great guy they are. This pushes them so deep into the friend zone that even a search and rescue team won’t find them.
To get out of the friend zone and stay out of it, quit:
She won’t think you’re a bad guy if you stop putting her on a pedestal and being too nice.
In fact, she’ll appreciate you more for it and think you’re a pretty cool guy. She’s TIRED of men sucking up to her, seeking her approval, and showering her with compliments. She sees it as weak behavior.
12. Stop Letting Her Use You
If you’re buying her things, spending money on her, and paying her bills, she’ll automatically friend zone you because she doesn’t respect you. Women use men they don’t respect and if you’re buying her attention, some will take the bait and pretend to be interested in you.
The story is the same every single time. Women say, “Hey, if he’s dumb enough to always offer me money and think I’m really interested in him, he deserves it.”
If she thinks you’re dumb and gullible and she can pull a “fast one” on you, she’ll automatically friend zone you.
13. Make Her Fix Her Own Problems
Being the guy fixing women’s problems so you can be a hero or knight in shining armor won’t get you far. In fact, you’ll only wind up friend zone feeling unhappy, worn out, and used.
When she has problems she created, don’t be the guy who makes it all better. Don’t be the guy who makes it all go away.
She’s a responsible adult. If she created the problems, she’s able to solve and figure them out for herself.
14. Stop Being Her Girlfriend
Attempting to get closeer to her by being her “friend” is a big mistake.
Don’t be the guy who:
It’s better to be the guy who says, “I’m not trying to be your girlfriend or your ‘friend'” over the guy who says, “I’m glad we’re such good friends” and never speaks up about his true intentions.
Women don’t magically fall in love with their best guy friend who is too scared to reveal his true feelings.
It only works in the movies. Realistically, she’ll say, “Awww. But you’re such a great friend. I don’t want to mess that up.” – and off you’ll go to into the friend zone.
15. Tell Her “No”
To get her to take you seriously, start telling her “no” – regardless of how much you like her. “No” gets her attention, wakes her up, and tells her she’s dealing with a man who knows what he wants and doesn’t settle for less.
Women friend zone and don’t respect “yes men” but love men who aren’t afraid to say “no”.
If get out of the friend zone and stay out of it, tell her “no”, set boundaries, and don’t do anything you don’t want to do.
16. Keep Your “Feelings” To Yourself
You go from potential boyfriend to friend zone material is when you get emotional, open your mouth, spill your guts, and reveal your “feelings”. Women have a lot of experience with this and they can see it about to happen. So, when you say you want to “talk”, she walks you over to the friend zone door, opens it, and when you “confesses your love”, she says, “Aww that’s sweet!” Then she kicks you in, slams the door, and locks it.
You have to keep your feelings to yourself if you want to get out of the friend zone.
You have to stop:
Stick to the 50/50 rule. If she tells you she “likes” you, you her “I like you too.” When she says she misses you, you tell her “I miss you too.” Etc. NEVER, ever, take it farther than she does… EVER. And if you don’t mean it, don’t say it.
NEVER reveal more than she’s revealing.
She’s gives YOU the power in the relationship when she confesses her “feelings” first – which is what you want.
17. Work on Yourself
A lot of men in the friend zone don’t want to physically, mentally, and emotionally improve themselves to become more attractive to women. They make excuses, blame her for not knowing what a “good guy” is, and believe that the perfect woman, who will appreciate and accept them as they are, will magically appear in their life.
If you don’t do what it takes to get your act together and become the best version of yourself, you’re lowering your chances of women accepting you “as you are”. You can change your “as you are” by improving it, building upon it, and making it more attractive.
In the eBook and Audiobook How to Quit Being a Loser With Women, you’ll learn if you want women to be attracted to you for “who you are”, then you have to improve yourself to the point where your “who you are” is very attractive and appealing.
Improve “who you are” at the default level by working on yourself every single day.
When you spend time every single day becoming better, it becomes second nature, automatic, and unconscious. It becomes “who you are”.
18. Go On Dates and Don’t Discuss it with Her
You’re not doing anything wrong if you don’t tell her you go out on dates with other women. IT’S NONE OF HER BUSINESS. You’re not dating her, she’s not your girlfriend or wife, and she’s the person who stuck you in the friend zone. The more you leave to her imagination, the more power you’re taking away from her and giving back to yourself and the more likely she’ll be to want to be the girl you’re going out with.
If you want her to show interest instead of friend zoning you, it’s necessary to create competition and scarcity.
It’s necessary to become a guy who has options and raise your value by letting her see other women interested in you. You’re not playing mind games – you’re just communicating you’re valuable and not friend zone material.
19. Stop Asking Permission
Friend zone guys ask “Is it OK?” questions. They seek permission before they do anything because they’re afraid of her disapproving and running away.
In the eBook and Audiobook 99 Bad Boy Traits, you’ll learn that bad boys don’t ask for permission. They don’t ask “is it ok?” before they do things. They just do it and they don’t care what she thinks. If she doesn’t like it, she won’t slap you and run away or think you’re a terrible person.
If you want to get out of the friend zone, stop seeking her permission and stop being afraid to do what you’re going to do around her.
Let’s be clear, this DOES NOT mean taking advantage of her in any way. It’s sad I have to say that…
When you want to change the radio station or the song in the car, just do it. If you want to scoot her over or grab her hand to pull her through a crowd, just do it. Deal with the consequences later.
Without hesitation or being weird about it, take the lead and be a man around her.
20. Stop Following and Lead
Letting her take the lead, make the decisions, and call the shots will naturally cause her to see you as less of a man. She wants you to take the lead without second-guessing yourself.
Women naturally follow when you’re “in charge” and leading the way.
If she has to make all the decisions and you’re constantly asking her to choose her “favorite thing” so you can take her there, she’ll see as you weak and put you in the friend zone.
Don’t be afraid to make the decisions, pick the place, pick the table, and even pick her drink if she isn’t there to decide what she wants. Women are pretty flexible, no pun intended, and not as picky as you think.
21. Raise Your Standards
Highstandards on what you like, what you want, how you conduct yourself, and how others conduct themselves around you is key to preventing being put in the friend zone.
Women like men with standards.
When want you to have a clear definition in your mind of what you want, how you want it, where you want it, and you won’t settle for less.
As a man, it gives you more power and communicates you’re absolutely sure of yourself.
22. Stop Being Submissive
And finally, being submissiveness will get you put in friend zone every single time.
She doesn’t want you to put her on a pedestal and worship her. She doesn’t want that power over you.
Women want an equal. A guy who they’re happy WITH – not above or below him.
You’re not her servant. When she doesn’t want to feel above you or below you, but rather an equal, she feels more attraction and is less likely to friend zone you.
Take these 22 ways to get out of the friend zone and incorporate them into “who you are”. When you’re around women who tell you you’re “just a friend”, look at what you’re doing and compare your behavior to what you’ve learned here.
With conscious practice, changing the way you think, changing the way your mind works, changing your behavior, and changing your habits, you can maximize your chances of getting out of the friend zone and avoid every going back there.
Thanks for reading,
– Marc Summers