It’s Not How Much You Like Her – It’s How Much SHE LIKES YOU
We make the mistake of thinking the more we like her, the more she SHOULD like us back and not break our heart when we’re vulnerable and telling her how we feel. But if we pull our head out of our ass and think about it, it doesn’t matter how much we like her – because liking her doesn’t make her feel more attraction for us.
She can’t make herself feel attraction for you because you think she’s the most beautiful woman in the world – but because you’re inexperienced with women, that’s what the logical part of your brain and “instincts” are telling you to do.
When you like her and want her to like you back, you start feeling a dying urge and “need” to tell her about your feelings. You feel you’re going to explode if she doesn’t know how much you like her!
But before you open your pie hole and tell her how you feel, you need to be smart and educate yourself on HOW to tell her you like her.
Telling Her You Like Her Requires Strategy
What you’re thinking about doing might not get you the results and response you’re looking for.
From experience, the most effective way to tell her you like her is using actions and reactions – NOT WORDS. Attraction is usually the strongest when your actions and non-verbal communications communicate that you’re experienced, you know what you’re doing, and you’re not like other guys. Your internal and external reactions communicate directly with her natural “wiring” and cause her to unconsciously feel attraction. She can’t control it. So, when you like her and you’re feeling a bunch of girly emotions, if you wrongly “react” to your feelings by telling her how you feel, like most guys do, she’s more likely to blow you off and not feel the same way in return. Your “words” aren’t as likely to spark attraction and get the result you want.
To help you avoid making this mistake and avoid feeling like a loser with women, here are 9 ways to tell her you like her and 8 ways NOT to tell her that you like her.
Remember, most of the ways to tell her you like her on this list are NON-VERBAL. If you’re uncomfortable trying them, DO THEM ANYWAYS and get out of your comfort zone.
1. Have Some Balls and Be Direct
This is your LAST OPTION. If she’s stubborn, dumb, or she’s not seeing the hints, telling her straight to her face might get her attention.
Again, THIS IS THE RISKIEST OPTION and that’s why it should be saved for a hail mary or a rainy day. Telling her you like her straight to her face can be way too much for her, it gives your power away, and it gives her the power to reject you on the spot. You don’t want her having that power over you.
If she asks if you like her, then yes – be direct, keep it short, and don’t emotional and girly about it – it’s not a free pass to pour your heart out.
The next 8 ways to tell her you like her help you keep your power to yourself and give her less power to reject you and stomp your heart to pieces.
2. Spend Time With Her
It’s pretty obvious you like her if you’re spending time and hanging out WITH HER – especially if your time is very important to you.
The more you seem to enjoy her company and being around her, the more it tells her you like her – without you needing to open your mouth and tell her.
3. Be Playful
When you complement her too much and put her on a pedestal, you’re communicating, “I don’t believe I’m good enough for you and I wish and hope you’ll give me a chance…” This makes her feel repulsed instead of “drawn” to you.
But, when you’re interacting with her in a lighthearted, playful, and fun manner, you’re not communicating you think she’s better than you or you don’t have a chance with her. You’re saying, “I like you, I think you’re cool, and I want to have fun with you.”
4. Tease Her
Teasing her, without being a jerk, cuts straight through the nonsense, tells her you like her, and increase the chances of her liking you back.
Teasing her tells her you like her, she’s worth your time and attention, and she doesn’t intimidate you.
If she senses you’re intimidated by her, she unconsciously places you in the friend zone with the other guys who don’t have a chance with her.
Teasing her, giving her a hard time, and getting a rise out of her, in a fun and playful manner, communicate you’re interested in her and see her as more than a friend.
5. Flirt With Her
Rather than announcing it, flirting is the most obvious way to tell her you like her. It pounds all of her “attraction buttons” and helps you get closer to pounding HER “button”.
What To Do When Flirting:
- Smile – but not too much
- Be funny
- Make lots of eye contact, without being creepy
- Accuse her of flirting with you and being a pervert
- Make sexual innuendos and when she laughs, accuse her of being a pervert, again
- Touch her – without being a pervert
- Be charming – without being fake
- Be flattering – without kissing her butt
- Exaggerate compliments – in a funny way
- Play hard-to-get
Most of all, just be a fun, cool, and laid back guy.
6. Take The Lead
Show her you’re different and worth her time by taking the lead.
- Choose the time and day you’re going out, where you’re going, and where you’re sitting
- Pick the movie you’re watching
- Grab her hand and pull her through a crowd
- Physically move her if you need to
- Say things like, “Let’s go here”, “Let’s do this”, “Come here”, “We gotta go”, “I’ve heard this place is great, let’s eat here”, “I don’t feel like going there”, “I don’t feel like doing that”, etc.
Don’t say things like, “Where do you want to go?”, “I want to take you to your favorite movie/restaurant/bar”, “Is it OK if I grab your hand? We have to move”, “Do you feel like going to…?”, etc.
See the difference?
Be casual, indifferent, and cool about taking the lead and she’ll be cool with it and like it.
Women love when you lead the way and they’re just following.
In fact, most women prefer you to lead.
7. Get Physical
Let her know you like her by not being afraid to grab her hand, kiss her, touch her, etc.
Communicate you’re interested by holding her hand just a second too long when you meet her or see her.
Touching is by far the fastest and most powerful way to build comfort and rapport with her.
Touching connects two people faster than talking, body language, and visual elements.
