You’re Most Likely to Succeed if You Understand It’s Not How Much You Like Her, It’s How Much She Likes YOU
The thing I wish I knew sooner was that IT DOESN’T MATTER how much you like her – it only matters how much she likes YOU! We make the simple, yet fatal, mistake of thinking the more we like her, the more she SHOULD like us back and not break our heart. We think that because we’re opening up, making ourselves vulnerable, and telling her how we feel, that if she shuts us down, she’s a horrible person. Wrong. It simply doesn’t work that way. That’s fantasy land thinking. It’s time to grow up and improve your mindset when it comes to women if you want more success with them. If you really think about it, you’ll realize that liking her doesn’t make her feel more attraction for you. It doesn’t force her to want you. There’s no unwritten rule that says women HAVE TO like you back just because you like them.
The simple fact is that women can’t force themselves to feel attraction for you because you think they’re beautiful and you’re infatuated with them. It either happens or it doesn’t. As you’ll learn in my book How Attracting Women Really Works 2nd Edition, they aren’t in control of how they “feel” about you. You are through your mindset, decisions, actions, behavior, and responses. If you don’t understand what I’m talking about, get the book and read it immediately.
When you like her and want her to like you back, that dying urge and “need” to tell her how you feel creeps up and drives you insane. You feel you’re going to explode if you go another minute without telling her how much you like her and how you truly feel! BUT, before you open your mouth, tell her how you feel, and potentially mess everything up, you need to strategize how you’re going to do it.
Telling her you like her IS A BIG DEAL and it requires a well-thought-out plan to determine the best course of action in the matter. Most guys who go into it blindly and without thinking about fall flat on their face and embarrass themselves. I’m trying to save you from the trouble and embarrassment.
Telling Her How You Feel without It Backfiring Requires Strategy
What you’re thinking about doing might not get you the results and response you’re looking for. It’s all about how she’s going to respond to it and you have to anticipate and think about it beforehand. It requires a better understanding of how human beings react to things being thrown in their direction.
From experience, the most effective way to tell her you like her is using actions and reactions – NOT WORDS. Rookies use words to try to shortcut the system and eliminate any time and work required. Experienced men use behavior and strategy and they KNOW they don’t have to do much talking. Women are better than you think at figuring out what’s going on in your mind regardless of what comes out of your mouth. Attraction is usually strongest when your actions and behavior patterns communicate that you like her and how you feel. The right behavior and strategy also tells her that you’re experienced, you know what you’re doing, and you’re not like other guys. Women actually do pay attention to and understand this on a conscious and unconscious level. It’s your behavior, not words, that causes women to unconsciously feel attraction. They can’t control it. When the attraction hits them, they can’t turn it off or do anything about it. So, when you like her and you’re feeling really emotional and conflicted about it, if you “react” to your feelings by using words and telling her how you feel, like most guys do, she’s more likely to overreact to it and not in the way you want. Words aren’t as likely to spark attraction and get the result you’re looking for.
To help you avoid making and huge mistake and avoid feeling like a, here are 9 effective ways to tell her you like her and 8 ways NOT to.
Remember, most of the ways on this list to tell her you like her and how you feel are NON-VERBAL. If you’re uncomfortable doing any of them, DO THEM ANYWAYS and force yourself to get out of your comfort zone and grow as a person. the more you grow, the easier it become to communicate with women, attract them, and build relationships with them.
1. Have Some Balls and Be Direct
Let’s make sure we understand eachother: this is your VERY LAST OPTION. If she’s highly distracted, clueless, or not seeing the hints your sending her way through your behavior, which is extremely rare, telling her you like her and how you feel just might get your attention.
Again, THIS IS THE RISKIEST OPTION. This is putting all of your money on the table and hoping you get lucky. This option should be saved for a final Hail Mary or a rainy day. This means you’ve exhausted your options and you’re at the point of, “Fuck it. I don’t care anymore. If this doesn’t work I’m moving on.”
Being direct and telling her you like her and how you feel can be way too much for her and you’re putting your cards on the table, giving up your power and position, and giving her the power to reject you on the spot. You DO NOT want her having that power over you. I go into detail about this in my eBook and Audiobook How Attracting Women Really Works. It’s something you absolutely need to know if you don’t fully understand it.
If she happens to ask if you like her, then yes, be direct but keep it short and don’t get overly emotional about it. This is not a free pass to pour your heart out and become weak and unattractive. The strategy I use when women ask how I feel is I tell them to tell me what they’re thinking first so I’m not sure to go beyond what they say. If they tell me they’re developing feelings but they don’t want to rush anything, then I agree and say the SAME THING. I do not one-up her and reveal more than she does. It’s very very important to remember this.
2. Spend Time With Her
Spending time with her, especially if she knows how important your time is, that is if you actually have a life, lol, sends all of the right messages. It tells her she’s important and you value her. Nobody in their right mind just spends time with people they don’t like and don’t want to be around. Actions speak louder than words and if you’re spending time with her, it’ll be pretty obvious to her that you, at least, like her.
