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How to Stop Getting and Jealous and Insecure – 15 Smart Ways

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Jealousy Is Natural

It’s natural to feel jealous and want assurance that your girlfriend, wife, or the woman you care about is faithful and wants only you.

We don’t find jealousy fun, funny, or entertaining – it’s a natural reaction and our intention is to protect, not damage. To keep our family together and the relationship secure.

Too Much Jealousy Scares Women Away

Most women don’t mind a little jealousy. It reassures them they’re wanted and you care enough to be bothered if she were to be with another man. But once jealousy crosses a the line and becomes too much, it goes from being “sweet” to annoying.

Many of us get too comfortable and think we can control the woman we’re dating and when it happens, she begins having second thoughts about he relationship.

Jealousy Makes You Look Weak

Again, a little jealousy can be seen as “sweet” and thoughtful but once you overdo it, it makes you look weak and it destroys the attraction.

Excessive jealousy because you’re immature and insecure communicates you’re a spoiled, weak-minded, and needy man-child. As a grown man, you shouldn’t constantly be afraid your girlfriend is going to cheat.

Jealousy Makes Other Men Look Better

The more you act like a jealous, insecure, and immature man-child, the better you make other men look. They start to catch her attention and, compared to you, look like knights in shining armor.

Jealousy Can Make Your Worst Nightmares a Reality

I’ve lost count of the number of women I’ve heard say, “He kept accusing me of cheating when I wasn’t so I thought, ‘Why not? He already thinks I’m doing it so I might as well.'” They get so sick and tired of the jealousy and being accused of something they’re not doing that they’re more likely to do it just to “stick it to him”.

When you keep accusing her of cheating, she’s more likely to do it out of anger and because you’re planting those seeds in her mind and watering them. Accusing her of cheating is planting the seeds and repeating it over and over is watering them until it grows into existence.

My crazy ex-girlfriend accused me every single day of wanting other women and before I knew it, I actually DID want other women. It’s just human nature.

So to help you break this terrible habit, here are 15 ways to get your jealousy under control:


1. Don’t Give Life to Jealous Feelings

The more you ponder on jealous thoughts, the more you’re watering the “jealousy seeds” and allowing them to grow.

Ultimately, you become what you think about.

Your mind becomes consumed by jealous thoughts and it becomes harder to separate fantasy from reality. Before you know it, your blowing jealous thoughts out of proportion and acting insecure, out-of-control, and overly jealous.

2. Understand The Tighter You Squeeze, The More She Wants To Run Away

Pepe Le Pew, is always hugging the girl skunk and trying to kiss her. She’s squirming, kicking, face-checking him, and doing everything she can to get away. Even though it’s a cartoon, there’s a lot of truth to it.
When you hold on too tightly because you’re jealous and insecure, she’ll fight to get away from you.
When you relax, let her have some space, and leave her alone, she’s more likely to come to you and want your attention.

Logically, it kind of makes sense that if you’re needy, clingy, and jealous that she’ll “see” how you feel and she’ll “understand” why you’re acting that way.

But in reality, the opposite happens – excessive jealously causes her to freak out, lose attraction, and run away.

3. Build Your Confidence

The reason I don’t struggle with jealousy, and I say this humbly, is because I honestly believe I’m a great catch.

I know who I am, how much work I’ve put into becoming the best version of myself, and I believe 99% of men aren’t willing to work as hard as I have to become the best version of themselves.

I’m confident that when I meet women, I’m setting a new standard for the type of man they’d like to be with. It’s not cockiness or arrogance – it’s confidence.
Do what other men won’t to become the man other men wish they could be.
Improve yourself to the point where other men don’t compare.

The more you improve, the less jealousy you’ll naturally feel.

4. Build A Positive Self-Image You Love

With more confidence comes more self-esteem and an image of a person you like being.

When you look in the mirror, you’re happy with the man looking back at you. You know you’re a good man and only someone who isn’t meant for you would be dumb enough to cheat or leave.

You have no reason to fear another man stealing her away because he’s somehow “better” than you.

5. Identify And Work On What Makes You Feel Insecure

What makes you insecure? What makes you feel weak? What makes you feel like other men are better than you? What makes you think she’ll run away or cheat on you?

Are these things, possibly, related to your confidence and self-esteem and have nothing to do with her?

It’s important to learn more about your jealous behavior if you want it to stop coming up. The less you understand it, the bigger of a problem your jealousy will be and the more it’ll destroy your relationships.

When you feel jealous, stop and ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way? What thoughts or emotions are triggering this? Are these feelings justified or am I blowing something small out of proportion?”

Emotionally detach from it, look at it, and identify what the real problem is.


6. Decide To Be More Mature

When you notice yourself being too jealous, ask yourself, “Am I being childish right now? Could I possibly handle this in a more mature way?”

It’s important to catch yourself in the act of getting jealous and control yourself before you get take it overboard. Tell yourself, “I can see I’m acting childish right now and I’m going to decide, RIGHT NOW, to handle this in a more mature way. Throwing a tantrum isn’t going to get me what I want.”

The more you practice doing this, the easier it becomes.

7. Stop Being a Control Freak

Jealous men think they can control everything about their woman – what she wears, who she talks to, where she goes, when she talks to family, and even if she’s allowed to take her phone into the bathroom!

Instead of being a control freak, let the chips fall where they may. Accept that you can’t control everything and when you stop trying to control everything through jealous behavior, the more control you’ll actually have.

  • You can’t force her to love you.
  • You can’t force her to be happy.
  • You can’t force her to feel attraction for you.
  • Controlling her though jealousy isn’t love.
  • Controlling her though jealously isn’t a relationship – it’s a dictatorship and she’s your prisoner.
  • Controlling her through jealousy will only make her hate you.

