Maturity is Everything if You Want to Attract Women Who WANT to Stay in Your Life
Not only does maturity make it a lot easier to attract more and above average women, but it also makes them WANT to stick by your side through thick and thin. If you’re mentally weak and immature yet, somehow, lucky enough to land a high-quality woman, I promise you there’s a good chance she’s only hanging on by a thread. She always has one foot out the door and is constantly questioning her relationship with you until you push her over the edge and she’s gone without hesitation. When you have a more evolved, well-rounded, and more mature mindset, you see the world through a more mature lens, and you have a more mature outlook on life and situations you’ll find yourself in with her, she’ll do whatever she has to do to weather the storm and make the relationship work. That’s how big of a difference strength and maturity makes! She knows, without a doubt, that weak and immature men are becoming more and more common and stronger and more mature men are becoming harder to find.
A stronger and more mature mindset removes the questions from her mind. It removes the insecurities and the doubt. She’s more relaxed and more comfortable being in a relationship with you and more likely to feel she’s in the right place and making the right life decisions.
If you have the same mindset you had 5 and even, 10 years ago, it’s easy to guess that your life is full of problems and women who don’t stick around.
The ones who do stick around probably don’t make you very happy and you don’t make them as happy. I wrote this article to help you change that. To help you grow up a little. To help you outgrow the friends, family, and associates that are poisoning your mind with their immature and mediocre habits, beliefs, and mindsets and that are keeping you from becoming better. Yes, I said “poisoning your mind” because that’s what hanging around weak and immature people does. Their thinking and beliefs permeate your brain and before you know it, you’re thinking, behaving, and saying the same things they do, having the same problems they have, and getting the same results they’re getting. You have to get away from them if you want all areas of your life, including your dating life, to get better.
Look at the guys around you and on social media who complain, “Women don’t notice me and they only like douchbags and bad boys wah wah wah!” Not true at all. I know tons of guys who aren’t jerks, assholes, douchbags or meatheads and they have no problems with women because their mindset is different and they STAND OUT. They aren’t weak, fragile, immature, and thinking and behaving like they’re still in high school. Weaker and immature men don’t stand out, don’t catch women’s attention, and aren’t getting the same results with women.
It’s Impossible to Remain Mentally and Emotionally Weak and Immature and Get the Life, Friendships, and Relationships You Actually Want
The world’s most successful men are not only getting better results with women, meaning their dating life is completely effortless if they want it to be, but they’re getting much better results in their personal and professional lives. Pay attention to men like Jeff Bezos, Carlos Slim, the late Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Larry Ellison, Grant Cardone, Michael Jordan, Lebron James, Tom Brady, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Dan Bilzerian, and so many more. Read up on them. Watch interviews on YouTube. Listen to how they speak, the words they use, and the look on their face. Watch their temperament. Look at their eyes when they talk to people. They ALL have an edge. They’re dominant. They’re in charge. They take more action than everyone else around them and they do whatever is necessary to create the life they want. They’re not taking shit from anyone and they’re definitely not getting bullied or pushed around. They’re not complaining about what isn’t fair and not wasting time caring what other people think. The success didn’t make them who they are – who they are is what made them successful! The strength and maturity came FIRST and everything else that the world envies them for followed.
It’s impossible to remain a mentally and emotionally weak and immature guy and still keep high-quality women around.
If you want an above-average life with high-quality women who actually want to be in it, there’s no such thing as skipping the work. You can’t skip the work it takes to become the type of man and develop the personality traits that women naturally want. You can’t just jump straight from immaturity and weakness to the success with women part. You have to invest your own personal time and energy for a few months and, maybe, even a few years, like I did, and just hammer away at everything holding you back in your dating, personal, and even financial life. You have to hammer away at your weaknesses and insecurities, the part of your mind that is still childish and believes the world is unfair, and the immaturity that’s causing women to run away and avoid you. You have to spend time pulling out all of that bad, ineffective, and useless programming, throw it away, and replace it with the wise, useful, and effective thoughts and beliefs that make you mentally and emotionally tougher and more mature.
Physically Being a Man Doesn’t Mean You’re Mentally and Emotionally Grown Up
All of the physical signs of being a man doesn’t, by far, make you a mentally strong and mature man. Puberty only affects the body, not the brain.
If you want your mind and emotions to grow up, that’s a process you have to put YOURSELF through.
It’s not automatic and not something your mom, grandma, dad, or, even, the military can do. They can educate you and show you the ropes but, ultimately, it’s up to you to decide when you’re ready to grow up and knock off all of the dumb and immature shit.
