We’re Too Nervous, Anxious, Uptight, And High-Strung
We’re overstimulated from social media, advertising, music, television, and the internet. We have more options than our brain can handle and all of the “noise” makes it easy to feel freaked out, anxious, nervous, weird, high-strung, and sketchy. Stress, worry, and tension is becoming an everyday occurrence and we’re getting so used to being stressed, worried, and tense that most of us don’t even realize when we’re high-strung and on edge.
Since calm and relaxed is something we’re not used to, it’s vital to learn how to become unusually calm, chilled out, and not let things get under your skin.
Calm, Cool, Collected, Relaxed, and Composed Communicates Confidence And Mental Strength
Being high-strung, anxious, nervous, and fidgety makes everyone feel “off”, uptight, and uneasy. But calm, cool, and collected makes you easier to get along with and more likable. You’re setting the standard for the temperament others should naturally have and you’re reminding them to calm down, relax, and be cool – without saying a word.
When you’re unusually calm, cool, and collect, others are more likely to admire you, look up to you, and want to be more like you. They’re more likely to want to be around you. Your composure and calm demeanor makes others feel, in a way, “safer” and more comfortable and secure.
Regardless of what’s happening, my good friend Phil is extremely calm, cool, collect, and composed. NOTHING gets under his skin or makes him overly excited and anxious. As a result, people like being around him and everyone wants to be his friend.
Women Love Calm, Cool, Collect, And Relaxed Men
Calm, cool, collect, relaxed, and composed causes women to want to be around you. Your composure and temperament makes them feel “safer”, happier, calmer, and more relaxed because you’re just so “cool” about everything. High-strung, stressed, worried, nervous, and anxious men freak women out and cause them to run away.
When given the choice, women prefer relaxed, cool, and calm men over men who can’t keep it together.
Calm, Cool, And Collect Helps You Avoid Mistakes
“Cooler heads prevail” is true in every situation you’ll find yourself in. When you’re stressed, worried, freaking out, and your emotions are taking over, it’s easier to make mistakes and make decisions that, in retrospect, aren’t the best for the situation. It’s important to always remain calm, cool, collect, and relaxed so you can think clearly and not overreact to whatever is happening.
Most of the mistakes we make are the product of being tense, anxious, and on edge and we get the best results when we’re able to remain calm, cool, and relaxed.
So to help you get on the right track, here are 27 ways to remain calm, cool, and collect in all situations.
1. Remain Grateful
It’s easy for negative feelings to cause you anxiety and stress when you’re unhappy with your current situation, where you’re at, and what you’re getting from life. Instead of worrying about what you don’t have, where you’re not at in your life, and what you’re not getting at the moment, make the conscious decision to express gratitude and be happy with where you’re currently at.
You may not have what you want at the moment, but you at least have what you need. There’s ALWAYS something to be grateful for. Don’t beat yourself up and stress about where your life currently is and what you don’t have.
Be happy with where you’re at – even if you’re aiming for bigger and better. Each step of the way, look around you and say, “I’m happy with this because I know it could be worse.”
2. Only Worry About Now
Another part of being happy and grateful for what you have and where you’re at is not tangling up the past, present, and future.
Thinking, stressing, and worrying about what happened yesterday, last week, or last year won’t change it and it’s a waste of your time. Tomorrow, next week, or next year doesn’t really matter until you get there. Yes, it’s wise to plan and prepare for the future but it’s pointless to stress out about it.
You have the power to control today and the decisions you’re making in this moment. Let what happened in the past go. Worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. This frees up space in your mind for you to become calmer, more relaxed, and happier.
3. Practice Patience
When you’re getting anxious, stressed, and worried, consciously make the decision to calm down, chill out, and relax your mind. Don’t react to the first emotions that come up. Consciously think about what’s happening in your mind and if it’s wise to say or do what you’re about to.
Patient people don’t allow their mind to control them. They decide that whatever comes up, they’re going to make the best choice – whether it’s to say or do something or remain silent and still. If they choose to say or do something, it’s done in a calm and intelligent manner.
Having patience includes letting others finish saying what they’re saying or doing before you respond. Think, “Is what I’m about to say or do what a very calm, cool, and collect person would say or do?”
Stop, analyze, make a wise decision, and then proceed.
