9 Ways to Tell Her You Like Her (and 9 Ways Not to!)

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It’s Not How Much You Like Her – It’s How Much SHE LIKES YOU

We make the mistake of thinking the more we like her, the more she SHOULD like us back and not break our heart when we’re vulnerable and telling her how we feel. But if we pull our head out of our ass and think about it, it doesn’t matter how much we like her – because liking her doesn’t make her feel more attraction for us.

She can’t make herself feel attraction for you because you think she’s the most beautiful woman in the world – but because you’re inexperienced with women, that’s what the logical part of your brain and “instincts” are telling you to do.

When you like her and want her to like you back, you start feeling a dying urge and “need” to tell her about your feelings. You feel you’re going to explode if she doesn’t know how much you like her!

But before you open your pie hole and tell her how you feel, you need to be smart and educate yourself on HOW to tell her you like her.

Telling Her You Like Her Requires Strategy

What you’re thinking about doing might not get you the results and response you’re looking for.

From experience, the most effective way to tell her you like her is using actions and reactions – NOT WORDS. Attraction is usually the strongest when your actions and non-verbal communications communicate that you’re experienced, you know what you’re doing, and you’re not like other guys. Your internal and external reactions communicate directly with her natural “wiring” and cause her to unconsciously feel attraction. She can’t control it. So, when you like her and you’re feeling a bunch of girly emotions, if you wrongly “react” to your feelings by telling her how you feel, like most guys do, she’s more likely to blow you off and not feel the same way in return. Your “words” aren’t as likely to spark attraction and get the result you want.

To help you avoid making this mistake and avoid feeling like a loser with women, here are 9 ways to tell her you like her and 8 ways NOT to tell her that you like her.

Remember, most of the ways to tell her you like her on this list are NON-VERBAL. If you’re uncomfortable trying them, DO THEM ANYWAYS and get out of your comfort zone.


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1. Have Some Balls and Be Direct

how to tell her you like her

This is your LAST OPTION. If she’s stubborn, dumb, or she’s not seeing the hints, telling her straight to her face might get her attention.

Again, THIS IS THE RISKIEST OPTION and that’s why it should be saved for a hail mary or a rainy day. Telling her you like her straight to her face can be way too much for her, it gives your power away, and it gives her the power to reject you on the spot. You don’t want her having that power over you.

If she asks if you like her, then yes – be direct, keep it short, and don’t emotional and girly about it – it’s not a free pass to pour your heart out.

The next 8 ways to tell her you like her help you keep your power to yourself and give her less power to reject you and stomp your heart to pieces.

2. Spend Time With Her

It’s pretty obvious you like her if you’re spending time and hanging out WITH HER – especially if your time is very important to you.

The more you seem to enjoy her company and being around her, the more it tells her you like her – without you needing to open your mouth and tell her.

3. Be Playful

high fiving her being playful

When you complement her too much and put her on a pedestal, you’re communicating, “I don’t believe I’m good enough for you and I wish and hope you’ll give me a chance…” This makes her feel repulsed instead of “drawn” to you.

But, when you’re interacting with her in a lighthearted, playful, and fun manner, you’re not communicating you think she’s better than you or you don’t have a chance with her. You’re saying, “I like you, I think you’re cool, and I want to have fun with you.”

4. Tease Her

Teasing her, without being a jerk, cuts straight through the nonsense, tells her you like her, and increase the chances of her liking you back.

Teasing her tells her you like her, she’s worth your time and attention, and she doesn’t intimidate you.

If she senses you’re intimidated by her, she unconsciously places you in the friend zone with the other guys who don’t have a chance with her.

Teasing her, giving her a hard time, and getting a rise out of her, in a fun and playful manner, communicate you’re interested in her and see her as more than a friend.

5. Flirt With Her

funny flirting

Rather than announcing it, flirting is the most obvious way to tell her you like her. It pounds all of her “attraction buttons” and helps you get closer to pounding HER “button”.

What To Do When Flirting:

  • Smile – but not too much
  • Be funny
  • Make lots of eye contact, without being creepy
  • Accuse her of flirting with you and being a pervert
  • Make sexual innuendos and when she laughs, accuse her of being a pervert, again
  • Touch her – without being a pervert
  • Be charming – without being fake
  • Be flattering – without kissing her butt
  • Exaggerate compliments – in a funny way
  • Play hard-to-get

Most of all, just be a fun, cool, and laid back guy.


