The Definition of Being A Loser
What is a loser?
What makes you a loser?
What makes others think or see you as a loser?
What makes WOMEN think or see you as a loser?
Now the obvious definition of loser is someone who is NOT WINNING. That’s very clear.
But, to narrow it down even more, the definition we’re really aiming for in this article is someone who is NOT WINNING WITH WOMEN.
We all have different definitions for the word “loser” that we hold in our mind but in this article I want to focus on the term “loser” as being a guy who doesn’t quite know exactly what he’s doing with women – and more than likely doesn’t come close to standing a chance with them.
1. a person who has failed at a particular activity
2. someone or something that is marked by consistently or thoroughly bad quality, performance, etc.
I believe these two terms for loser are a good fit for what we’re talking about because when we “fail” with women and dating and we consistently “perform” poorly and display low-quality behavior, women tend to see us or think of us as losers.
Being Called A Loser Sucks
Now I’m not using the term “loser” because I believe it’s funny or entertaining in any way.
In my opinion, it’s not…
It’s actually a word that many of us in one way or another associate with pain, embarrassment, and severe anxiety.
And some of us even STILL remember a time when we were called a loser and just the memory of it still hits a nerve.
The sting from that one time just doesn’t quite go away. It’s something that remains for a while.
So it’s my belief that being called a “loser” by women we like is no laughing matter.
I’ve heard many women throughout my life casually or nonchalantly refer to certain men as “losers” and what they mean by this is that these men don’t stand a chance in hell with them.
Being seen or thought of as a loser by someone whose opinion we really value, such as a woman we like, is the very last thing we ever want… obviously.
It totally sucks. It’s not the frame or category we want to be put in or associated with.
For most of us, when we meet a woman, we fantasize of showing up, “wowing” her, having her think we’re the coolest guy ever, and from then on, we are hands down the greatest thing that’s ever happened to her.
But the sad and harsh reality is that most of us, at one time or another, have had a woman we liked think we’re a loser, call us one, or see us as one for one reason or another – and there was nothing fun or awesome about it.
So since I’m just like you and I have never liked being called a loser by anyone, especially women, I’ve spent the last 12 years or so working on myself and doing my best to learn what really makes women categorize us as a loser, why, and what makes women see us as the opposite – a winner.
…which is what we obviously want and what women ultimately want.
In this article, I’m sharing with you 36 very powerful and realistic reasons that might make a woman you like see you as a loser or think you actually are one.
As you learn these, really do your best to internalize what you learn and go to work making changes within yourself to get better results with the women you like.
1. You Don’t Accept Yourself As You Are
When we are faced with the truth about who we are, how we think, what we think, how we behave and conduct ourselves, mistakes we’ve made, and what things about us are possibly holding us back, most of us would rather just look away and not have to deal with it.
We would rather make up stories and try to paint ourselves in a different light not only to ourselves, but to other people as well.
We find it hard to accept ourselves as we are.
We don’t like the idea of looking at our true selves because we’re afraid of what we’re going to see and it can cause us a lot of pain, anxiety, shame, embarrassment, internal conflict, and probably even guilt.
Women have an internal radar that detects this stuff and they are able to spot it from a mile away when we’re not accepting ourselves for who or what we are and we’re trying to be someone or something different.
This is a big red flag to them and they’ll label us as a loser because we’re walking around trying to be someone else and the story we’re telling people about who we really are doesn’t quite line up with the truth.
One of the most powerful things you can do to get women to quit thinking of you as a loser or seeing you as a loser is to look yourself in the eye and begin accepting yourself for what you see.
If you’ve made a bunch of mistakes in the past, it’s ok. Accept it.
If you’ve been trying to act like someone different than who you really are, that’s ok too. Just accept that’s what you’ve been doing and do your best to stop.
If you’re shorter than average, like me, just accept it. Don’t try to act tougher and more macho to make up for it. That stuff makes women see you as a loser. Just be yourself.
Whatever it is that you haven’t been accepting yourself for, RIGHT NOW is the time to make it right.
Just quietly close your eyes, think about all the stuff you’ve been denying, and repeat to yourself, “I accept myself as I am… I accept myself as I am….”
Do this as much as you have to until you start feeling changes.
Do whatever is necessary to accept whatever it is you’ve been trying to cover up and move on with your life.
Once again, a woman’s loser radar will start pinging when she sees you’re a man who doesn’t accept himself and tries to cover it up or make excuses for it.
If you don’t want women thinking or seeing you as a loser, don’t do this stuff. Just accept yourself as you are.
2. You Don’t Understand Women
Another reason women can see or think of us as losers and a big reason we often crash and burn with them is because we just don’t quite understand women.
We make the mistake of thinking their minds work just like ours and they’re logical creatures just like us. We think if something sounds cool and awesome to us, it’s going to sound cool and awesome to her.
As a result, we end up insanely frustrated when something that plays out well in our head doesn’t quite play out well when we’re face to face with her.
We just can’t understand what it is that we’re doing wrong or what it is we’re missing.
But from experience, I’ve learned that it’s pretty much never any of these things.
Instead it’s that:
- We don’t understand how women’s minds work.
- We don’t understand why women’s minds work that way.
- We don’t understand what causes women to behave in certain ways.
- We don’t understand what causes women to respond to us the way they do.
I made leaps and bounds in my progress with women and dating when I began learning to understand women better and learn how they really think, behave, respond, and why.
