how to tell her you like her

How to Tell Her You Like Her – 9 Smart Things that Work

Share this article with friends

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on reddit
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on email

Get This Book:


You’re Most Likely to Succeed if You Understand It’s Not How Much You Like Her, It’s How Much She Likes YOU

The thing I wish I knew sooner was that IT DOESN’T MATTER how much you like her – it only matters how much she likes YOU! We make the simple, yet fatal, mistake of thinking the more we like her, the more she SHOULD like us back and not break our heart. We think that because we’re opening up, making ourselves vulnerable, and telling her how we feel, that if she shuts us down, she’s a horrible person. Wrong. It simply doesn’t work that way. That’s fantasy land thinking. It’s time to grow up and improve your mindset when it comes to women if you want more success with them. If you really think about it, you’ll realize that liking her doesn’t make her feel more attraction for you. It doesn’t force her to want you. There’s no unwritten rule that says women HAVE TO like you back just because you like them.

The simple fact is that women can’t force themselves to feel attraction for you because you think they’re beautiful and you’re infatuated with them. It either happens or it doesn’t. As you’ll learn in my book How Attracting Women Really Works 2nd Edition, they aren’t in control of how they “feel” about you. You are through your mindset, decisions, actions, behavior, and responses. If you don’t understand what I’m talking about, get the book and read it immediately.

When you like her and want her to like you back, that dying urge and “need” to tell her how you feel creeps up and drives you insane. You feel you’re going to explode if you go another minute without telling her how much you like her and how you truly feel! BUT, before you open your mouth, tell her how you feel, and potentially mess everything up, you need to strategize how you’re going to do it.

Telling her you like her IS A BIG DEAL and it requires a well-thought-out plan to determine the best course of action in the matter. Most guys who go into it blindly and without thinking about fall flat on their face and embarrass themselves. I’m trying to save you from the trouble and embarrassment.

Telling Her How You Feel without It Backfiring Requires Strategy

What you’re thinking about doing might not get you the results and response you’re looking for. It’s all about how she’s going to respond to it and you have to anticipate and think about it beforehand. It requires a better understanding of how human beings react to things being thrown in their direction.

From experience, the most effective way to tell her you like her is using actions and reactions – NOT WORDS. Rookies use words to try to shortcut the system and eliminate any time and work required. Experienced men use behavior and strategy and they KNOW they don’t have to do much talking. Women are better than you think at figuring out what’s going on in your mind regardless of what comes out of your mouth. Attraction is usually strongest when your actions and behavior patterns communicate that you like her and how you feel. The right behavior and strategy also tells her that you’re experienced, you know what you’re doing, and you’re not like other guys. Women actually do pay attention to and understand this on a conscious and unconscious level. It’s your behavior, not words, that causes women to unconsciously feel attraction. They can’t control it. When the attraction hits them, they can’t turn it off or do anything about it. So, when you like her and you’re feeling really emotional and conflicted about it, if you “react” to your feelings by using words and telling her how you feel, like most guys do, she’s more likely to overreact to it and not in the way you want. Words aren’t as likely to spark attraction and get the result you’re looking for.

To help you avoid making and huge mistake and avoid feeling like a, here are 9 effective ways to tell her you like her and 8 ways NOT to.

Remember, most of the ways on this list to tell her you like her and how you feel are NON-VERBAL. If you’re uncomfortable doing any of them, DO THEM ANYWAYS and force yourself to get out of your comfort zone and grow as a person. the more you grow, the easier it become to communicate with women, attract them, and build relationships with them.

1. Have Some Balls and Be Direct


Let’s make sure we understand eachother: this is your VERY LAST OPTION. If she’s highly distracted, clueless, or not seeing the hints your sending her way through your behavior, which is extremely rare, telling her you like her and how you feel just might get your attention.

Again, THIS IS THE RISKIEST OPTION. This is putting all of your money on the table and hoping you get lucky. This option should be saved for a final Hail Mary or a rainy day. This means you’ve exhausted your options and you’re at the point of, “Fuck it. I don’t care anymore. If this doesn’t work I’m moving on.”