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6. Take The Lead

man leading woman

Show her you’re different and worth her time by taking the lead.

  • Choose the time and day you’re going out, where you’re going, and where you’re sitting
  • Pick the movie you’re watching
  • Grab her hand and pull her through a crowd
  • Physically move her if you need to
  • Say things like, “Let’s go here”, “Let’s do this”, “Come here”, “We gotta go”, “I’ve heard this place is great, let’s eat here”, “I don’t feel like going there”, “I don’t feel like doing that”, etc.

Don’t say things like, “Where do you want to go?”, “I want to take you to your favorite movie/restaurant/bar”, “Is it OK if I grab your hand? We have to move”, “Do you feel like going to…?”, etc.

See the difference?

Be casual, indifferent, and cool about taking the lead and she’ll be cool with it and like it.

Women love when you lead the way and they’re just following.

In fact, most women prefer you to lead.

7. Get Physical

not afraid to touch her

Let her know you like her by not being afraid to grab her hand, kiss her, touch her, etc.

Communicate you’re interested by holding her hand just a second too long when you meet her or see her.

Touching is by far the fastest and most powerful way to build comfort and rapport with her.

Touching connects two people faster than talking, body language, and visual elements.

If you’re not afraid to communicate with her on a physical level, she’ll know you like her and it’ll spark the attraction you’re wanting.

8. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Sexual

If you’re making sexual innuendos, talking to her in a sexual tone, looking at her in a sexual way, or just communicating in a sexual manner, it’s blatantly obvious you like her and she’ll get the hint.

It takes balls and being completely open to rejection, but begins to happen naturally once you gain experience with women and dating.

9. Don’t Do What ALL the Other Guys Would Do

Last, show her you like her and get her attention by not making the same lame, predictable, and boring rookie mistakes as the other guys trying to get her attention.

She doesn’t want you to:

  • Buy flowers
  • Write her letters
  • Chase her airplane at the airport
  • Stand outside her door or window in the pouring rain
  • Ask her on a date on the radio

Learning how women think and respond and what they’re attracted to makes you different and “better” in her eyes.

Do the opposite of what most guys would do. Stand out. Capture her attention.


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Video: When You Listen to Family and Friends About How to Tell Her You Like Her


Ways NOT to Tell Her You Like Her

We often make the next 9 mistakes when we don’t have enough experience with women, we don’t understand how attraction works, we’re clouded by our emotions, or were in a hurry tell her how we feel. These things put you in a very bad spot with her and it’s hard to recover from it.

1. Blindsiding Her

When you don’t haven’t build rapport or a history with her, don’t show up out of the blue and say, “Hey I’m So and So and I really like you!”

If you interact with her a lot, she’ll be surprised, but not completely blindsided. If she doesn’t know you at all, it’ll come off as awkward and desperate.

2. Giving Her Money or Paying Her Bills

giving women money

Using money communicates, “You can use me for money because I have low standards, I’m desperate, needy, and I want you no matter what it takes.” This mindset DOES NOT win her over and cause her to feel attraction for you.

Never give her money in order to gain approval or be her hero. Never pay her bills to “save her”.

Instead of her thinking you’re her “hero”, she’ll think you’re a tool and a pushover.

If she knows she can use you, then you can forget ever being with her.

3. Buying Flowers and Gifts

Flowers and gifts tell her you like her, but it also tells her you’re friend zone material.

If you want her to like you back, YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER FEEL ATTRACTION.

Buying flowers that she can sniff and some chocolates that will give her pimples does not spark the uncontrollable attraction you’re looking for. Leave the gift giving to the guys who want to be friend-zoned.

4. Putting Her On a Pedestal

Again, this creates awareness of your affection for her, BUT it also lets her know she has you wrapped around her finger.

When you’re wrapped around her finger, she’s not thinking about having sex with you, spending time with you, waking up next to you, being with you, or bragging to her friends about you.

Putting her on a pedestal and kissing her ass makes her think, “Great…Another guy who’s trying to get into my pants”.