4. Be In Your “Nothing Box”
I saw this video that talked about, and I also talk about it in the eBook and Audiobook Declare War on Yourself, and it’s so true, how men are able to switch from one mental box to another and women mix everything up. When men are doing something, they’re in that one mental box and they’re good at shutting off all other thoughts. When women are doing something, they have 20 mental channels open at once and they get stressed, anxious, and worried because they’re thinking about 20 things at once instead of just one. At work, you’re in your work box. In that moment, you’re only concerned about work and the job you’re doing. At home, you’re in your home box. You’re not concerned about work or anything else. At the gym, you’re in your gym box. You don’t care about anything happening in the next hour or outside of the gym. NOTHING else is taking place in your mind except for the current mental box you’re in.
So, when you want to calm down and relax, consciously switch to your box where nothing matters and you really don’t care. Turn off all other thoughts. Be in your “nothing box”. In that moment, nothing else matters or concerns you. Forget all the other mental boxes exist. Don’t worry about work, home, or anything else. Literally, empty your mind and switch to your “nothing box”.
Once practiced enough, it becomes second nature and helps you to become more calm, cool, collect, and relaxed.
5. Be Realistic
The calmest and most relaxed people are the most realistic about everything. They’re not stressing out, worrying, and getting anxiety wishing things were different. They have an, “Oh well, it is what it is” attitude towards everything. If they want more money, they don’t stress out thinking the monetary system is rigged and they’re being screwed over by “the man” – they know they either have to work smarter and harder, work more hours, get a higher paying job, get a new career, etc. Instead of stressing out and worrying, they do something about it.
If certain men want to get better with women, they don’t stress out, worry, and get anxiety thinking women are the problem – they improve themselves, educate themselves, and work torwards becoming more attractive.
The most anxious and stressed out people are out of touch with reality. They refuse to see what’s really happening and they refuse to do anything about it.
Once you become realistic and accept everything happening in your life, everything will fall into place and you can begin operating from a calmer and more relaxed place.
6. Never Be Surprised
Accept that ANYTHING can happen at any time. Don’t be surprised or caught off guard by anything. Always be ready.
When driving, be open to the possibility that another driver can come into your lane and hit you, injure you, or, even, kill you. Be realistic about it. It’s the real chance you take every single time you get in your car and drive. When on a date, be to the possibility that she can turn out to be a psycho and/or she won’t like you at all.
When you’re open to the possibility that very crazy and stressful things can and do happen, you’ll be calmer and more relaxed about it.
Be ready for ANYTHING and don’t rule anything out. If your mindset is “bad things never happen”, you’re more likely to be the person losing their mind and freaking out when something crazy DOES happen.
7. Let Go
Let everything go. Whatever happened in the past, it’s gone. It’s done. It doesn’t matter anymore. Be willing to let go of anything at any time.
It sounds harsh, but the “let go” mindset helps you become calmer and more relaxed.
If someone pisses you off and it’s their fault, not a big deal. Be mad about it for a few minutes but then decide to move on and let it go. The longer you hold onto it, the more it becomes a poison that eats away at your happiness and peace of mind.
Bad things happen and, a lot of the time, you can’t stop it from happening. Avoid the victim mentality where you’ve been victimized and the other person is the really bad, hateful, and mean criminal. Stop thinking like that.
The calm, cool, collect, relaxed, and chill person thinks, “I’m not a victim. Shit happens and I’ll get over it. I’m not the only person in the world that stuff happens to. I’m choosing not to let anything get under my skin.”
8. Ignore Small And Insignificant Events
So many of us waste our valuable time and energy needlessly getting upset and worried about the smallest and most insignificant things.
Calm, cool, collect, composed, and relaxed people don’t get upset over small things. It’s OK to pay attention to, not stress about, what actually matters, what you actually control, and what has REAL consequences.
If you’re late to work, you can lose your job. When you lose your job, you can develop serious money problems. With money problems, you can’t pay your bills. When you can’t pay your bills, you have no lights, food, and shelter. With no lights, food, and shelter, you and your children suffer. These are REAL problems and BIG things you should pay attention to because they’re, for the most part, within your control. BUT… When someone doesn’t use a blinker, it’s not worth getting upset about. When someone has different political or religious views, it’s not a big deal. If someone parks too close to the line and you don’t have as much room to park, no big deal. If she rejects you or you get stood up on a date, it’s still not a big deal. These things are NOT WITHIN YOUR CONTROL.
