What to Do When She Stops Calling and Texting – 15 Things

what to do when she's not calling or texting back


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When She Stops Texting and Calling, It’s Easy to Freak Out

sad shes not calling or texting back

Women have quit calling and texting me more times that I’d like to admit and in hindsight, it’s always what I should have done vs. what I actually did.

When she’s not calling and texting back and you’re confused and in your emotions, the part of you saying “don’t do that”, “stop”, “slow down”, and “take it easy” is always right. It’s important to listen to that voice telling you you’re doing too much.

So to avoid doing too much and putting yourself in an, even worse, position, here are 15 things that minimize the damage and maximize the chances of her calling and texting you back.


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1. Understand It Happens to ALL Men

No matter who you are, what you look like, how much money you have, how much women like you, etc, a woman will eventually, when you least expect it, disappear and quit calling and texting you back.

No need to act like a victim and single yourself out. It happens to ALL men and, if it hasn’t yet, the law of numbers says it eventually will.

2. Understand It Doesn’t Matter WHY She Stopped Texting and Calling

In 21 Reasons She Stopped Texting and Calling, you learn 21 of the most common reasons women quit texting and calling so you can get some “closure” about the situation. But the truth is, WHY she stopped calling and texting doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t change ANYTHING.

Knowing WHY she isn’t calling and texting doesn’t give you more control or make her reappear.

The first thing we do when we haven’t heard from her is we freak out and work on figuring out WHY she’s not returning our calls and texts.

Instead, the better mindset is, “It doesn’t matter why she’s not calling and texting. I need to figure out what I should and shouldn’t do in this situation so I can begin to fix it instead of making it worse.”

Most guys put tons of emotion into the situation but it’s better to take a time out and plan an effective course of action rather than crying about it.

3. Avoid Giving Away Inner-Power

don't give away inner-power

In any situation, the calmer you remain, the better it’ll work out.

Attracting women is about keeping your inner-power and not giving it away to anyone because it magnifies and multiplies any kind of attraction she’s feeling.

If she’s not calling and texting back and you freak out and call and text her way too much, you’re giving away the inner-power YOU NEED to maintain and rebuild the attraction.

Think about the inner-power you feel when she normally calls, texts, and communicates with you – you’re calm, confident, and feeling on top of the world. You feel great!

Think about how you feel when she stops contacting you – you feel weak, lame, and powerless.

You’re allowing her and the situation to drain your inner-power. You’re GIVING IT AWAY because you’re not controlling yourself and emotions. Once the power is gone, you’re, literally, powerless. You gave away what you needed to rebuild the attraction and fix the situation.

The more you remain calm, the more clear-minded you will be.

4. Calm Down, Stop Freaking Out and Don’t Make Any Decisions

freaking out she's not calling or texting

When there’s a definite change in how much she talks to you, you, naturally, become emotional and think, “Something’s terribly wrong and I need to do something about it right now!”

Bad idea.

Although easier said than done, what you need to do is calm down and be cool because, again, it’s critical to remain calm.

Those who get the best results in any situation understand how important it is to remain totally calm and collect during times of high-stress.

The last thing you want to do is make decisions or take action when you’re flooded with emotions. It leads to failure and YOU WILL regret it 100% OF THE TIME.

No matter how much “sense” it makes, if you’re flooded with emotions, it won’t go the way you think you’ll put yourself in an, even worse, position than you are now.

Relax and DON’T DO ANYTHING until the emotions are gone and you’re thinking clearly.



5. Avoid Jumping to Conclusions

You should never make decisions or take action when you’re emotional because you’re more out of touch with the reality. You only want to come to conclusions when your mind is clear and you’ve had time to process ALL of the information.

Don’t try to “figure it out”.

Don’t try to “solve” the problem.

Just leave it alone and give it time.

6. Have the “Whatever” Mindset

relax dont worry about her calling texting

Something else much easier said than done is being “whatever” about her not calling and texting.

You need to think, “Whatever… There’s nothing I can do about it right now. I just have to be cool and wait until I hear something back.”

Men who are the most successful with women are the ones who are calm and “whatever” about everything.

Nothing gets to them or under their skin and they’re able to wait ANYTHING out.