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5. Sending “Secret Admirer” Stuff

secret admirer

Secret admirer stuff makes her think you’re scared of women and a coward.

Women say it’s “sweet, cute, and exciting” – but again, it doesn’t make her feel attraction.

It puts her on the spot, makes her feel like someone it watching her, and it makes her feel creeped out and weird.

6. Telling Her Friends or Family to Tell Her You Like Her

Asking her friends and family if she likes you or asking them to tell her you like her freaks her out.

It’s just weird and sneaky because it’s cowardly.

This never works and if it does, you’re very, very lucky.

7. Waiting Until You or Her Are Intoxicated

dont tell her you like her when drinking

Just because you, her, or both are a bit intoxicated doesn’t mean it’s the right time to tell her you like her. It’s a horrible time to do it!

Let her drink and have fun. Don’t mess it up by making things serious, heavy, and awkward. It’s not OK to think she’ll be more “open” to it because her judgement is impaired.

8. Writing Love Letters

dont tell her you like her with a letter

Before computers, cell phones, and even phones, in general, letters were the main form of communication. Letters and romantic notes were romantic, sweet, thoughtful, kind, and the “gentlemanly” thing to do.

But in this day and age, she’s going to think, “A letter? What the hell?”

I’ve seen friends of mine think sharing their feelings through handwritten “letters” were a good idea and, to put it lightly, it didn’t go as planned.

9. Pouring Your Heart Out and Getting Emotional

getting emotional when telling her you like her

I saved the worst for last because it only works in the movies.

NEVER THINK ABOUT DOING THIS! Smack yourself in the face until the thought is gone.

Logic and instinct says to “take a chance” and “leave it all on the table” but it won’t work UNLESS she’s feeling exactly the same way. And your chances of that are slim to none.

If you get emotional, pour your heart out, or show up in front of her window with a radio, she will know she owns you and the attraction will die. It communicates that you’re the easiest guy in the world and it’s not the guy she’s looking for.


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Conclusion and Recap

show her you like her

As you can probably tell, telling her you like her and getting a favorable response can be tricky. It takes thinking outside of the box and remembering you have to spark attraction. Her thinking you’re nice, sweet, or cute doesn’t make her want you as more than a friend.

If you still want to pour your heart, go ahead, but you’ve been warned.

So before you tell her you like her or you’re “in love” with her, which I strongly suggest you DON’T DO, come up with a game plan and try these things out.

Build attraction, make her “feel” emotions for you, and show her you’re worth her time by:

  • Spending time with her
  • Being playful
  • Teasing her
  • Flirting with her
  • Touching her
  • Taking the lead
  • Not giving her money and kissing her ass
  • Not blindsiding her, pouring your heart out, and getting emotional
  • And most of all, not doing what ALL the other guys do

Thanks for reading.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck,

– Marc Summers


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20 Comments on “9 Ways to Tell Her You Like Her (and 9 Ways Not to!)

  1. “It’s Not How Much You Like Her – It’s How Much SHE LIKES YOU”. Exactly. Since no woman could ever like me as more than a friend, there’s no point in expressing my desire for any woman, no matter how strong it is. So I never have – and have many women friends – and have never even kissed a woman. Great advice for guys who are actually capable of attracting a woman (of being *liked*) – but the stuff of unreachable dreams for the rest of us.

    • Paul, what is your reason for commenting on this article other that to express self-pity and make yourself look like a victim? Women probably don’t like you as more than a friend because you probably have this “feel sorry for me” bs, like what you did right here, going on when you’re around them. You try attracting them by getting them to sympathize with you. It doesn’t work that way, Paul. If you haven’t kissed a girl, that’s your fault for always being a wuss about it and never being brave enough to read books, watch videos, educate yourself, make changes, and get over yourself and how “bad” your life is. Quit being judgmental about information that can actually help you. It’s your fault for never taking risks and putting yourself in highly uncomfortable situations that will force you to grow and change. You may think I’m a dick for telling you this but sometimes people need someone in their life being completely honest with them in order for them to become better. I’m sure no one else around you has told you this or else you’d have a different mindset. It is HOW MUCH SHE LIKES YOU and it’s obvious why you’re pretty unlikable. Get over yourself and change it.