Unfortunately, for most of us, it usually takes REAL problematic situations to wake us up and force us to grow up. I don’t mean minor problematic situations like having to Uber because your dad took the car away or using the laptop to get on social media because your phone is broken or off because you didn’t pay the phone bill. I mean REAL PROBLEMATIC SITUATIONS like losing your job, being dead broke, and on the verge of being homeless (or you are homeless). That painful situation WAKES YOU UP and FORCES you to evaluate which thoughts and decisions put you there and how your mindset has to change in order for you to avoid ever being there again.
The more weak, immature, and naive you are, the more terrible shit you’re going to experience as a result.
The more terrible shit you experience, the more you figure out how to grow up and become more mature in hopes of avoiding those situations again. But, you only become more mature if you’re smart enough to learn from your mistakes. If you’re a stubborn and hardheaded know-it-all and you don’t force yourself to grow up and become more mature as quickly as possible, life will not stop shitting on you until you get the point.
So, to help you avoid getting shitted on by life AND WOMEN more than you already have, here are 10 things you need to get squared away as fast as possible. These 10 things make your dating and personal life harder than they have to be and if you can get them corrected, you’ll notice massive differences in how women see you and feel about you. This article is one of the most important things you’ll ever read so make sure you bookmark it and share it. Thanks.
1. Refusing to Accept Responsibility for Your Life and Your Problems
Refusing responsibility for your own problems, situations, and life not only makes keeping women around extremely difficult but it also leads to a lot of arguments and dysfunction in any relationship you’ll find yourself in. You can’t have the mindset that everything going wrong in your life is always someone else’s fault or it’s because of a certain circumstance. You gotta stop being too weak and scared to look inwards and find out where you’re being sloppy, lazy, and complacent and how all of that negligence has led to where you’re currently at. Accept the blame and admit when you’re not on top of your shit and doing the things you’re supposed to be doing.
This mindset is the first thing that has to go when you’re trying to become more mature and attract higher-quality women. When things happen, which they ALWAYS WILL because it’s a part of life, you can’t start looking to blame other people or things. Be strong enough to accept responsibility and deal with whatever happens because of it.
Here are a few things that need to quit happening IMMEDIATELY if you want women to quit thinking you’re immature:
The maturity that attracts women is taking responsibility for EVERYTHING in your life and not making it anyone else’s problem. Accept responsibility for where you’re at RIGHT NOW, stop complaining about it, and take consistent action to make it better.
YOUR LIFE IS YOUR FAULT and you have just as many opportunities as everyone else around you to get your act together and become a better person.
Come on. Let’s put away the emotions, knock of the complaining and blaming, and start being responsible for the results you’re getting in your life. That’s the only way you’re going to attract and date the women you really want and have the dating life you want.
The mature man that women want to be with accepts total responsibility for his mindset, decisions, and behavior and NEVER makes it someone else’s problem.
2. Mismanaging Conflict, Friction, Stress, and Problems
Bitching, whining, and complaining about everything that doesn’t seem fair or isn’t going your way isn’t what women are looking for. They’re not deeply attracted to the guy smacking his lips, throwing his hands in the air, and complaining about how something isn’t the way it “should” be. Look, life never has been and never will be fair and perfect. Sometimes people who don’t deserve to win are going to win and people who “should” win will get the shitty end of the stick. It’s just the way life goes. Complaining and whining about it is a complete waste of time because it doesn’t change it.
The guy that women actually want to be with is rolls with whatever happens and never makes it a bigger deal than it has to be.
Everything doesn’t need to be perfect in your life for you to feel good and be in a good mood. If you allow every little imperfection in your life to put you in a negative mindset and mood, then you’re just going to keep meeting women who think you’re a weak, whiny, and wimpy man. Find a way to work with what you have going on and if you’re not happy with your situation, as I always say, TAKE ACTION TO CHANGE IT. There’s positive in every situation and instead of focusing on what’s wrong in your life, focus on what’s right. Instead of focusing on the darkness, focus on the little bit of light you do see. 99.9% of the time, it can always be worse and your life isn’t as bad as it could be.
Adjust your mindset! Not only is it more mature and less annoying, but it’s more effective and eliminates a lot of unnecessary stress from your mind and life.