In this day and age, with so many distractions and things we can easily find to keep us busy, it means a lot to anyone when you’re able to divert your attention away from other things and give it to them.
Keep in mind that spending too much time with her usually isn’t’ good. Especially if you just met her. Too much time can indicate you don’t have a life, you’re too bored, or you like her way too much and you’re in a hurry to get to know her. It makes you look desperate and communicates you’re using the dopamine rush you get around her to fill a void in your own life and satisfy a need or a craving that you should be handling yourself. No, I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about psychological issues such as needing attention, approval, and validation. Even if someone can’t explain what they’re seeing, they know it’s a red flag that doesn’t make them feel great. Also, from my own experience, spending too much time with her also creates the risk of killing the excitement and her getting bored. The less time she spends with you and the less she knows about you, the more she wants to be around you and get to know you. When I feel I’m overdoing it with anyone, even if it’s just texting, I deliberately force time and space between us. I deliberately take a break because I know I’m headed for dangerous ground.
3. Be Playful
Are you ever playful with people you don’t like? I know I’m not. That’s like super fake if you are. Being playful is the fastest way to build attraction and communicate to her that you like her and there is no wall between the two of you. It doesn’t exactly communicate that you have feelings for her but it does tell her you’re feeling some kind of attraction for her.
Being playful and having fun during your interactions with her doesn’t put you in the same dangerous territory as kissing her ass and complimenting her to get approval. It doesn’t communicate that you’re desperate for attention or scared of her. It communicates you’re unafraid of her and you enjoy being around her. It sends all of the right messages without you having to say ANYTHING. If you’re super playful and she asks if you like her, then there’s a real problem with her medulla oblongata.
Interacting with her in a lighthearted, playful, and fun manner communicates you don’t think she’s better than you and you’re confident you probably have a chance with her. You’re non-verbally communicating, “I like you, I think you’re cool, and I want to have fun with you.”
4. Tease Her
Teasing her, without being a jerk, cuts straight through the nonsense, tells her you like her, and increase the chances of her liking you back.
Teasing her tells her you like her, she’s worth your time and attention, and she doesn’t intimidate you.
If she senses you’re intimidated by her, she unconsciously places you in the friend zone with the other guys who don’t have a chance with her.
Teasing her, giving her a hard time, and getting a rise out of her, in a fun and playful manner, communicate you’re interested in her and see her as more than a friend.
5. Flirt With Her
Rather than announcing it, flirting is the most obvious way to tell her you like her. It pounds all of her “attraction buttons” and helps you get closer to pounding HER “button”.
What To Do When Flirting:
- Smile – but not too much
- Be funny
- Make lots of eye contact, without being creepy
- Accuse her of flirting with you and being a pervert
- Make sexual innuendos and when she laughs, accuse her of being a pervert, again
- Touch her – without being a pervert
- Be charming – without being fake
- Be flattering – without kissing her butt
- Exaggerate compliments – in a funny way
- Play hard-to-get
Most of all, just be a fun, cool, and laid back guy.
6. Take The Lead
Show her you’re different and worth her time by taking the lead.
- Choose the time and day you’re going out, where you’re going, and where you’re sitting
- Pick the movie you’re watching
- Grab her hand and pull her through a crowd
- Physically move her if you need to
- Say things like, “Let’s go here”, “Let’s do this”, “Come here”, “We gotta go”, “I’ve heard this place is great, let’s eat here”, “I don’t feel like going there”, “I don’t feel like doing that”, etc.
Don’t say things like, “Where do you want to go?”, “I want to take you to your favorite movie/restaurant/bar”, “Is it OK if I grab your hand? We have to move”, “Do you feel like going to…?”, etc.
See the difference?
Be casual, indifferent, and cool about taking the lead and she’ll be cool with it and like it.
Women love when you lead the way and they’re just following.
In fact, most women prefer you to lead.
7. Get Physical
Let her know you like her by not being afraid to grab her hand, kiss her, touch her, etc.
Communicate you’re interested by holding her hand just a second too long when you meet her or see her.
Touching is by far the fastest and most powerful way to build comfort and rapport with her.
Touching connects two people faster than talking, body language, and visual elements.
If you’re not afraid to communicate with her on a physical level, she’ll know you like her and it’ll spark the attraction you’re wanting.
8. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Sexual
If you’re making sexual innuendos, talking to her in a sexual tone, looking at her in a sexual way, or just communicating in a sexual manner, it’s blatantly obvious you like her and she’ll get the hint.
It takes balls and being completely open to rejection, but begins to happen naturally once you gain experience with women and dating.
9. Don’t Do What ALL the Other Guys Would Do
Last, show her you like her and get her attention by not making the same lame, predictable, and boring rookie mistakes as the other guys trying to get her attention.