8. Stop Feeling The World Revolves Around You

It’s childish to think her life revolves around your needs.

Relationships work best when they’re 50/50 – she’s gives 50% effort and you give 50% effort. If you give less than 50% then you’re not being fair.

Not making everything she does about you doesn’t mean she’s cheating. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you.

It simply means she’s not going to worship you and give into your immature and weak mindset.
Be about improving yourself and giving YOURSELF the attention you crave from others.
As you learn, grow, and become more mature, the jealousy and desperate need for attention will go away.

9. Stop Being Paranoid

Again, the more life you give to your thoughts, the more likely they are to become a reality.

When the thought of her wanting to be with another guy enters your mind, shut it down.

Those are weak and victim thoughts.

Here’s our crazy thought process when we’re too jealous:

  1. We wonder what she’s up to and doing.
  2. Then we wonder if that “asshole” Tony has called her lately – the guy we told her we didn’t like because we’re insecure about the possibility of there being competition.
  3. Then we think that maybe she’s talking to Tony right now!
  4. We call 5 times, she doesn’t answer, and we convince ourselves that she definitely isn’t answering because she’s fu*king Tony!
  5. Then we get enraged and think “I’m going to murder them both!”
  6. Then we get out of bed at 3 AM, drive to her house, and bang on her door to make sure she isn’t cheating.
  7. She gets mad, we apologize, and then try to justify our actions by blaming it on her and telling her if she would’ve answered her phone, then it wouldn’t have happened.

And it all started with a little thought of “I wonder what she’s doing right now…”

Control your thoughts, quit being paranoid, and quit jumping to conclusions.

10. Stop Being the Victim

Jealous and weak men choose to become the victim whenever ANYTHING happens.

Their mindset is:

  • “I got cheated on 7 years ago so I don’t trust women!”
  • “A lot of guys like her so I have to constantly make sure she’s not cheating on me!”
  • “She works with a lot of guys so I need to make sure they know SHE’S WITH ME and I’m better than them”.

The jealousy always comes from a self-centered and victim mindset.
It’s always “I’m innocent and they’re wrong”.


They don’t allow themselves to be victimized by any situation.

11. Accept That Things Happen

The reason real men don’t get jealous or play the victim card is because they understand that “shit happens” to EVERYONE.

No matter how good your life is, you’re going to wind up in a place or situation where something horrible is going to happen or you’re going to get screwed over. Accept that it happens to EVERYONE.

My non-jealous mindset is, “She can go out and do whatever she wants. If she cheats on me, her loss. I didn’t cause it or create it. Shit happens. I can be calm, cool, and collect and let her go out where there will probably be other guys and take the chance of her cheating OR I can increase the chance of her cheating by trying to control what she does.”

I choose to let women make their own choices.
Controlling her out of fear that she will cheat will make her want to cheat even more.
I’m aware there’s still a chance I’ll get cheated on anyway. I’m OK with that. Shit happens.

Stop pushing women away by spending your time and energy trying to avoid things happening. Embrace the reality that things happen all of the time to everyone and make the choice that you’re not going to play the victim card if it does happen.

12. You’re Not Her Parent – Trust Her To Do What’s Right

The reason I let her do what she wants and I don’t get jealous is because she’s an adult and I’m not going to act like her parent.

I am her equal, her friend, and her partner – not her superior. I trust that she’s mature enough to know right from wrong and she’ll make the right decision when put in a compromising situation.
If you don’t trust her to know and care about right from wrong, then get rid of her and move on.
But if you DO trust her to know right from wrong, then leave it in her hands to make the right decisions.

If she makes the wrong decision or does something that crosses a line, then it’s HER PROBLEM and her loss.

Take your happiness and peace of mind, pack it up with your other stuff, and move on.

Instead of acting like a jealous parent, trust her to make good choices. She’ll appreciate you for it.

13. Stop Feeling Neglected And Abandoned

Feeling like she’ll neglect and abandon you is immature and weak.

If you’re there for yourself, you take care of yourself, and your needs are met, then you have nothing to worry about.

Being afraid she’ll leave means you’re too co-dependent and need to work on being more independent.
The guys who get along with women the best are the ones who can get along without them.

14. Be Willing To Let Go

If you’re willing to let go of her, no matter who she is, then you, naturally, won’t feel as much jealousy.

And if you do feel jealous once in a while, you’ll feel more in control of it when it comes up.
Stop feeling like you’ll “die” without her and you’re not strong enough to make it without her.
This weak mindset looks “romantic” in the movies but, in real life, it only makes you look weak and wimpy.

Develop the strength to let her go and be mature enough to know when your life will actually be better without her.

15. Get Away And Preserve Your Happiness

how to quit getting jealous walk away from relationship

As cold-hearted as it sounds, no matter how much I love and adore someone, I’m always ready to walk away to protect my happiness and peace of mind.

If she does something that turns my happiness into anger and jealousy, I’m not going to waste my time. I’m actually going to save it by walking away and leaving behind all the negative emotions stirring up inside of me.

If she’s making your life miserable and she refused to change, it’s a dumb decision to stay with her because you “love her”. It’s a dumb decision to make yourself miserable so you won’t be alone.

Stop trying to “keep her in line” with your jealousy, hoping she’ll “change”, and you’ll become happier.

Jealousy only poisons relationships.

Life is too short to put up with a woman who “makes” you jealous with her sketchy behavior.


In the long run, jealousy is a complete waste of time for everyone involved.

Either you trust her or you don’t. Simple as that.

If you don’t trust her but insist on being with her, then you’re wasting your time.

If you trust her but she’s acting sketchy, weird, and untrustworthy, then instead of trying to “fix it” with jealousy, just move on to someone who doesn’t act weird, sketchy, and untrustworthy.

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I'm Marc Summers

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