Be realistic about what is and isn’t a big deal. Don’t lose your cool over small events. When you feel the emotions, irritation, and anger arising over small events, consciously calm down, remind yourself it’s ineffective to get upset over small things, and let it go.
9. Mind Your Business
Social media allows everyone to be nosy and look around at others to see if they’re on the right track, having the right thoughts, doing the right things, wearing the right clothes, etc. It’s easy to stress and feel life sucks when you get on Facebook 10 times a day and compare yourself and your life to everyone else’s.
To become more calm and relaxed and preserve your peace of mind, mind your business. Pay attention to YOU and forget what everyone else is doing. If it doesn’t involve you, it’s not your concern. Being nosy is distracting, a waste of time, and keeps you from being calm and relaxed.
10. Accept Everything “The Way It Is”
Instead of expecting people and situations cater to your current mindset, change yourself and YOUR mindset. Adapt.
The fisherman doesn’t get mad because the fish won’t bite his lure, he changes the lure until he gets bites. He accepts that the fish aren’t in the mood for worms and they’d rather have something else. It be really dumb and ignorant if he went home stressed out because the fish didn’t like what he wanted them to like, wouldn’t it?
Develop the mindset of “it is how it is”. Don’t allow it to irritate you or get under your skin. Accept, adapt, and overcome.
You can’t change people but you can accept their thinking and behavior, adapt by learning more about them, and then overcome challenges by coming up with alternate strategies.
11. Forget Being Perfect
If you can’t get your hair perfectly spiked, there’s no need to get bent out of shape. Something so small shouldn’t upset you and kill your mood. It’s a total waste of time thinking people are judging you by how perfect your hair is.
You don’t need constant perfection. Stop stressing and worrying about wearing the perfect clothes, using the perfect words, or people judging you.
With buildings, skyscrapers, and airplanes, yes, perfection is imperative due to engineering calculations, stresses, etc. It’s important that these things don’t fall apart and kill people.
But one hair being out of place shouldn’t keep you from being calm and relaxed.
12. Ignore Opinions
Stop allowing others’ opinions to rob you of your peace of mind. The only opinion that matters is your own. The opinions of others are simply that – opinions. They’re not real and tangible. They can’t hurt you. They won’t cause physical pain or be detrimental to your well-being.
To become more calm, cool, collect, composed, and relaxed, stop giving life to the opinions of others. Don’t care what anyone thinks. Stop making them important. Stop making them “real”. They’re not.
To be respectful, it’s wise to be open-minded and allow others to voice their opinion, but you DO NOT have to internalize itl. You don’t have to take their opinion seriously – especially if it’s hurtful nonsense that can’t be backed up by factual evidence.
Regardless of IQ and experience, social media now gives everyone a platform to share their opinion. Since there are so many opinions floating around, they’re not valuable – proof, facts, and data are.
13. Forget Acceptance
The calm, cool, and collect man doesn’t care about being accepted. He accepts himself.
You’re needlessly giving away your peace of mind and ability to stay calm and relaxed when you actually care about being accepted by others.
Have you ever considered, even for one second, that maybe 80% of people are looking for acceptance themselves and maybe they don’t have it all figured out either? Have you ever considered that, maybe, 80% of people are in the same boat as you and having the same thoughts? One you realize everyone is too worried about themselves, you won’t worry so much about acceptance. You realize wanting acceptance is a waste of time because most people don’t have themselves figured out anyways.
14. Control Your Emotions
The inability to control your emotions leads to you being on edge – which is the opposite of calm, cool, collect, and relaxed.
When emotions creep up and you feel the urge to worry and stress out, take the time to calm yourself down and be cool.
The most common trait among ALL successful people is their ability tocontrol their emotions better than the average person. They keep a cool head in tense and stressful situations.
15. Stop Reacting to Stress
Life IS stress and you’re allowing it to keep you from remaining calm, cool, and collect.
Everything you are now and everything you have is the result of a form of stressful problem. The need to eat is a stressful problem. The need for shelter is a stressful problem. EVERYTHING comes with a relative degree of stress and it’s smart to accept stress instead of reacting to it and fighting it. Reacting doesn’t change the situation or make it better. The only thing reacting to stress does is stress you out more and make you seem edgy, unbalanced, and sketchy.
When experiencing stress, instead of reacting and losing your cool, just remember stress is a part of life and reacting to it is, essentially, a waste of time.