All the stress and negativity from not handling your situations and circumstances correctly POISONS AND DAMAGES YOUR RELATIONSHIP with her. It minimizes your chances of success. Negativity is toxic and, if you’re smart, you’ll keep your problems and frustrations to yourself. Jocko Willink, retired SEAL Team Three Task Unit Bruiser Commander, says, “Oftentimes, expressing your emotions to the world doesn’t improve your situation or position AT ALL! Most of the time, expressing your emotions to the world sets you back.”
Stop allowing yourself to be victimized by people, situations, and circumstances and instead of thinking and saying, “This thing happened TO ME”, change it to “This thing happened” and just leave it at that. Take yourself and your ego completely out of the equation. Everything doesn’t always have to be about you and how it makes you feel. Being a man is having the maturity to take yourself OUT of the equation and just see it for what it is instead of feeling like the situation is against YOU.
Instead of being mature about it, this guy is freaking out because his dad asked him to get a job and lay off the video games:
This guy’s mom cancels his World of Warcraft account and he handles this problem by getting really weird, making dinosaur noises, and going completely insane:
Instead of remaining calm and accepting responsibility for whatever happened, this cries like a baby ON CAMERA because his girlfriend left him:
Only immature men are weak and self-centered enough to respond to situations in this manner. If ANY woman EVER sees you behaving this way, regardless of how long you and her have been in a relationship, she will immediately begin to question what she’s doing with you. Freaking out, complaining, and feeling like a victim NEVER changes the situation and it only clouds your judgement and prevents you from thinking clearly. Mature men who attract women easily completely understand this and always find the most effective way to deal with any situation they find themselves in.
3. Too Concerned with Impressing Others
Women hate show offs and guys who are overly concerned with impressing them.
Putting a serious effort into looking good and impressing others only makes you look weak and immature and doesn’t do ANYTHING you think it’ll do. If you really want women to like you and think you’re awesome, be overly concerned with impressing yourself. Outside opinions don’t do ANYTHING but mess with your head.
How you think you look vs. how you actually look:
If you spend your time working to impress yourself by seeing how much you can accomplish, what you can build, what you can improve, whose life you can contribute to and make better, etc., in the end, you’ll realize that you don’t care about impressing others and you’ll actually be pretty disappointed that most of society isn’t doing what you’re doing.
I spent the first twenty-five years of my life overly concerned with impressing people I didn’t know and who didn’t give two shits about me and my life didn’t change for the better until I STOPPED DOING IT! I’m shaking my head right now thinking about it because I cared way too much about what everyone thought and I didn’t realize how completely obvious it was to everyone. I drove around in the shiny car with the windows down and rap music blasting thinking that people would say, “Wow, look at how cool that guy is!”. I went to the gym, got shredded, wore the wife beaters, and posted the selfies so people would see how muscular I thought I was. I walked around with my chest out and head cocked back so people would think I was a tough guy. I pulled out the wad of cash in front of people at the store, mostly 20’s and 1’s, so they’d think I was rich. I made loud comments in public with my friends and brought attention to myself so people would think I was a high status guy. I spent more money than necessary at the bar buying women and all of their friends drinks so they’d give me attention. It was pathetic! I had this over-inflated ego and sense of who I thought I was and that limited mindset of wanting to impress people HELD ME BACK FOR YEARS! I only attracted low-quality women with the same low-quality mindset and instead of adding value to my life and supporting me, they only brought me down and made my life chaotic.
When you have the mindset of, “I want to impress” whether it be “him”, “her” or “them”, you’re approaching the situation with the completely weak and ineffective scarcity mindset and it doesn’t attract women. You’re basically telling them, “I have low self-esteem and I want you, someone who’s not responsible for how I feel, to make me feel good about myself by being impressed.” You hear how dumb that sounds?
Seriously think about it, what are you getting out of impressing people? An ego boost? How is that small ego boost making you a better person or improving your life? How is it improving your skills with women? Is it putting money in your bank account? Are more women blowing up your phone? Are you getting laid more? Are you getting better job opportunities? Is it actually making a REAL difference in your life? Probably not. That tiny ego boost you get from people being impressed does NOTHING to improve you or your situation and you’re just wasting time.
Something I learned the hard way is if you approach all people and situations with the abundance mindset, you get better results. The abundance mindset is there’s plenty to go around and there’s no chance of running out. So instead of thinking, “I need to make these people like me and think I’m cool so I can make more friends”, you’re thinking, “I don’t have to go out of my way to impress anyone. I like who I am and if someone doesn’t like me then we probably don’t have a lot in common and it would be a waste of my time hanging out with them anyways. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me so I’m not going to waste my time trying to get their attention and prove something to them.” The abundance mindset not only takes all of the stress out of social situations, but it multiplies the amount of friends you make and cuts the time in half. That’s the reason you’re trying to impress people in the first place isn’t it?