Being direct and telling her you like her and how you feel can be way too much for her and you’re putting your cards on the table, giving up your power and position, and giving her the power to reject you on the spot. You DO NOT want her having that power over you. I go into detail about this in my eBook and Audiobook How Attracting Women Really Works. It’s something you absolutely need to know if you don’t fully understand it.

If she happens to ask if you like her, then yes, be direct but keep it short and don’t get overly emotional about it. This is not a free pass to pour your heart out and become weak and unattractive. The strategy I use when women ask how I feel is I tell them to tell me what they’re thinking first so I’m not sure to go beyond what they say. If they tell me they’re developing feelings but they don’t want to rush anything, then I agree and say the SAME THING. I do not one-up her and reveal more than she does. It’s very very important to remember this. 

2. Spend Time With Her

Spending time with her, especially if she knows how important your time is, that is if you actually have a life, lol, sends all of the right messages. It tells her she’s important and you value her. Nobody in their right mind just spends time with people they don’t like and don’t want to be around. Actions speak louder than words and if you’re spending time with her, it’ll be pretty obvious to her that you, at least, like her. 

In this day and age, with so many distractions and things we can easily find to keep us busy, it means a lot to anyone when you’re able to divert your attention away from other things and give it to them.

Keep in mind that spending too much time with her usually isn’t’ good. Especially if you just met her. Too much time can indicate you don’t have a life, you’re too bored, or you like her way too much and you’re in a hurry to get to know her. It makes you look desperate and communicates you’re using the dopamine rush you get around her to fill a void in your own life and satisfy a need or a craving that you should be handling yourself. No, I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about psychological issues such as needing attention, approval, and validation. Even if someone can’t explain what they’re seeing, they know it’s a red flag that doesn’t make them feel great. Also, from my own experience, spending too much time with her also creates the risk of killing the excitement and her getting bored. The less time she spends with you and the less she knows about you, the more she wants to be around you and get to know you. When I feel I’m overdoing it with anyone, even if it’s just texting, I deliberately force time and space between us. I deliberately take a break because I know I’m headed for dangerous ground.

3. Be Playful


Are you ever playful with people you don’t like? I know I’m not. That’s like super fake if you are. Being playful is the fastest way to build attraction and communicate to her that you like her and there is no wall between the two of you. It doesn’t exactly communicate that you have feelings for her but it does tell her you’re feeling some kind of attraction for her. 

Being playful and having fun during your interactions with her doesn’t put you in the same dangerous territory as kissing her ass and complimenting her to get approval. It doesn’t communicate that you’re desperate for attention or scared of her. It communicates you’re unafraid of her and you enjoy being around her. It sends all of the right messages without you having to say ANYTHING. If you’re super playful and she asks if you like her, then there’s a real problem with her medulla oblongata.

Interacting with her in a lighthearted, playful, and fun manner communicates you don’t think she’s better than you and you’re confident you probably have a chance with her. You’re non-verbally communicating, I like you, I think you’re cool, and I want to have fun with you.”

4. Tease Her

Teasing her, without being a jerk, cuts straight through the nonsense, tells her you like her, and increase the chances of her liking you back.

Teasing her tells her you like her, she’s worth your time and attention, and she doesn’t intimidate you.

If she senses you’re intimidated by her, she unconsciously places you in the friend zone with the other guys who don’t have a chance with her.

Teasing her, giving her a hard time, and getting a rise out of her, in a fun and playful manner, communicate you’re interested in her and see her as more than a friend.

5. Flirt With Her


Rather than announcing it, flirting is the most obvious way to tell her you like her. It pounds all of her “attraction buttons” and helps you get closer to pounding HER “button”.

What To Do When Flirting:

  • Smile – but not too much
  • Be funny
  • Make lots of eye contact, without being creepy
  • Accuse her of flirting with you and being a pervert
  • Make sexual innuendos and when she laughs, accuse her of being a pervert, again
  • Touch her – without being a pervert
  • Be charming – without being fake
  • Be flattering – without kissing her butt
  • Exaggerate compliments – in a funny way
  • Play hard-to-get

Most of all, just be a fun, cool, and laid back guy.

6. Take The Lead


Show her you’re different and worth her time by taking the lead.