It took me from being a loser with them and accelerated me towards becoming more of a winner with them.
So how do you start understanding women better and prevent them from seeing you as a loser in this area?
I wrote an eBook called How to Quit Being a Loser With Women – and Become The Man Women Are Instantly Attracted To and I go into detail about women, their behavior, and why it’s important to learn.
By the time you get done reading it, you not only look at women different, but you understand them better.
They’ll no longer think you’re a loser because you don’t understand them.
I definitely recommend you get it and read it as soon as possible.
3. You’re Clueless to the Difference Between Her “Liking” You and Being Attracted to You
When you learn to understand women better, you’ll start noticing when they only “like” you and when they’re “attracted” to you.
Do you know the difference?
If you don’t, that’s more ammo placed in the hands of women to think of you as a loser or see you as one.
It’s a good reason to make a woman’s loser radar start pinging.
Here’s a quick intro – when she “likes” you, she thinks you’re a nice guy, likes talking to you, and doesn’t mind being around you. BUT this doesn’t mean she wants to have sex with you, date you, or have any sort of “relationship” with you other than being friends.
As long as you behave and don’t bump into the walls, she’ll be around to be your friend. But step out of line and you’ll scare her off like a cat.
Not really a place you want to be. It doesn’t make you a loser… but it also doesn’t make you a winner now does it?
When she is “attracted” to you, she doesn’t exactly have to like you. You can bump into the walls a little and she’s more likely to overlook it.
She can think you’re an asshole or jerk but there will still be something that makes her think about you and want you.
There will still be something that makes her think or fantasize of you sexually or even want you sexually.
There will be something like a magnet “pulling” her towards you and she won’t be able to find the power to stay away, even if she wants to!
When she only “likes” you, there is no powerful magnetic pull. You’re just there and you’re having no effect on her.
I hope so because I don’t know how to explain it in simpler terms than that.
Not knowing the difference will make her think you’re a loser. Not what you want.
4. You’re So Nice To Women It’s Disgusting
Need I say much on this?
This isn’t your first time hearing it.
Being too nice to women can make them see and think of you as a loser.
Most women won’t admit it to you, but THEY DON’T LIKE IT when you’re way too nice and you kiss their ass.
Simple as that.
Most of them are polite and they may string you along for a few days, but then they’ll get to the point where it weirds them out and they just can take it anymore.
So what they’ll do is politely stop texting you back, answering your calls, and hanging out with you until you get the point.
Is that the best approach?
Probably not – but you can’t change women to get them to stop doing this. You can only change yourself.
So if you don’t want them seeing you as a loser, stop being so damn nice kissing their ass!
Instead, just be cool and treat them how you would treat a guy friend.
If you were overly nice to a guy friend and you kissed their ass, they would think you’re weird and probably stop hanging out with you, right? Yet you know better than to do that.
So why do you do it with women? It’s essentially the same thing.
Now, let me be clear, don’t go punching women in the arm or stomach, playing practical jokes on them, and calling them bitch because it’s funny.
They aren’t dudes and most aren’t down with that stuff.
Just be a cool guy and don’t be overly nice so they won’t think you’re a loser.
5. You Do What You Think Works Vs. What Really Works
So I mentioned earlier that we try the things with women that we “think” work only to realize that what we’re doing rarely works at all.
Things like buying flowers to gain her approval, kissing her butt to make you like you, and constantly calling to let her know you’re interested are things that we “think” actually work.
But in reality, they don’t.
These things just make her see you as another loser that she has unfortunately run across.
Some of this stuff is “bad programming” that we have learned from movies, radio, magazines, or moms, and other places.
We grow up seeing this stuff and actually believe this is the way to go.
The truth is we have to undo all of this stuff, fill in that hole we dug in our mind to put all this “junk” in, and dig a new hole and fill it with stuff that actually works.
6. They Use You For Money
Giving women money, or even buying them gifts, just to get their approval and attention is a surefire way to say, “I’m a loser”.
I honestly don’t believe there is anything worse that you can do to screw up your chances with her and make her think for sure that you’re a loser.
You might as well tell her, “Yea, I have no respect for myself and I’m going to let you use me for money because I’m pathetic and you’re right, I am a loser.”
So what do you do if a woman asks you for money because she thinks you’ll give it to her?
It’s easy and the word you use has the same meaning in multiple languages – just say “No”.
Why is that so hard for so many of us to do?
I don’t want to ramble, but just to ram the point home, I want to ask you a question.
Do you really know what women think when they are able to extract money from you?
Do you REALLY know?
I’m going to tell you…
Here’s what they think, “Man, what a loser. That was easy. I just pretend that I like him, act sweet, nice, and interested, and he’ll give me whatever I want. What a dumbass. Now that I have a few dollars, me and the guy I’m ‘really’ attracted to can go out and have fun.”
I’m not making this stuff up!
It isn’t right but tons of women have told me this stuff and I’ve seen it happen more times that I’d like to remember.
Women will say, “I need some money. Let me call this guy, meet up with him for a few minutes, act like I’m into him, make up an excuse why I can’t spend more time with him, and he’ll give me whatever I want because he really likes me a lot.”
If you’re THAT GUY that she’s talking about, she doesn’t like you at all. She just knows you’re a TOOL and she can use you all she wants to.
She doesn’t think you’re a loser… SHE KNOWS you’re a loser.
That’s the ugly truth.
So please, for all of us, stop being this guy.