PEOPLE LIKE YOU A LOT BETTER when you aren’t trying to impress them and you aren’t concerned with what they think about you.
If you haven’t seen it for yourself, try it. I challenge you to spend one month putting the idea of what people think about you out of your mind. Keep your mouth shut about your money, your job, your car, your talents, what you own, your Master’s degree, or anything else you think is cool and that you’re proud of and SEE FOR YOURSELF how much differently people treat you. You’ll notice that people like you more, they respond to you better, and they’re a lot more genuine with you and open to a friendship and relationship.
4. Overlooking Reputation and Image
To be clear, there is a big difference between the desire to impress women and others and the desire to keep a solid reputation for yourself that you’re proud of. They’re two different things and it’s important to know how they differ.
Although the image you hold in your mind of yourself IS important and it’s just as easy to screw up, the image of yourself I’m talking about here is equally, if not more, important. Smart and mature men understand that image and reputation is an important life tool that they cannot afford to get wrong. Look at the athletes, musicians, movie stars, politicians, and CEO’s that forgot image and reputation is important and look where they are now – broke, forgotten, in jail, and can’t catch a break. Their reputation is FOREVER ruined and most of them will never bounce back from it. That’s why people admire and look up to Tom Brady, Ellen DeGeneres, Will Smith, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Keanu Reeves, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Tom Hanks, Adam Sandler, Oprah, Meryl Streep, Ed Sheeran, Lebron James, George Clooney, Michael Jordan, Ryan Gosling, David Beckham, Jay Leno, etc. A BIG PART of their wildly successful lives and having the life, friends, and family they want is taking their valuable reputation and image seriously. They’re not concerned with what people think about them BUT they ABSOLUTELY care about the impact their reputation has on their life, career, and opportunities. Find a picture or a video of any of these people with two middle fingers in the air and saying things like “I don’t give a fuck. Fuck everybody!” and engaging in other trashy and sloppy behaviors. It’s not going to happen. The secret is they closely guard their reputation. They know when to avoid talking and answering questions or hanging out with people that can make them look bad. They don’t risk the wrong people getting the wrong idea about them. They think, “What possible repercussions can this thing I’m about to say or do have on my life, well-being, and opportunities.” and they don’t risk sabotaging their image and career.
If you want women to desperately want to be with you, start paying this much attention to your reputation and image. You should only be concerned with building a reputation and image that’s positive, adds value to your life, gets you to where you want to go, and connects you with the people that can actually add value to your life. When you’re connected to the right people and you have all the opportunities in the world, WOMEN FLOCK TO BE WITH YOU! They’re not gold diggers. They just know a wise man when they see one!
A GOOD REPUTATION EQUALS MONEY, FRIENDS, WOMEN, CONNECTIONS, AND OPPORTUNITIES and you’re a moron if you think you can build a poor reputation AND still get the life you actually want.
If you simply don’t care about building a good reputation and the impression you’re making, it will continually mess with every part of your life and you will always have serious, yet avoidable, “problems”. Pay attention to how your actions affect your life and the impression others have of you. “I don’t care what people think” IS NOT an excuse to act ignorant and foolish. If you have “haters” and you notice people avoid you, it’s very likely because your behavior and people are embarrassed to be around you.
When you do something good, 10 people hear about it. When you do something stupid, 100 people hear about it. Not good for business, your reputation, your life, or your dating life.
5. Seeking Validation and Approval
You can be manly and fight bears, wear flannel, grow a beard, chop wood, drink whiskey for breakfast, and act as tough as you want BUT if you don’t have the “kiss ass” feature inside your brain turned completely off when you’re around women, then you’re ruining your chances of women feeling respect and attraction for you. You can’t act like the most masculine dude ever but still turn into a weak, giddy, and approval-seeking man the second a pretty girl appears. That just makes you really fake and weird.
Maturity is GIVING YOURSELF VALIDATION AND APPROVAL. Why do you need it from women you don’t know? Why do you need it from people who don’t give a shit who you are or what you’re about? Women don’t sleep with you because they approve of you. They sleep of you because they’re attracted to you. Apples and oranges. How many women have you met that approve of you but they won’t let you party ANYWHERE NEAR the “Y”? How many women have you met that seem like they don’t approve of you, and yet, they keep sleeping with you over and over?