She doesn’t want you to:
- Buy flowers
- Write her letters
- Chase her airplane at the airport
- Stand outside her door or window in the pouring rain
- Ask her on a date on the radio
Learning how women think and respond and what they’re attracted to makes you different and “better” in her eyes.
Do the opposite of what most guys would do. Stand out. Capture her attention.
Video: When You Listen to Family and Friends About How to Tell Her You Like Her
Ways NOT to Tell Her You Like Her
We often make the next 9 mistakes when we don’t have enough experience with women, we don’t understand how attraction works, we’re clouded by our emotions, or were in a hurry tell her how we feel. These things put you in a very bad spot with her and it’s hard to recover from it.
1. Blindsiding Her
When you don’t haven’t build rapport or a history with her, don’t show up out of the blue and say, “Hey I’m So and So and I really like you!”
If you interact with her a lot, she’ll be surprised, but not completely blindsided. If she doesn’t know you at all, it’ll come off as awkward and desperate.
2. Giving Her Money or Paying Her Bills
Using money communicates, “You can use me for money because I have low standards, I’m desperate, needy, and I want you no matter what it takes.” This mindset DOES NOT win her over and cause her to feel attraction for you.
Never give her money in order to gain approval or be her hero. Never pay her bills to “save her”.
Instead of her thinking you’re her “hero”, she’ll think you’re a tool and a pushover.
If she knows she can use you, then you can forget ever being with her.
3. Buying Flowers and Gifts
Flowers and gifts tell her you like her, but it also tells her you’re friend zone material.
If you want her to like you back, YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER FEEL ATTRACTION.
Buying flowers that she can sniff and some chocolates that will give her pimples does not spark the uncontrollable attraction you’re looking for. Leave the gift giving to the guys who want to be friend-zoned.
4. Putting Her On a Pedestal
Again, this creates awareness of your affection for her, BUT it also lets her know she has you wrapped around her finger.
When you’re wrapped around her finger, she’s not thinking about having sex with you, spending time with you, waking up next to you, being with you, or bragging to her friends about you.
Putting her on a pedestal and kissing her ass makes her think, “Great…Another guy who’s trying to get into my pants”.
5. Sending “Secret Admirer” Stuff
Secret admirer stuff makes her think you’re scared of women and a coward.
Women say it’s “sweet, cute, and exciting” – but again, it doesn’t make her feel attraction.
It puts her on the spot, makes her feel like someone it watching her, and it makes her feel creeped out and weird.
6. Telling Her Friends or Family to Tell Her You Like Her
Asking her friends and family if she likes you or asking them to tell her you like her freaks her out.
It’s just weird and sneaky because it’s cowardly.
This never works and if it does, you’re very, very lucky.
7. Waiting Until You or Her Are Intoxicated
Just because you, her, or both are a bit intoxicated doesn’t mean it’s the right time to tell her you like her. It’s a horrible time to do it!
Let her drink and have fun. Don’t mess it up by making things serious, heavy, and awkward. It’s not OK to think she’ll be more “open” to it because her judgement is impaired.
8. Writing Love Letters
Before computers, cell phones, and even phones, in general, letters were the main form of communication. Letters and romantic notes were romantic, sweet, thoughtful, kind, and the “gentlemanly” thing to do.
But in this day and age, she’s going to think, “A letter? What the hell?”
I’ve seen friends of mine think sharing their feelings through handwritten “letters” were a good idea and, to put it lightly, it didn’t go as planned.
9. Pouring Your Heart Out and Getting Emotional
I saved the worst for last because it only works in the movies.
NEVER THINK ABOUT DOING THIS! Smack yourself in the face until the thought is gone.
Logic and instinct says to “take a chance” and “leave it all on the table” but it won’t work UNLESS she’s feeling exactly the same way. And your chances of that are slim to none.
If you get emotional, pour your heart out, or show up in front of her window with a radio, she will know she owns you and the attraction will die. It communicates that you’re the easiest guy in the world and it’s not the guy she’s looking for.
Conclusion and Recap
As you can probably tell, telling her you like her and getting a favorable response can be tricky. It takes thinking outside of the box and remembering you have to spark attraction. Her thinking you’re nice, sweet, or cute doesn’t make her want you as more than a friend.
If you still want to pour your heart, go ahead, but you’ve been warned.
So before you tell her you like her or you’re “in love” with her, which I strongly suggest you DON’T DO, come up with a game plan and try these things out.
Build attraction, make her “feel” emotions for you, and show her you’re worth her time by:
- Spending time with her
- Being playful
- Teasing her
- Flirting with her
- Touching her
- Taking the lead
- Not giving her money and kissing her ass
- Not blindsiding her, pouring your heart out, and getting emotional
- And most of all, not doing what ALL the other guys do
Thanks for reading.
I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck,
– Marc Summers