Not Being Mysterious Enough Can Be Bad
Can you remember meeting a really amazing woman and you immediately felt so comfortable and excited around her that you “opened up” and told her everything about yourself?
How did that go?
If it was anything like my past experiences of being an open book and blabbing my brains out, the first few dates probably went OK but she more than likely lost interest over a short time.
But why would she lose interest?
Shouldn’t she be really attracted and a lot more comfortable if she knows a lot of stuff about you?
Let’s look into it…
Here are 12 reasons why it’s better to keep a lid on it than to “spill the beans” or be an open book:
1. Our Instincts Almost Always F*ck Us Over
Our first instinct when we meet someone we’re highly interested in is to tell her every interesting and cool thing about ourselves so we can look as unique, interesting, and attractive as possible.
Our instincts tell us that if we leave no stone unturned, she’ll feel more comfortable, attracted, and close to us.
But how often have your “instincts” screwed you over?
Following our “instincts” is what usually messes everything up for us with women and the guys who have the most success usually go against their instincts in most matters.
- If they want to run away, they go and talk to her.
- If they’re afraid to kiss her, they go for it.
- If they want to call, they don’t.
- If they want to stay longer, they leave.
- If they want to tell her they like her, they don’t.
- They want to tell her their life story, they tell her as little as possible
It’s crazy the way it works!
Our instincts tell us to tell her everything we’ve achieved, how much money we make, what kind of car we drive, and what big name people we’re friends with or have met so we can look better and way cooler than any guy she’s ever met.
But this will backfire and explode in your face… so don’t freakin’ do it.
BUT Your Instincts Can Change and Grow Over Time
I’ve learned that our “instincts” are guided by what we ALREADY KNOW and the more we learn and grow, the more our instincts actually change.
Our instincts are an unconscious reaction to what feels safer.
Just like our “fight or flight” mechanisms, our instincts CAN be very wrong and keep us from doing amazing things in our lives.
BUT as we gain experience and our mind pieces together what really hurts us and what actually doesn’t hurt us, our instincts can change to push us towards something that “feels” scary and dangerous.
Since we’ve learned that the “scary and dangerous” thing won’t hurt us, our instincts naturally change and guide us to not be afraid of it anymore.
So when everyone else’s instinct is to NOT do a certain thing, our instinct is to do it because the reward is worth the risk.
2. She Doesn’t Really Care About Most of the Context Anyways
When we’re running our mouth and telling her everything, most of it is just context and not stuff that’s going to make her “feel” any attraction for us.
It’s just superficial junk that we’re trying to “wow” her with.
If you’ve read my eBook How to Quit Being a Loser With Women, then you know she has to “feel” emotions and associate those emotions with YOU in her mind in order to spark attraction.
Your life story doesn’t make her feel anything.
Yea you had a cute dog who died when you were 9 and you blamed your dad for running over it while he was drinking and mowing the lawn, but that stuff isn’t going to make her want to sleep with you.
She’s not going to sleep with you out of pity.
She’s not going to want to date you because you played on the varsity football team in high school.
She’s not going to brag to all her friends about you because you are the second best guy in the world at playing Call of Duty.
Leave the context out – it’s a waste of your time and it’ll only bore her.
I’ve had more women than I can remember or count telling me to “go home” with them and they didn’t even know my name or ANYTHING about me!
That’s how unimportant the “details” of your life are.
3. Telling Her Everything About Yourself Doesn’t Spark Attraction
She doesn’t care about all the details of your life because it doesn’t spark attraction.
You know what does?
Flirting with her, teasing her, making her laugh, etc.
That stuff sparks attraction and it doesn’t require you to tell her ANYTHING about yourself.
It’s a totally SEPARATE level of communication!
You can choose to go out with her and only communicate with her verbally by talking about yourself, OR you can not talk about yourself AT ALL and spark more attraction by having lots of fun with her.
Are you seeing the picture?
You are NOT REQUIRED to discuss anything personal about yourself in order for her to think you’re an amazing and great guy!
She won’t think you’re “too mysterious” or “unfamiliar” if you don’t tell her anything about yourself.
That’s your logic and instincts talking.
Logic and instinct are usually not on your team when it comes to attraction.
4. Telling Her Everything Can Look Needy and Desperate
If you’re feeling the “need” to be an open book so she’ll like you, it can mean you’re a needy guy and SHE WILL notice it.
She’ll probably be thinking, “When is this dude gonna be quiet?”
It can look like you’re desperate for her to like you and with many guys, this is EXACTLY the case!
She doesn’t want you to be desperate for her to like you – she just wants you to shut up, be cool, relaxed, and make her feel attraction.
5. It Can Also Look Like You Need Her Approval
When we want and need her to approve of us and think we’re an awesome guy, we think that telling her all about ourselves is the way to make it happen.
We believe the more she knows about us, the more approval we’ll get.
First of all, you don’t need her approval.
Second, approval doesn’t exactly equal attraction.
I’ve known A LOT of women who don’t approve of me and there are things they don’t like about me, but they’re still attracted and want to spend time with me.
Doesn’t make sense unless you know how attraction works.
6. Telling Her Everything Can Be Too Much and Too Fast For Her
She wants to take her time getting to know you and doesn’t see why there’s any kind of rush.
If you feel she needs to know as much as possible about you and as fast as possible, you’re rushing it and you’ll freak her out.
When it comes to her getting to know you, THERE IS NO “TOO SLOW”. As long as she’s attracted to you, she’s happy.
You know as well as I do that when things are moving “too fast” for her, she’s likely to have a miniature freak out and back away.