If you’re not afraid to communicate with her on a physical level, she’ll know you like her and it’ll spark the attraction you’re wanting.
8. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Sexual
If you’re making sexual innuendos, talking to her in a sexual tone, looking at her in a sexual way, or just communicating in a sexual manner, it’s blatantly obvious you like her and she’ll get the hint.
It takes balls and being completely open to rejection, but begins to happen naturally once you gain experience with women and dating.
9. Don’t Do What ALL the Other Guys Would Do
Last, show her you like her and get her attention by not making the same lame, predictable, and boring rookie mistakes as the other guys trying to get her attention.
She doesn’t want you to:
- Buy flowers
- Write her letters
- Chase her airplane at the airport
- Stand outside her door or window in the pouring rain
- Ask her on a date on the radio
Learning how women think and respond and what they’re attracted to makes you different and “better” in her eyes.
Do the opposite of what most guys would do. Stand out. Capture her attention.
Video: When You Listen to Family and Friends About How to Tell Her You Like Her
Ways NOT to Tell Her You Like Her
We often make the next 9 mistakes when we don’t have enough experience with women, we don’t understand how attraction works, we’re clouded by our emotions, or were in a hurry tell her how we feel. These things put you in a very bad spot with her and it’s hard to recover from it.
1. Blindsiding Her
When you don’t haven’t build rapport or a history with her, don’t show up out of the blue and say, “Hey I’m So and So and I really like you!”
If you interact with her a lot, she’ll be surprised, but not completely blindsided. If she doesn’t know you at all, it’ll come off as awkward and desperate.
2. Giving Her Money or Paying Her Bills
Using money communicates, “You can use me for money because I have low standards, I’m desperate, needy, and I want you no matter what it takes.” This mindset DOES NOT win her over and cause her to feel attraction for you.
Never give her money in order to gain approval or be her hero. Never pay her bills to “save her”.
Instead of her thinking you’re her “hero”, she’ll think you’re a tool and a pushover.
If she knows she can use you, then you can forget ever being with her.
3. Buying Flowers and Gifts
Flowers and gifts tell her you like her, but it also tells her you’re friend zone material.
If you want her to like you back, YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER FEEL ATTRACTION.
Buying flowers that she can sniff and some chocolates that will give her pimples does not spark the uncontrollable attraction you’re looking for. Leave the gift giving to the guys who want to be friend-zoned.
4. Putting Her On a Pedestal
Again, this creates awareness of your affection for her, BUT it also lets her know she has you wrapped around her finger.
When you’re wrapped around her finger, she’s not thinking about having sex with you, spending time with you, waking up next to you, being with you, or bragging to her friends about you.
Putting her on a pedestal and kissing her ass makes her think, “Great…Another guy who’s trying to get into my pants”.
5. Sending “Secret Admirer” Stuff
Secret admirer stuff makes her think you’re scared of women and a coward.
Women say it’s “sweet, cute, and exciting” – but again, it doesn’t make her feel attraction.
It puts her on the spot, makes her feel like someone it watching her, and it makes her feel creeped out and weird.
6. Telling Her Friends or Family to Tell Her You Like Her
Asking her friends and family if she likes you or asking them to tell her you like her freaks her out.
It’s just weird and sneaky because it’s cowardly.
This never works and if it does, you’re very, very lucky.
7. Waiting Until Your or Her Are Intoxicated
Just because you, her, or both are a bit intoxicated doesn’t mean it’s the right time to tell her you like her. It’s a horrible time to do it!
Let her drink and have fun. Don’t mess it up by making things serious, heavy, and awkward. It’s not OK to think she’ll be more “open” to it because her judgement is impaired.
8. Writing Love Letters
Before computers, cell phones, and even phones, in general, letters were the main form of communication. Letters were romantic, sweet, thoughtful, kind, and the “gentlemanly” thing to do.
But in this day and age, she’s going to think, “A letter? What the hell?”
I’ve seen friends of mine think sharing their feelings through handwritten “letters” were a good idea and, to put it lightly, it didn’t go as planned.
9. Pouring Your Heart Out and Getting Emotional
I saved the worst for last because it only works in the movies.
NEVER THINK ABOUT DOING THIS! Smack yourself in the face until the thought is gone.
Logic and instinct says to “take a chance” and “leave it all on the table” but it won’t work UNLESS she’s feeling exactly the same way. And your chances of that are slim to none.
If you get emotional, pour your heart out, or show up in front of her window with a radio, she will know she owns you and the attraction will die. It communicates that you’re the easiest guy in the world and it’s not the guy she’s looking for.
Conclusion and Recap
As you can probably tell, telling her you like her and getting a favorable response can be tricky. It takes thinking outside of the box and remembering you have to spark attraction. Her thinking you’re nice, sweet, or cute doesn’t make her want you as more than a friend.
If you still want to pour your heart, go ahead, but you’ve been warned.
So before you tell her you like her or you’re “in love” with her, which I strongly suggest you DON’T DO, come up with a game plan and try these things out.
Build attraction, make her “feel” emotions for you, and show her you’re worth her time by:
- Spending time with her
- Being playful
- Teasing her
- Flirting with her
- Touching her
- Taking the lead
- Not giving her money and kissing her ass
- Not blindsiding her, pouring your heart out, and getting emotional
- And most of all, not doing what ALL the other guys do
Thanks for reading.
I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck,
– Marc Summers