Your Girlfriend Dumped You Because SHE HAD TO
In relationships, every action gets a reaction. No matter what’s happening, you’re always reacting to her and she’s always reacting to you.
When you react in a wise, experienced, emotionally-controlled, and positive manner, she responds in similar fashion. When you react in a dumb, childish, irresponsible, and negative manner, her automatic and unconscious reactions are negative as well. The more positive you keep everything, the more attraction she feels and the less likely you are to get dumped. The more negative everything is, the more the attraction fades and dies until it’s all gone and she feels she NEEDS to dump you.
No Attraction = No Relationship
When she stops “feeling” attraction, her deep-rooted desires and instincts make it hard for her to feel “bad” about dumping you. Her natural “wiring” is no longer being stimulated and fed what it really wants and she’s unconsciously driven to dump you and move forward.
It’s to understand what’s happening in her mind so you can reflect, see where you went wrong, and make the appropriate changes to either get her back or lower your chances of being dumped in the future.
Here are the 14 most likely reasons your girlfriend dumped you:
1. You Don’t Have Your Shit Together
Although we grow up physically, many of us struggle to grow up mentally and emotionally. Growing up and getting your act together doesn’t mean your voice is deeper, your body is bigger, or you have some peach fuzz on your nuts. It’s not acting like a child anymore.
Growing up is about changing your perspective, mindset, and how you respond to people and situations.
Once in a while, she may think your childish behavior is cute but it doesn’t lead to the lasting attraction she wants.
When she sees you refuse to grow up, your girlfriend has no choice but to dump you and move on.
2. You’re Too Needy and Clingy
Being needy, clingy, and all over her like a baby makes your girlfriend feel “icky”. “Icky” like there’s a roach on her! “Icky” like a bird shitted on her head.
Needy and clingy is one of the top reasons women dump their boyfriends.
It’s OK to be in love, adore her, and even be attached to her, but it’s crucial to know when neediness and clinginess is a huge turn off.
When you’re needy and clingy, you’re:
- Calling and texting too much
- Constantly telling her you miss her and love her
- Acting weak and pathetic when she’s not around
- Always keeping tabs on her
- Needing to know when you can see her
- Begging her not to leave
- Not giving her personal space
It’s just impossible for her to feel attraction when you’re desperate, needy, and clingy.
3. You’re Too Co-Dependent
Unhappy being single and co-dependent is mental weakness. You’re feeling unloved, unwanted, and you’ll do anything to fill that “void”.
When you’re independent and happy being single, your mind is clear, you’re stress-free, and you’re more positive. You’re mentally stronger. You’re not an emotional mess. You feel complete and not in “need” of anyone.
If you enter a relationship because you NEED it, you’re bringing that desperate, needy, and WEAK mindset with you – and it’ll make your girlfriend think you’re weak, needy, and insecure.
Never jump into a relationship because you don’t want to be “alone”.
4. You’re Too Nice
“Too nice” kills attraction and makes you look weak and approval seeking and being cool, laid back, and “whatever” doesn’t make you a jerk or an asshole.
Your girlfriend doesn’t want you being too nice. She wants you to treat her like a normal person instead of putting her on a pedestal.
“Too nice” is boring. It doesn’t challenge her or make her “feel” intense sexual urges or feelings of attraction.
When your “niceness” is out of control and too much, she feels she has no other choice but to dump you and get away from it.
5. You Put Her on a Pedestal
Again, she wants to be treated as an equal. Your girlfriend doesn’t want to be put on a pedestal or come before your life and goals. She doesn’t you constantly seeking her approval or to have superiority over you. She doesn’t want you giving away your inner power to her.
When you worship her, you destroy the relationship because she no longer feels you and her are in the same league. It’s impossible for her to feel attraction for someone who consistently places themselves beneath her. She can’t feel attraction for someone who gives her too much “special treatment”.
6. She’s Tired of Your Whining and Complaining
Whining, complaining, bitching, and crying in front of your girlfriend is a sure way to communicate you’re weak, not worth her time, and you want to get dumped. She wants you to act like a man instead of a little boy who constantly gets bent out of shape.
Whatever life throws at you, suck it up, deal with it, and never complain about it.
Don’t allow anything to make you emotional, weak, and feel like a victim. Most of what happens is beyond your control and bitching and whining never makes it better. It only annoys your girlfriend, makes her think you’re a wimp, and tells her you can’t handle what life throws at you.
As a result, she’s convinced you can’t “handle” anything tough and her best choice is to dump you and get away from you.
7. You’re Emotionally Weak
After hearing you whine and complain way too much, your girlfriend decided you’re just too emotional and weak. She had no choice but to dump you and find someone mentally stronger.
Women are not NOT attracted to guys who can’t and don’t control their emotions.
No matter what you’re going through with your girlfriend, DO NOT allow yourself to lose control of your emotions and yourself.
When you have your emotions under control, it’s one less thing for her to want to dump you over.
8. You’re Too Jealous
Another way to be needy, clingy, desperate, insecure, out-of-control of your emotions, and unattractive in a relationship is to get way too jealous.
A little jealousy doesn’t hurt anything, especially if you’ve been with your girlfriend for a long time, but overdoing it doesn’t make her feel appreciated, loved, and special. It makes her feel you have some serious issues.
Too much jealousy pisses her off and if you’re accusing her of cheating all of the time, she’s 10 times more likely to do it.