Approval IS NOT attraction. Get that silly idea out of your head and knock off the childish, “please like me” mentality. It’s weak and repulsive.
Who do you think women want to sleep with more? The guy who asks, “So, what do you think about me? Am I what you’re looking for?” or the guy who nonchalantly says, “I don’t care if you approve of me or not. I’m just looking to hang out, relax, and have fun.” The first guy is pressuring her, putting her on the spot, making things weird, and trying to get something from her. The second guy is like, “Whatever, dude. I don’t care. I’m confident and comfortable in my own skin and I’m not trying to take anything from you.” Who do you think she feels more comfortable around?
I’m dead serious, lose the “Do you approve of me?” mindset. Stop making yourself look so weak and pathetic. Here’s the truth about what happens when you’re in approval seeking mode and wanting her to like you – you take her to an expensive dinner and spend more money than you wanted to. Then, to the movies or some other cheesy and predictable place for a date. And finally, you walk her to her car to see if you can kiss her good night, and possibly get laid, but you come up empty. She politely gives you a “crotch out” hug (where she pokes her ass out away from you so her crotch gets nowhere near yours), lies and tells you she had a “good time”, and drives off. The date is completely dead and OVER and all you got was a hug in return for all of the money you spent. Here’s where it gets worse for you – she’s not going home, she’s texting her “jerk” ex-boyfriend to see what he’s “doing”. You know why? She’s tipsy from the alcohol you spent all your money on and now she wants to get her turkey stuffed. Because of your approval seeking, SOME OTHER GUY IS GETTING LAID ON YOUR DIME! Believe it or not, she was even “open” to the idea of sleeping WITH YOU if you made her feel enough attraction, but you didn’t. Don’t listen to the “women don’t sleep around” and “no first date sex” nonsense. It’s not true. I know this because I used to have women come spend the night at my house all the time after they left their date, sleep with me, and tell me everything that was wrong with the guy!
6. Wannabe Tough Guy
The wannabe tough guy thing makes makes you look like a joke and women and ACTUAL TOUGH GUYS laugh because they can see how fake and ridiculous it looks. They automatically think you’re a mentally weak and immature guy hiding behind his crippling fear of being uncomfortable, getting hurt, or looking weak. Nobody respects or looks up to that.
When you’re an ACTUAL TOUGH GUY, like Jon “Bones” Jones, and you don’t need to worry about someone messing with you or doing something stupid, you’re mature about it and you keep your ego in check. The need to prove how tough you are doesn’t exist. It’s just “whatever”. It is what it is and you’re not spending your time and energy focusing on it. Here’s one of Jon Jones’ interviews – see for yourself. When you’re an ACTUAL TOUGH GUY, you’re comfortable being uncomfortable – meaning you’re comfortable being in uncomfortable situations. Rolling around on the ground with someone, having punches and kicks thrown at your face, or someone trying to choke you is not as big of a deal for you as it would be for the average guy. You’re relaxed and able to let your guard down because you’re 100% sure of your ability to handle anything that goes sideways and if you’re not 100% sure, you’re 100% sure you won’t be frozen in fear. You don’t have the need to puff your chest out and hold your elbows out looking like a paranoid chicken. You don’t feel the need to stare people down and intimidate them or wear t-shirts describing how tough you are, how many guns you own, and why people shouldn’t mess with your daughter. The “I’m tough and I want you to notice” mindset just doesn’t exist when you’re an actual tough and dangerous man. All the bullshit just goes away and you’re not egotistical about what you’re capable of. If you don’t get what I’m talking about, read this paragraph over and over again until you do.
Focusing on shaping other people’s perception of you, like wanting to look tough, is a form of approval seeking. It’s a waste of time and creating a false image of being tough, dangerous, and edgy does NOTHING for you except attract trouble and weird women out. Normal women don’t want to date you if you’re always focused on intimidating people and proving you’re somehow better than them. They want you to cut the crap and chill out.
The wanna be tough guy thing also includes going to the gym and lifting more weight than you can handle. You’re not getting anything out of it. Women aren’t watching you and thinking about how hard they want to ride you. They’re only thinking you look dumb. If you have to twist your body to bring the weight up when curling a dumbbell, you’re embarrassing yourself. If you have to lift your ass up off the bench and yell when hammering out reps on chest and you don’t have a spotter, you’re embarrassing yourself. It’s too much. Stop struggling, grunting, and bringing negative attention to yourself.