  • Choose the time and day you’re going out, where you’re going, and where you’re sitting
  • Pick the movie you’re watching
  • Grab her hand and pull her through a crowd
  • Physically move her if you need to
  • Say things like, “Let’s go here”, “Let’s do this”, “Come here”, “We gotta go”, “I’ve heard this place is great, let’s eat here”, “I don’t feel like going there”, “I don’t feel like doing that”, etc.

Don’t say things like, “Where do you want to go?”, “I want to take you to your favorite movie/restaurant/bar”, “Is it OK if I grab your hand? We have to move”, “Do you feel like going to…?”, etc.

See the difference?

Be casual, indifferent, and cool about taking the lead and she’ll be cool with it and like it.

Women love when you lead the way and they’re just following.

In fact, most women prefer you to lead.


7. Get Physical

Let her know you like her by not being afraid to grab her hand, kiss her, touch her, etc.

Communicate you’re interested by holding her hand just a second too long when you meet her or see her.

Touching is by far the fastest and most powerful way to build comfort and rapport with her.

Touching connects two people faster than talking, body language, and visual elements.

If you’re not afraid to communicate with her on a physical level, she’ll know you like her and it’ll spark the attraction you’re wanting.

8. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Sexual

If you’re making sexual innuendos, talking to her in a sexual tone, looking at her in a sexual way, or just communicating in a sexual manner, it’s blatantly obvious you like her and she’ll get the hint.

It takes balls and being completely open to rejection, but begins to happen naturally once you gain experience with women and dating.

9. Don’t Do What ALL the Other Guys Would Do

Last, show her you like her and get her attention by not making the same lame, predictable, and boring rookie mistakes as the other guys trying to get her attention.

She doesn’t want you to:

  • Buy flowers
  • Write her letters
  • Chase her airplane at the airport
  • Stand outside her door or window in the pouring rain
  • Ask her on a date on the radio

Learning how women think and respond and what they’re attracted to makes you different and “better” in her eyes.

Do the opposite of what most guys would do. Stand out. Capture her attention.

Video: When You Listen to Family and Friends About How to Tell Her You Like Her

Ways NOT to Tell Her You Like Her

We often make the next 9 mistakes when we don’t have enough experience with women, we don’t understand how attraction works, we’re clouded by our emotions, or were in a hurry tell her how we feel. These things put you in a very bad spot with her and it’s hard to recover from it.

1. Blindsiding Her

When you don’t haven’t build rapport or a history with her, don’t show up out of the blue and say, “Hey I’m So and So and I really like you!”

If you interact with her a lot, she’ll be surprised, but not completely blindsided. If she doesn’t know you at all, it’ll come off as awkward and desperate.

2. Giving Her Money or Paying Her Bills

Using money communicates, “You can use me for money because I have low standards, I’m desperate, needy, and I want you no matter what it takes.” This mindset DOES NOT win her over and cause her to feel attraction for you.

Never give her money in order to gain approval or be her hero. Never pay her bills to “save her”.

Instead of her thinking you’re her “hero”, she’ll think you’re a tool and a pushover.

If she knows she can use you, then you can forget ever being with her.

3. Buying Flowers and Gifts

Flowers and gifts tell her you like her, but it also tells her you’re friend zone material.

If you want her to like you back, YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER FEEL ATTRACTION.

Buying flowers that she can sniff and some chocolates that will give her pimples does not spark the uncontrollable attraction you’re looking for. Leave the gift giving to the guys who want to be friend-zoned.

4. Putting Her On a Pedestal

Again, this creates awareness of your affection for her, BUT it also lets her know she has you wrapped around her finger.

When you’re wrapped around her finger, she’s not thinking about having sex with you, spending time with you, waking up next to you, being with you, or bragging to her friends about you.

Putting her on a pedestal and kissing her ass makes her think, “Great…Another guy who’s trying to get into my pants”.

5. Sending “Secret Admirer” Stuff

Secret admirer stuff makes her think you’re scared of women and a coward.

Women say it’s “sweet, cute, and exciting” – but again, it doesn’t make her feel attraction.

It puts her on the spot, makes her feel like someone it watching her, and it makes her feel creeped out and weird.

6. Telling Her Friends or Family to Tell Her You Like Her

Asking her friends and family if she likes you or asking them to tell her you like her freaks her out.