  2. Girls are sometimes complicated to understand. Sometimes you don’t know what’s going in their head. If a girl is totally into you than all she needs is your time and how you make her feel loved and respect her. If she is just in a relationship with you for fun than you gotta be careful.
    If you are getting the vibe of love from her side as well then everything mention in the article is worth following.

  3. I am a girl and this was very helpful. I went up to the person I liked and told her I really liked her. She said she liked me back. Then we both kissed. It was awesome. LISTIN TO THE ARTICLE.IT WILL CHANGE UR LIFE.

  4. Wow.
    I think I’ve done almost every single thing on the “do not” list haha!
    Very helpful article, thanks for putting it together

    -Formerly Friendzoned

    • Hi Marc,

      Great article! I’ve done almost everything in the “do not do” list as well, short of the secret admirer and involving her family and friends. Those two are especially heinous. My particular downfall was writing my feelings out in letters.

      I was (and still am) very good at writing, and I was extremely shy and introverted in high school. I thought I would be able to get my message across by writing notes and sticking them in girl’s lockers. I thought it would show them that I stood out because I could write these long, gushing letters admitting I liked them for months but just couldn’t bring myself to say it. It worked – once.

      The girl (my study partner) was pretty understanding and thought I had courage. It was only after the first and only date with her that I realized I was completely unprepared for what happens next. I spent so much time worrying about getting my feelings out there, and then I froze up and was a nervous wreck when we met for our “date.”

      This is one of the rare instances where I actually managed to keep in touch with her throughout high school and college. We developed a friendship a year later where we could laugh at my cringey behavior. Never dated her but we still see each other occasionally; she’s the closest female friend I have because she knew my heart was in the right place and we can look back and laugh about how unprepared we both were. The sexual attraction is gone, but it turned out okay in the end. The other girls reaction was avoidance and I got a rep for being a creep. Thank god I broke out of that phase when I was 17.

      All the romantic comedy antics listed (standing outside her house in the rain, getting her friends & ugh… family involved, secret admirer stuff) is just downright creepy. If anyone even thinks this is even a remotely good idea, STOP! For the love of God, DO NOT PROCEED!

      I’m 39 now, and things started turning around for me when I was 17. Still had those intense feelings, but keeping them to myself and acting like I didn’t really care was the cure for my situation. Keeping an air of mystery and being nonchalant about it is the key to sparking the attraction. If she thinks you’ve got better things to do, the odds are great that she will eventually try to interject herself into your life.

      You musn’t sperg out when it happens. Sorry / not sorry if that’s offensive or taken the wrong way, but it really does define a thirsty male’s obsession with women. Resist the urge to read into everything she does. It is so counter-intuitive, but you MUST make her want you by acting indifferent. Sure, lots of guys will very openly hit on her, but your self-control will set you apart from them.

      To this day, I don’t have any social media accounts. No SpaceFace, MyBook, Instachat, Snapgrammer; NONE of that. I have a 12-year old YouTube account, but I don’t count that as a social media site since I don’t post anything. Why? First of all, I work in IT and I can tell you that the info gathered about your life through the aggregation of metadata is Orwellian. But that’s not the only reason. Today, most women are going to check for you on ALL those sites. The less they know, the better. If you MUST have Facebook, LOCK IT DOWN to just family and friends, or create a burner account.

      Anyway, this is getting long but just wanted to add my two cents to this great article. You’ve encapsulated all the relevant advice a man needs if things aren’t happening for you. When I was in my teens, I would say that everything I just wrote was complete bullshit. The truth is that these are the lessons you need to learn as early as possible. Don’t think with your other head.

      Thanks again,
      Matt

  5. Hey Marc, just wanted to ask a similar question. There’s a girl who i’ve had quite strong feelings towards for the past couple of months. We’re pretty close friends, spend a fair amount of time together the past few months and I effectively do most of the things you have listed. Tease her or ‘take the piss’ as it’s called often, make innuendos, and absolutely don’t act as a ‘kiss-ass’ around her as well as don’t try and do what the other guys do. As i’ve basically witnessed her reject someone who tried those sorts of techniques. She is quite a private person with feelings so i’m not entirely sure what else to do and if she would respond to this anyway, that’s if she has the same feelings towards me.