I’m not making this stuff up! Check out this video and look how ridiculous some of these people look trying to prove how “strong” they are and how dangerous it actually is:
When you’re a mature and mentally tough guy who attracts high-quality women, you don’t need to intimidate people to boost your ego, prove you’re an “alpha” male, or prove how tough and strong you are. Only immature men waste their time on that nonsense. If you’re actually scared of being uncomfortable, getting beat up, or looking weak, do the mature thing and handle it the right way. Put yourself in that situation, get comfortable with it, and learn what it’s all about. Join boxing, Jiu Jitsu, or some other self-defense class and get experience. (I did the work for you. Just click those links and google will bring up those places near you.) Get comfortable being uncomfortable. The more experience you actually get and the better you get at it, the more the wannabe tough guy act goes away and never comes back.
7. Lacking Standards and Self-Respect
Standards and self-respect go hand in hand so I’m combining them. Really think about this next question – how do you realistically expect women to respect you if you’re too immature to respect yourself and other people? How can you realistically get upset and whine, bitch, complain and throw a temper tantrum when women disrespect you, lie to you, use you, and trample you if they never saw you make an effort or invest time and energy into respecting yourself, your time, and your life? You can’t! It’s hypocritical to expect others to be fair when you’re not fair to yourself. It’s ignorant to expect respect from others when you don’t respect yourself.
Women only give you what they see you giving to yourself. They see how you want to be treated based on how they see you treating yourself and others. The way you talk to yourself is how they’ll talk to you. The way you behave is how they’ll behave.
I know this for a fact because I’ve dated plenty of women whose family told me, to my complete surprise, that they’ve never seen their daughter, sister, niece, or whoever acting so “grown up” and polite. That they’ve noticed a DEFINITE change in them. Here’s the thing – I didn’t ask or force these women to behave differently! They did it on their own because I made my standards and self-respect very clear. They saw how I treated myself and others and that I’m NEVER a disrespectful jackass to anyone. Since they wanted to be part of my life, they adjusted their words and behavior to match what they believed I expected out of them. On that note, if you have your standards and self-respect in tact and she doesn’t seem to care about your expectations, get her out of your life ASAP. It’ll save you tons of trouble. There is NOTHING WRONG with expecting women to behave in a decent and respectful manner towards you, your family, your associates, or ANYONE. It’s NOT OK for women be disrespectful and act below your standards just because they’re giving you that tuna taco. NOTHING is more important than your self-respect and standards.
If you want women to actually respect you, YOU HAVE TO FIRST GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO RESPECT.
Hands down, simple as that. For women to know what your standards are and live up to them, vocalize what you want and don’t want and demonstrate it on a daily basis. SHOW HER what you expect by how you treat her. Monkey see, monkey do. You can’t expect her to respect your home and clean up after herself if you’re a trashy slob who leaves trash everywhere. You can’t expect her to respect your family if she sees you act disrespectful to them. You can’t expect her to treat you fairly if you call her a dumb bitch, insult her, and abuse her.
If you want women to automatically respect you and live up to your standards:
Don’t mistake being “respectful” with being “nice”. As I’m sure you know, women HATE overly nice guys because they’re wimpy and fake but they never get tired of polite and respectful men. “Nice” and “respectful” are 2 COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. Don’t mix them up.
8. Easily Offended and Victimized
WARNING: If this article hasn’t offended you yet, then this part might. If it does, please don’t leave a comment. It won’t get approved and you won’t get the attention you’re looking for. Thanks.
This is no bullshit – YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THE DATING LIFE OR PERSONAL LIFE THAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT if you’re easily offended and too immature to properly handle anything that bothers you. There is NOTHING more weak, pathetic, narcissistic, and egotistical than a grown ass man who is easily “triggered” and complains and seeks attention over things he doesn’t like. Yes, I said narcissistic and egotistical because it takes a lot of arrogance, self-centeredness, and EGO to take something that has nothing to do with you or wasn’t designed to hurt you and make it all about yourself to get attention and approval and appear intellectually superior. If it hasn’t happened already, you’re on your way, and in the fast lane, to women calling you a “pussy” and a “little bitch”. I know it sounds completely overboard but it’s completely necessary to tell you what people REALLY think about you and say behind your back when you’re the type of guy who gets easily offended and takes things too personally.