It’s just weird and sneaky because it’s cowardly.

This never works and if it does, you’re very, very lucky.


7. Waiting Until You or Her Are Intoxicated


Just because you, her, or both are a bit intoxicated doesn’t mean it’s the right time to tell her you like her. It’s a horrible time to do it!

Let her drink and have fun. Don’t mess it up by making things serious, heavy, and awkward. It’s not OK to think she’ll be more “open” to it because her judgement is impaired.

8. Writing Love Letters


Before computers, cell phones, and even phones, in general, letters were the main form of communication. Letters and romantic notes were romantic, sweet, thoughtful, kind, and the “gentlemanly” thing to do.

But in this day and age, she’s going to think, “A letter? What the hell?”

I’ve seen friends of mine think sharing their feelings through handwritten “letters” were a good idea and, to put it lightly, it didn’t go as planned.

9. Pouring Your Heart Out and Getting Emotional


I saved the worst for last because it only works in the movies.

NEVER THINK ABOUT DOING THIS! Smack yourself in the face until the thought is gone.

Logic and instinct says to “take a chance” and “leave it all on the table” but it won’t work UNLESS she’s feeling exactly the same way. And your chances of that are slim to none.

If you get emotional, pour your heart out, or show up in front of her window with a radio, she will know she owns you and the attraction will die. It communicates that you’re the easiest guy in the world and it’s not the guy she’s looking for.

Conclusion and Recap

how to tell her you like her - conclusion

As you can probably tell, telling her you like her and getting a favorable response can be tricky. It takes thinking outside of the box and remembering you have to spark attraction. Her thinking you’re nice, sweet, or cute doesn’t make her want you as more than a friend.

If you still want to pour your heart, go ahead, but you’ve been warned.

So before you tell her you like her or you’re “in love” with her, which I strongly suggest you DON’T DO, come up with a game plan and try these things out.

Build attraction, make her “feel” emotions for you, and show her you’re worth her time by:

  • Spending time with her
  • Being playful
  • Teasing her
  • Flirting with her
  • Touching her
  • Taking the lead
  • Not giving her money and kissing her ass
  • Not blindsiding her, pouring your heart out, and getting emotional
  • And most of all, not doing what ALL the other guys do

Thanks for reading.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck,

– Marc Summers

Get This Book:


Share this article with friends

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on reddit
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on email

20 Comments on “How to Tell Her You Like Her – 9 Smart Things that Work

  1. “It’s Not How Much You Like Her – It’s How Much SHE LIKES YOU”. Exactly. Since no woman could ever like me as more than a friend, there’s no point in expressing my desire for any woman, no matter how strong it is. So I never have – and have many women friends – and have never even kissed a woman. Great advice for guys who are actually capable of attracting a woman (of being *liked*) – but the stuff of unreachable dreams for the rest of us.

    • Paul, what is your reason for commenting on this article other that to express self-pity and make yourself look like a victim? Women probably don’t like you as more than a friend because you probably have this “feel sorry for me” bs, like what you did right here, going on when you’re around them. You try attracting them by getting them to sympathize with you. It doesn’t work that way, Paul. If you haven’t kissed a girl, that’s your fault for always being a wuss about it and never being brave enough to read books, watch videos, educate yourself, make changes, and get over yourself and how “bad” your life is. Quit being judgmental about information that can actually help you. It’s your fault for never taking risks and putting yourself in highly uncomfortable situations that will force you to grow and change. You may think I’m a dick for telling you this but sometimes people need someone in their life being completely honest with them in order for them to become better. I’m sure no one else around you has told you this or else you’d have a different mindset. It is HOW MUCH SHE LIKES YOU and it’s obvious why you’re pretty unlikable. Get over yourself and change it.

  2. Girls are sometimes complicated to understand. Sometimes you don’t know what’s going in their head. If a girl is totally into you than all she needs is your time and how you make her feel loved and respect her. If she is just in a relationship with you for fun than you gotta be careful.
    If you are getting the vibe of love from her side as well then everything mention in the article is worth following.

  3. I am a girl and this was very helpful. I went up to the person I liked and told her I really liked her. She said she liked me back. Then we both kissed. It was awesome. LISTIN TO THE ARTICLE.IT WILL CHANGE UR LIFE.