16. Don’t Be in a Rush
The need to get things done faster takes away from your calm and relaxed state of mind. Urgency is important when it pertains to goals because life is short and we want to accomplish a lot, but it’s not the same as rushing. Rushing increases the chances of mistakes, stress, and others seeing you as nervous, anxious, and uptight.
It’s proven that, on average, when you’re driving like a maniac and speeding, you only save 2 or 3 minutes. It’s wiser to just slow down, be safer, and decrease your chances of getting hurt, dying, and hurting and killing others.
If you NEED to be in a rush to get everything done, then adjust your to do list and deadlines OR adjust your schedule to accommodate what needs to happen. Many of us have a lot to do but we waste time doing unnecessary things and then we rush to catch up. The more time we waste, the more we fall behind, and the more we stress out and rush until it becomes an endless cycle.
17. Do Everything Slower – Walking, Talking, Breathing, And Moving
For a greater sense of calm, practice doing everything slower. When you slow the body down, the mind slows down.
Even getting in the slow lane and driving slower helps you to relax, chill out, and calm down whereas driving in the fast lane decreases your ability to calm down.
When you walk, talk, breathe, and move slower, your mind will follow. The reason so many people swear by Yoga to keep them calm, cool, collected, and relaxed is because yoga forces you to slow down and be still.
Also, moving slower communicates a greater sense of power, control, composure, and calm and makes you more attractive.
18. Go With The Flow
You don’t always need to be behind the wheel. Calm, cool, and collect means you’re able to lean back, go along for the ride, and not let someone else being in control bother you.
When you’re uptight, nervous, high-strung, and sketchy, it’s harder to just let go and let things happen.
In the movie Fight Club, Brad Pitt, who is always relaxed and keeps his cool, attempts to teach Edward Norton that he has to let go and stop trying to be a control freak. He does this by letting go of the steering wheel and letting the car crash. Edward Norton is freaking out and trying to grab the wheel and Brad Pitt keeps telling him to “stop trying to control everything and just let go!” Brad Pitt is trying to teach him that sometimes shitty things are going to happen in life and it’s important to just go with it. He’s trying to help him to quit being so uptight.
In your life, stop being such a control freak. Go with the flow of things and see where they take you.
19. Choose Your Battles
When you’re calm, cool, and collect, you don’t fight every little thing that flies in your direction. You, very wisely, analyze and decide what is worth your time And what isn’t.
Keeping calm and keeping your composure means letting the little things go and saving your energy and peace of mind for when it matters most. If you’re constantly fighting the small things, you won’t have the energy and patience to invest when it actually matters. You’ll be tired and all used up. Save your energy. Save your peace of mind.
20. Get Your Priorities and Life In Order
Having your priorities and life in order is like doing preventive maintenance on your vehicle – you’re keeping yourself safe and avoiding catastrophy. You’re doing preventive maintenance on your mind and giving yourself room to stay calm and relax. Instead of being stressed about losing your job and not being able to pay bills because you keep showing up late to work, you’re taking responsibility, thinking ahead about what’s important, and handling it before it becomes an issue.
It’s also called being an adult. When you have your act together and you’re disciplined, you’re calmer and less stressed. You’ve invested the time and energy into making sure everything happens the way you want it to happen and, therefore, you’re more stress-free and worry-free than the average person.
Write down your priorities and get them handled. Write down where you’re slacking and take the time and energy you’re investing what doesn’t matter, like playing on social media and watching TV, and use it towards what actually matters.
21. Avoid Stooping Down
When someone’s freaking out, acting childish, immature, irresponsible, and totally ridiculous, it’s a waste of time and energy to stoop down to their level and fight with them. Just give them a blank stare until they’re done.
Don’t react and allow it their behavior to affect you. Don’t yell back. Avoid returning the name calling. DO NOTHING.
Stay relaxed, cool, collect, and composed. The more you freak out, the more they freak out.
Always expect others to come up to your level and never react or respond when someone is behaving in a way you deem unacceptable.
22. Avoid Procrastination
Waiting until the last minute unnecessarily stresses you out. To maintain your calm and peace of mind, get it done, right now, in a calm manner instead of waiting until the last minute and letting it freak you out.
Procrastinators are always on edge, rushing, nervous, high-strung, and lack the ability to stay calm. Those who are always calm know that waiting until the last minute kills their mood. So, they get it ASAP before it becomes a bigger problem.