We’re all born with this incredible mental tool and ability and it’s called, “GET THE FUCK OVER IT”. This tool is incredibly useful because when you actually use it, keep your mouth shut, and get over the trivial things that bother you, and you realize it’s not all about you and your opinion. You’ll grow up, become more mature, and learn from it. Suddenly, you’ll begin to understand why a white couple in Kentucky dressing their toddler up like a Native American IS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL and why it’s completely ridiculous to get bent out of shape over it. You’ll start to realize how petty it is and how you’re wasting time and energy focusing on something that has nothing to do with you instead of spending your time, focus, and energy on improving yourself.
If you want to be offended and get bent out of shape, be offended by REAL WORLD ISSUES like your city, state, and country not putting more time, money, and effort into rehabbing homeless people into society. Be offended that your country is spending time, money, and energy exploring space while at the same time eliminating bills and laws that protect domestic violence victims and help them get the justice they actually deserve against those who strangle them, beat them, and psychologically abuse and torture them. Bitching and complaining makes you feel good? Bitch about REAL ISSUES that need to be fixed and be part of the collective effort to fix them.
When you decide to work on your mental and emotional maturity, you’ll find it easier to ACCEPT WORDS, FEEDBACK, AND CRITICISM and if something has nothing to do with you, you’ll keep your opinion to yourself.
9. Too Good or Too Weak for Feedback and Criticism
3 reasons people don’t handle feedback and criticism well:
1. They’re too weak to handle it
2. They take it too personally and make themselves the victim
3. They think they’re smarter than everyone and they know better
In order to grow in your life and become the type of man that women will do anything to be with and stay with, it’s important to improve your feedback and criticism processing skills. Stop being offended because someone isn’t kissing your ass and telling you you’re perfect the way your mom does. If you’re too weak and immature to handle feedback and criticism and you ball up and cover your ears or roll your eyes the minute someone starts talking, you’ll remain dumb and soft for the rest of your life. No sugar coating here, let’s just roll with it. You’re doing fine. It’s OK to get upset about feedback and being criticized but it’s immature to make your disappointment and anger someone else’s problem. It’s OK to take it personally but it’s immature to become the victim. Instead taking it personally and thinking, “Why are people so mean to me? This world’s unfair!”, shift your mindset to, “OK. I may not like what that person said to me and about me BUT they wouldn’t have done it unless they had a good reason. So, I’m going to give it some serious thought and consideration.” It takes an extreme amount of maturity to put your own ego aside and really look at why it’s happening and why.
Look, most people who criticize you or give you feedback ARE TRYING TO HELP YOU. When you criticize yourself, you’re trying to become better, aren’t you? Stop taking criticism personally and open your eyes! No one’s attacking you or trying to hurt you. And EVEN IF someone is attacking because they’re fed up with something you’re doing, they wouldn’t do it unless they had a damn good point! Think really hard about that. There’s something to be gained from it.
Not knowing the difference between someone trying to help you and hurt you is one of the dumbest mistakes you’ll ever make in your life.
Oh, you don’t like the way they’re talking to you because it hurts your feelings? You’ll have to get over that. Learn how to separate the message from the attitude. Nobody is perfect and sometimes people, especially myself, get very passionate and unintentionally put more stank on the message than they intend to.
Think about someone who could’ve made your life 100 times better but you didn’t listen because they had an “attitude” or you didn’t like them as a person. Think about the repercussions that has probably had on your life. It takes a colossal amount of ego and ignorance not to hear someone out just because of how you “feel” and the negative repercussions your feelings and emotions have on your life is even worse!
Another thing that’s equally ignorant and ineffective is thinking you’re too “good” for feedback and criticism. What a detrimental mistake to make in your life because you’re above listening to someone else’s observations and opinion other than your own. YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER CHANGE AND GET BETTER IF YOU DON’T PUT YOUR SELF-SERVING EGO AWAY, quit being scared to look at your weaknesses, and actually listen to what others are trying to say.
Even though I write books and teach what I’ve learned, I’m not above learning anything. I try to read every single book that I can, regardless of my initial opinion of the cover, author, or whatever. Even if the book is 99% garbage, I’m still going to get SOMETHING out of it. Even if it’s just one sentence, I will have gained a new piece of information that I can put towards improving my life.
10. Lacking Self-Discipline and Self-Control
It doesn’t matter WHAT you tell yourself, women, and others about yourself and your life, when women spend enough time with you, the truth about your habits, discipline, and self-control eventually outshines the bullshit and you will look like a hero or a zero. You DO NOT want to be a year into a relationship, madly in love, ready to get married, and she figures out that you’re actually a selfish, immature, and lazy person whose mom pays his bills and his life isn’t what he said it was. Now, she has a glimpse into what her future looks like with you and she wants a man who’s disciplined and self-controlled enough to, one, be honest, and two, consistently contribute to and provide for the family she wants.