  4. Wow.
    I think I’ve done almost every single thing on the “do not” list haha!
    Very helpful article, thanks for putting it together

    -Formerly Friendzoned

    • Hi Marc,

      Great article! I’ve done almost everything in the “do not do” list as well, short of the secret admirer and involving her family and friends. Those two are especially heinous. My particular downfall was writing my feelings out in letters.

      I was (and still am) very good at writing, and I was extremely shy and introverted in high school. I thought I would be able to get my message across by writing notes and sticking them in girl’s lockers. I thought it would show them that I stood out because I could write these long, gushing letters admitting I liked them for months but just couldn’t bring myself to say it. It worked – once.

      The girl (my study partner) was pretty understanding and thought I had courage. It was only after the first and only date with her that I realized I was completely unprepared for what happens next. I spent so much time worrying about getting my feelings out there, and then I froze up and was a nervous wreck when we met for our “date.”

      This is one of the rare instances where I actually managed to keep in touch with her throughout high school and college. We developed a friendship a year later where we could laugh at my cringey behavior. Never dated her but we still see each other occasionally; she’s the closest female friend I have because she knew my heart was in the right place and we can look back and laugh about how unprepared we both were. The sexual attraction is gone, but it turned out okay in the end. The other girls reaction was avoidance and I got a rep for being a creep. Thank god I broke out of that phase when I was 17.

      All the romantic comedy antics listed (standing outside her house in the rain, getting her friends & ugh… family involved, secret admirer stuff) is just downright creepy. If anyone even thinks this is even a remotely good idea, STOP! For the love of God, DO NOT PROCEED!

      I’m 39 now, and things started turning around for me when I was 17. Still had those intense feelings, but keeping them to myself and acting like I didn’t really care was the cure for my situation. Keeping an air of mystery and being nonchalant about it is the key to sparking the attraction. If she thinks you’ve got better things to do, the odds are great that she will eventually try to interject herself into your life.

      You musn’t sperg out when it happens. Sorry / not sorry if that’s offensive or taken the wrong way, but it really does define a thirsty male’s obsession with women. Resist the urge to read into everything she does. It is so counter-intuitive, but you MUST make her want you by acting indifferent. Sure, lots of guys will very openly hit on her, but your self-control will set you apart from them.

      To this day, I don’t have any social media accounts. No SpaceFace, MyBook, Instachat, Snapgrammer; NONE of that. I have a 12-year old YouTube account, but I don’t count that as a social media site since I don’t post anything. Why? First of all, I work in IT and I can tell you that the info gathered about your life through the aggregation of metadata is Orwellian. But that’s not the only reason. Today, most women are going to check for you on ALL those sites. The less they know, the better. If you MUST have Facebook, LOCK IT DOWN to just family and friends, or create a burner account.

      Anyway, this is getting long but just wanted to add my two cents to this great article. You’ve encapsulated all the relevant advice a man needs if things aren’t happening for you. When I was in my teens, I would say that everything I just wrote was complete bullshit. The truth is that these are the lessons you need to learn as early as possible. Don’t think with your other head.

      Thanks again,

  5. Hey Marc, just wanted to ask a similar question. There’s a girl who i’ve had quite strong feelings towards for the past couple of months. We’re pretty close friends, spend a fair amount of time together the past few months and I effectively do most of the things you have listed. Tease her or ‘take the piss’ as it’s called often, make innuendos, and absolutely don’t act as a ‘kiss-ass’ around her as well as don’t try and do what the other guys do. As i’ve basically witnessed her reject someone who tried those sorts of techniques. She is quite a private person with feelings so i’m not entirely sure what else to do and if she would respond to this anyway, that’s if she has the same feelings towards me.

  6. Hey Marcus. I was hoping you could give me some advice. So the school hear is pretty much over and I want to tell this girl I like her. She’s in 2 of my classes and in my advisory (advisory being this class we have everyday where we get to know eachother). We started talking over Snapchat recently and I was hoping to just say I like her. How should I do this? Or should I even?

    • The bad news is you waited until the end of the school year to do it. Just exchange numbers with her and build a friendship/relationship with her over the summer.