  6. Hey Marcus. I was hoping you could give me some advice. So the school hear is pretty much over and I want to tell this girl I like her. She’s in 2 of my classes and in my advisory (advisory being this class we have everyday where we get to know eachother). We started talking over Snapchat recently and I was hoping to just say I like her. How should I do this? Or should I even?

    • The bad news is you waited until the end of the school year to do it. Just exchange numbers with her and build a friendship/relationship with her over the summer.

    • I want to tell her I like her and will like to start a relationship with her but I do not know how to go about it. My heart pumps cos I don’t want her to say no. How do I do that?????

    • If they’re already interested in you, most girls definitely want you to be upfront. But if your feelings for her are stronger or if she’s unsure of you, then being blunt right off the bat will probably lead to a rejection.

  7. I have this girl I met recently I think I have some likens for her though. But she wants me to buy her and pay all for her stuff. I paid for the hair and nails once, but she wants other things too.
    I just told her I’m afraid I can’t pay for anything for her anymore so got so mad at me saying I’m taking her for a gold digger. I tried to make her understand that’s not what I however, how do you handle this kind of relationship issues. Because I’m about been fed up with her.

  8. Hey Marc, great stuff but there is this girl in my class, we are good friends stuff like that. and then one day she kisses me and tells me she likes me, but she is dating a good friend of mine. I told her I liked her over text and the next day she said ily, what should I do? We are both in year 7

    Please email me rl4freestylers@gmail.com

    • You should not do that to your friend. Display self-control and tell her that’s not cool to do to your friend and her boyfriend.

  9. letters are still the gentlemanly thing to do, its the equivalent or alternative to a verbal i like you ….

  10. Great stuff Marc straight to the point….I have this girl whom I’m in love with she always complain about me not telling her how much I love her and complimenting her.What can I do in this situation?

    • That sounds weird. Tell her to come back once she’s found some confidence and self-esteem. That’s not your job to compliment her to make her feel good about herself. Stay away from women who are that insecure.

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Hi, I'm Marc Summers

marc summers of major league dating

I used to suck big time with women, dating, and relationships even though I was nicer than other guys, tried my hardest, and followed all of the dating advice. The women I landed, unsurprisingly, weren’t very picky or hard to get and I regularly got cheated on and dumped. Despite being the nice, generous, thoughtful, and loving guy I thought women wanted, once they got to know me, the attraction disappeared.

The day my girlfriend left me for her ex 30 minutes after hearing he got out jail was the day I decided to get serious, figure out EXACTLY what I was doing wrong, and make some changes.

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Once you figure out what’s wrong and fix the problems in each one of these areas, your dating life will become easier, less stressful, and more rewarding. 

To share the powerful information I learned and make you better with women, dating, and relationships, I’ve written multiple best-selling books and have helped over 1-million men get better results. No matter how screwed up and hopeless your situation seems right now, I can help you improve it.

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Loved it, straight to the point and no bullshit. I noted myself to call each that I switch number with.

Doug M.You've changed a life for the best

I have "Declare War on Yourself" and I've lost count, but I'm guessing I'm on my 15th time listening to it. I actually always have it on a loop. I listen every minute in the car, around the house, and while I'm going to sleep. I'm huge on self-improvement books since my dad got me Think and Grow Rich when I was 13. I'm 46 now, so I've read/listened to them all including all of Tony Robbins seminars, etc. Declare War is THE ONLY one I need now. It is the only one ANYONE would ever need. I just want to thank you a million times over. I even play small snippets for my 5 year old. (where appropriate) I noticed positive changes in my life since the first listen. It's more like an intervention of your life from a friend at a coffee shop. It's a "Dude, you need to get your shit together, and here's how" approach. Thank you for the time you took to write this book. You hit on EVERY area of life. I want you to know you've changed a life for the best. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

A. Baker

Thank you so much for your help and replying, I actually didn’t think you would. You might be in a handful of people on the internet who actually want to help people on a personal level and not steal their money.

Vineet

I would like to tell you that they have absolutely changed my life. The girl whom I liked but she didn’t like me has started to talk to me. I mean you were an angel to me, I now have personal priorities and goals sorted out. God must have sent you to me. I don’t know how can I thank you for being such a helpful person a mentor and a counselor.

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