HERE’S A SECRET WOMEN WON’T TELL YOU: Having your shit together is extremely attractive. The more self-discipline and self-control you have and the better your life is because of it, the easier it is to keep women around for as long as you want because THEY’RE COMPARING OTHER MEN TO YOU. (If you’ve ever dated an insanely hot woman who’s smart, sexy, and damn near perfect, that “jackpot” feeling you get with her is the same feeling women get with you.) When they’re with you, THEY KNOW, FOR A FACT, that if they screw up and you release them back into the wild with all the other immature and undisciplined men who don’t have their life and behavior together the way you do, THEY’RE GOING TO BE MISERABLE AND HAVE A VERY HARD TIME MEETING A GUY OF YOUR CALIBER. And because of this, they will do what they have to do to stay with you.
Self-discipline and self-control are THE ONLY THINGS determining the quality and condition of your life. It’s not “The Man” holding you back because of your skin color or race. Self-discipline and self-control overcome ALL people and situations that are against you so you can’t realistically use that as an excuse for all of your shortcomings. What’s REALLY holding you back is your attitude and behavior, the decisions you’re making, and the people you’re choosing to be around, and the mindset YOU’RE CHOOSING to have – all self-discipline and self-control issues.
Women aren’t looking for the guy who avoids work and only wants to have fun. They aren’t dreaming of being with the soft and flabby guy who doesn’t exercise, eat healthy, or take care of himself. They aren’t looking for the guy who lets other people take care of him and clean up after him because he’s too selfish and immature to do it himself. If you want to attract women easily, and high-quality women at that, they have to see that you have a higher maturity level and have your act together more than the average guy.
I’m not going to lie to you, maintaining a high level of self-discipline and self-control is 10 times harder than it looks and it’s 10 times as painful as you imagine it’ll be. But, the upside is that your dating, personal, and financial life will be 10 to 100 times better. Just try it for a few months and see what happens to your life.
Bonus (and Conclusion… I guess): Mentally and Emotionally Strong Men Get What They Want Because They Go After It
A man who takes no action to move his life in the direction he wants it to go is no man at all. Stop dreaming, wishing, and hoping your life will improve. Stop imagining doing what you really want to do BUT NEVER TAKING ACTION! Stop saying, “That sure would be nice” but failing to take action in the right direction. This isn’t “The Secret”. You’re not going to have money show up in the mailbox because you put your wishes into the universe. You can’t just pray to meet that stunningly beautiful and perfect woman without backing it up with a real plan and some real action. NOTHING happens in your life without taking constant action and doing the work required to make it happen. Simple as that.
If you want a dating life that doesn’t suck as much as it does now, learn what women are actually attracted to and take the right actions to adjust your mindset, habits, and behavior to match. At the same time, TAKE ACTION and proactively talk to women. Get over your fears and insecurities and what women may think about you. It won’t matter 5 years from now so it shouldn’t matter today. Get experience, fail, embarrass yourself, and put yourself out there to look stupid and get hurt. You can read books and articles like this all you want but you’ll never truly understand and “get it” until you actually do it and see the way it works for yourself.
Mentally and emotionally strong men get what they want, whether it’s a job, career, car, house, woman, etc., because nothing exists in their mind that says they can’t have it. If they want it bad enough, they make it happen and nothing and no one gets in their way.
Let’s get your life moving in the right direction so you can solve your women and dating problems and you don’t have to browse the internet for dating advice anymore. Let’s get your personal and financial problems handled so you can stop stressing about it. GOOGLE EVERYTHING! Read books, watch interviews, and listen to what the most experienced people in the world are saying about what you’re trying to do. Accept their advice, feedback, and criticism. Figure out what needs to happen to do what you’ve been promising yourself you’re going to do, create a plan, execute, execute, execute, and don’t stop until your goals are accomplished and you’re finally getting what you want.
Stop letting your sensitive feelings change your mind about what you want and how you’re going to get it. It’s time to grow up, become more mature, and be responsible enough to get your life on the level where you can take care of yourself, your wife, your kids, AND YOUR PARENTS instead of them taking care of you. That’s what a real and mature man does. He works harder than everyone else to get as much as possible so he can give back, IMPROVE THE LIVES OF OTHERS, and take care of the people he loves without asking for anything in return.
Thanks for reading,
– Marc Summers