    • I want to tell her I like her and will like to start a relationship with her but I do not know how to go about it. My heart pumps cos I don’t want her to say no. How do I do that?????

    • If they’re already interested in you, most girls definitely want you to be upfront. But if your feelings for her are stronger or if she’s unsure of you, then being blunt right off the bat will probably lead to a rejection.

  7. I have this girl I met recently I think I have some likens for her though. But she wants me to buy her and pay all for her stuff. I paid for the hair and nails once, but she wants other things too.
    I just told her I’m afraid I can’t pay for anything for her anymore so got so mad at me saying I’m taking her for a gold digger. I tried to make her understand that’s not what I however, how do you handle this kind of relationship issues. Because I’m about been fed up with her.

  8. Hey Marc, great stuff but there is this girl in my class, we are good friends stuff like that. and then one day she kisses me and tells me she likes me, but she is dating a good friend of mine. I told her I liked her over text and the next day she said ily, what should I do? We are both in year 7

    Please email me

    • You should not do that to your friend. Display self-control and tell her that’s not cool to do to your friend and her boyfriend.

  9. letters are still the gentlemanly thing to do, its the equivalent or alternative to a verbal i like you ….

  10. Great stuff Marc straight to the point….I have this girl whom I’m in love with she always complain about me not telling her how much I love her and complimenting her.What can I do in this situation?

    • That sounds weird. Tell her to come back once she’s found some confidence and self-esteem. That’s not your job to compliment her to make her feel good about herself. Stay away from women who are that insecure.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



I'm Marc Summers

marc summers of major league dating


dating and relationship advice for men

Dating and Relationship Coaching – via Phone, FaceTime, Skype, Duo, or WhatsApp

masters kit

The Master’s Kit – 25% off ALL eBooks & Audiobooks

woocommerce product how to quit being a loser with women ebook and audiobook

How to Quit Being a Loser with Women – Everything you’re doing wrong and how to fix it

woocommerce how attracting women really works ebook and audiobook

How Attracting Women Really Works 2nd Edition – What to think, do, and say to make women want you as more than just a friend

woocommerce product declare war on yourself ebook and audiobook

Declare War on Yourself – Boost self-esteem and confidence. Become more mature. Attract higher-quality women.

woocommerce product 99 bad boy traits ebook and audiobook

99 Bad Boy Traits – How to quit scaring away with nice behavior

woocommerce product 72 ways to get her back ebook and audiobook

72 Ways to Get Her Back – How to rebuild the attraction and get her back for good

woocommerce product texting titan ebook and audiobook

Texting Titan! – Proven strategies for texting women and creating attraction through text

Free Advice Categories

Top Free Dating Advice

Happy Customers

Doug M
Read More
"I'm 46 now, so I've read/listened to them all including all of Tony Robbins seminars, etc. Declare War is THE ONLY one I need now. It is the only one ANYONE would ever need."
Read More
"You have been quite possibly my favorite teacher in my life. I wish there was a way to repay you. Thank you very much for following your purposes."
Read More
"Keep up the stellar work! You’ve just changed my Life for the better, and I will be sure to turn many others onto your material!"
Read More
"Declare War on Yourself is my new bible. Each page is impactful and a catalyst for changing behavior. No nonsense. Just plain battlefield success principles."
Doug M.
Read More
"Declare War On Yourself is THE ONLY book I need now. It is the only one ANYONE would ever need. I just want to thank you a million times over."
Read More
"I've read hundreds of books and yours is the gem. On my fifth time and it's still just as impactful as the first. This book inspired me enough to send a personal message to you."
Read More
"Marc 's book is the most effective and makes the most sense - and I’ve sought advice from the entire Internet! I’ve even talked to Marc on the phone and he’s the same guy as he is on this audiobook. 100% REAL!"
Read More
"I love Marc’s tough no BS approach to advice on self-improvement. He talks about his own life and lessons that have helped shape him into the man he is today."
Read More
"Honestly other than the Bible, best book I have read in my life in regards to making changes in my life."
Read More
"Thank you so much for what you teach! You don’t understand how much it helped me. You saved my life. I been struggling with this stuff for years. I wish I seen this earlier."