Instead of getting jealous, let her have her space just keep your jealous feelings to yourself. Encourage her to have her freedom. If she goes out without you, don’t make a big deal out of it. If for some reason she cheats, that’s her loss and not your fault.
It’s not necessary to put your girlfriend on a leash and control her because you’re too jealous.
Even if what she’s doing with the space you give her looks really bad, control your emotions, keep your cool, and don’t get insecure about it. Don’t freak out and make yourself the victim of the situation.
9. You Don’t Respect Her Privacy
She wants her space and privacy. Just because she’s your girlfriend doesn’t mean it’s OK to be nosy ask her where she’s been, look through her phone, question her friends, snoop through her social media, etc. You have to respect your girlfriend’s boundaries and her privacy.
The trust is lost when she sees you don’t respect her privacy and it changes the dynamic of the relationship instantly and, possibly, permanently.
When she feels like a prisoner in her own relationship, she feels the only way to get out of it is to dump you.
10. You Handle Conflict Poorly
All relationships experience conflict and how you deal with that conflict is what makes or breaks the relationship.
During conflict, your girlfriend gains respect for you or loses it. She feels more attraction for you or less. If you keep your head on straight, the attraction multiplies. If you freeze up, have a meltdown, and demonstrate you’re incapable of handling the conflict, the attraction dies and she starts thinking about her future with you.
She feels less “safe” and confident being with you when you can’t handle conflict.
Her need to feel safe with you is a natural part of who she is and if you can’t handle conflict appropriately, you look weak, scared, and unable to protect her. It’s a very basic requirement when she’s your girlfriend. If you can’t meet the requirement, she’s justified in feeling like she needs to break up with you. She’s justified in finding that safety and security elsewhere.
11. You Allow Her to Use You and Walk All Over You
The minute your girlfriend knows she can treat you however she wants, that’s when she loses respect for you and the attraction dies.
Never, under any circumstances, allow women to use you, be abusive, or walk all over you.
Letting her have her way with you doesn’t spark attraction or make her like you more – it just makes her think less of you.
During the relationship, if she used you, walked all over you, and got her way with you all of the time, she dumped you because she didn’t respect you.
She wants a man who doesn’t tolerate her bad behavior and isn’t afraid to tell her “no”. A man who won’t put up with her “shit” and doesn’t let her walk all over him. A man who draws a line and makes sure she knows not to cross it.
Naturally, she wants you to respect yourself and demand respect from her.
12. The Feelings Aren’t Mutual
Relationships work best when you don’t share more feelings than she does.
Play it safe with the 50/50 rule:
If she says, “I like you”, respond with, “I like you too”. If she says, “I think you’re great”, say, “I think you’re great too”. Mirror her emotions and feelings and never reveal more than she does.
When you surprise her with “I’m in love with you!” and you don’t know if she feels the same way, you’re risking it being “too much” for her. You’re taking a chance of really freaking her out and causing her to dump you or run away.
So, in a relationship, if your girlfriend isn’t making it obvious that she wants to keep escalating, then play it cool, stay put, and don’t push your “feelings” on her. If she’s escalating things slowly, stay at her pace and don’t rush it.
If she’s never talked about the “future” or marriage and you don’t know how she feels about it, don’t propose to her out of nowhere.
13. You Have No Goals or Future Plans
Your girlfriend is in it for the long haul if things go in the right direction and things “going in the right direction” includes her knowing what her future with you looks like. She wants to, at least, have an idea of what life with you will look like in 5 years.
If you’re a lazy guy who plays video games all day and night, you have a dead end job, you’re not bettering yourself, and you’re not working towards goals, what reason does she have for staying with you long-term? How is she going to feel safe about her future with you? She’s not. She wants a to be with a man who has goals, can provide for her, has access to resources, and will able to successfully run and keep up with a family.
Yes, most women want to, eventually, have a family and if she doesn’t see that being a sure thing with you, she will dump you and move on so she can accomplish what her biological time clock and natural “wiring” is pushing her to do.
So, if you don’t have big plans, goals, dreams, aspirations, etc., force yourself to move your life in that direction. Take action to make things happen.
When you have goals and you’re working towards them, women feel more compelled to be with you.
14. You Let Yourself Go
After you’ve been with her for so long and it feels like she’ll never leave, it’s easy to get lazy and develop the “she’s not going anywhere” attitude and mindset. It’s easy to get complacent, stop worrying about your looks, and assume she’s automatically and ALWAYS feeling attraction because she’s your girlfriend.
But it’s not automatic. You have to keep attracting her. If you get lazy and assume she’ll always be attracted no matter what, you’re wrong. She can’t force herself to feel attraction – you have to work at it. Even if you’ve been with her for years, you need to continue being attractive.
One of the biggest reasons women dump their boyfriends or file for divorce is because he becomes complacent and “lets himself go”. Don’t allow this to happen. Don’t “let yourself go” and stop caring about your looks and behavior. Never assume she’ll always think you’re sexy even if you gain 100 pounds, quit grooming, and quit showering every day. Work out, eat healthy, take care of yourself, and stay as attractive as you can.
Your girlfriend is not trying to be a jerk by dumping you. She, literally, has no control over her attraction mechanisms or her natural “wiring” guiding her feelings and actions.
If you’re not giving her what she naturally wants, needs, and is compelled to go after, she will naturally want to find it elsewhere.
Whenever you get dumped by your girlfriend, see it as a learning experience and as an opportunity to grow. Educate yourself, make changes, make improvements, and work to become more attractive in all ways.
Thanks for reading,
– Marc Summers