23. Avoid Drama And Negative People and Things
Calm people like hanging out with calm people. They don’t hang around sketchy, nervous, and anxious drama queens.
In the eBook and Audiobook How to Quit Being a Loser with Women, you’ll learn that your mind soaks up your environment like a sponge and you become more like the people and things you spend time with.
To increase your chances of remaining calm and relaxed, simply avoid the people and things that stress you out and cause anxiety. If you have a bunch of dramatic and negative friends on social media, unfollow them, quit reading their comments and posts, or unfriend them. If you have a bunch of dramatic and negative friends in person, quit hanging out with them.
This goes for ANYTHING that kills your ability to remain calm and relaxed. Avoid hostile places and situation, stay away from negative magazines and news sites, and avoid negative and junk TV shows. You have the power to choose what influences your mind.
24. Peaceful & Quiet HOme
Calm, cool, collect, composed, and chill people design their lives around calm and relaxed – including their home.
In a gentle and quiet home, there isn’t TV, radio, or Bluetooth speaker always blasting, there aren’t a bunch of people yelling and slamming doors, and it isn’t a hostile environment. It’s exactly what you need to remain calm and relaxed – quiet, peaceful, and chill.
If you live in a crazy and chaotic household, make the decision to either move out or find somewhere peaceful to go so you can maintain your calm and peace of mind. If it’s your wife and kids being crazy, start working towards less chaos with them.
In my home, screaming, slamming doors, or acting like an asshole is never allowed. It doesn’t matter who it is – the rules apply to everyone.
Whatever kills your inner peace, get away from it or get it away from you. Design your domain, territory, and environment to be calm and peaceful.
25. Sleep More
Studies show people who don’t get enough sleep are less likely to be calm and relaxed and more likely to be stressed. Studies also show those who DO get enough sleep are more calmer, more relaxed, and more successful. They have more inner peace.
Love him or hate him, Tom Brady, starting quarterback of the New England Patriots says getting enough sleep is a top priority for him. He’s always calm, cool, collected, composed, and relaxed – even when he’s being accused of cheating, being suspended from games, and is rated the least liked quarterback in the NFL. Even when reporters are trying to get under his skin, it appears that nothing gets to him. Calm, cool, and collect allows him to focus and play better than, arguably, any quarterback ever before.
Adjust your schedule to get more sleep and adjust your sleeping environment for better-quality sleep.
26. Clean Up Your Diet
The food you put into your body directly affects your mood, performance, and mind. Junk food is proven to make you more irritable, frustrated, and on edge. Healthy food, that your body digests more easily, gives you more energy, helps you focus, and helps you calm down and relax.
When you change your diet, you’ll feel better, calmer, and more relaxed.
27. Stretch and Exercise
Probably the biggest contributor to staying calm all day long getting in a good workout. When you don’t work out, the stress and tension builds up. If you have a bad day and you’re frustrated and stressed, work out for 30 minutes to an hour and you’ll be calmer, more relaxed, more focused, and in a better mood. You’ll no longer feel on edge or stressed.
Highly active people like military members, athletes, and bodybuilders are usually calmer and more relaxed than most people because their bodies get used to being in that “spent” and calm state. It’s possible for it to become second nature for you as well.
Another thing you can do is stretch when you wake up and when you go to bed. Stress, not only, lives in your mind but but your body absorbs stress. Ask a massage therapist.
After you stretch every muscle in your body really good, you’re instantly calmer, cooler, more collect, and more relaxed. Plus, you’re lowering your chances of injury by keeping your muscles loose and limber. It helps you get your day started faster and helps you fall asleep easier because you’re, naturally, more relaxed.
Get in the habit of stretching and staying loose.
Your success and overall happiness improves become calmer, cooler, and more relaxed. While others are thinking too much, doing too much, talking too much, moving too much, and stressing out whether people them or not, you’re just leaning back, enjoying yourself, and not burdening anyone by being stressed, tense, and anxious. You definitely stand out when you’re unusually relaxed and nothing gets to you.
It doesn’t matter how much work you need to do on yourself, you’re capable of becoming calmer and more relaxed on the default level.
It takes conscious effort, repetition, and reminding yourself to chill out, but, eventually, it becomes second nature and others will strive to be on your level of calm, cool, and collect.
Calm, cool, and collect always has its perks and there’s no downside.
Thanks for reading,
– Marc Summers