Yes, it’s very hard to detach from your emotions during these stressful times, but it’s possible and very necessary to do. Self-control and emotional-control is critical when you don’t know what’s going on or when she’s going to text or call back. The more you think about when she’s going to call or text back, the more you will drive yourself crazy and suffer.

7. Understand You Can’t Control What She Does

It’s wise to understand and accept that she’s going to do what she’s going to do and there’s NOTHING you can do about it.

You can’t control her through your thoughts and emotions. You can’t control her by calling and texting her over and over.

It’s hard to accept but once you do, it’ll free your mind and help you relax.

You’ll don’t results by “hoping” and “wishing” she acted the way YOU want her to.

Give up wanting control over her actions and reactions and let the chips fall where they may.

8. Don’t Blame Yourself

It’s usually not entirely your fault when she stops calling and texting. But, even if it is, it doesn’t matter.

You made a mistake… LEARN FROM IT AND MOVE ON. Blaming yourself and feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t change the situation and it’s THAT big of a deal.

Lose the “What did I do wrong?” thoughts.

Instead, develop the mindset of, “I don’t know what happened but I’m not going to waste time and energy trying to figure it out. I’ll just wait until she gets back to me.”

If it is your fault but she’s being immature and about it, then rise above the situation and realize you don’t want to be wish someone like that anyways.

9. Be Patient

be patient wait for her to call text back

Get good at the waiting game and be cool about it. Women get into emotional funks and sometimes they “need some time” to process their thoughts and emotions.

How long will she take to text back? A day? A week? Never? It doesn’t matter. Put those thoughts out of your mind. It’s like watching the hands move on a clock – it makes time go slower.

Patience can really make the difference between her sticking around and running away. Even if you’re impatient, don’t show it. Be cool about it.



10. Stay Busy

It’s easier to be patient when you’re occupied with goals, tasks, and activities. Doing noting while waiting for her to call and text back is the last thing you want to do.

Find things that soak up your time and, before you know it, a week has gone by and she’s starting to reach out to you again.

11. Stop Being Paranoid

Avoid obsessing over what you did wrong because it’s very easy to take something small, blow it up, and make it worse than what it is.

Again, just be “whatever” about the situation and wait it out.

12. Avoid Calling and Texting Over and Over

don't blow her phone up if she doesn't call back

If you overdo it with the calls and texts, she’s less likely to get back to you.

MOST GUYS are freaking out when she’s not calling and texting back and they call and text over and over thinking it’ll help the situation – but it only makes it worse and kills the rest of the attraction.

But when she doesn’t hear back from you either because you’re playing it cool, it catches her attention and makes her wonder, “I wonder what happened to him? I haven’t heard from at all. I’m going to text him.”

When she reaches out and you’re totally cool about it, it begins to rebuild the attraction and the connection you once had.

13. Lose the Victim Mindset

victimized by her not calling or texting back

YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM when she doesn’t text or call back.

She’s free to do as she wants. There’s no written rule that says she’s obligated to return your texts and calls.

The thing that freaks most women out is when you play the victim and start making them feel guilty for not calling and texting back. She’s not committing a crime and victimizing you by not responding to your texts and calls.

Shitty things happen but it doesn’t make you a victim and it doesn’t make her a bad person for not calling and texting back.

14. Keep Your Standards High

have standards she doesn't call or text back

If she’s ghosting you and lacking the decency to call or text you back, even to let you know she doesn’t want to talk to you, then choose not to waste anymore of your time on her. That level of being inconsiderate should be below your standards and completely unacceptable.

Develop the ability to cut it off right then and there and move forward with no regrets.

15. Respect Yourself

When you allow her to make you lose control of your emotions and act like a victim, you’re not respecting yourself.

Self-respect always comes first and if you waste time on women who don’t care about or respect you, then you’re lacking in self-respect.

Only pay attention to those who respect you and your time.



Conclusion

When she doesn’t text or call back, it’s best to keep your head on straight, not jump to conclusions, and not make any sudden moves.

Be patient, play it cool, and wait it out.

After enough time passes, if it seems she forgot about you, then it’s important to have the mental strength to to move on. Hanging onto the hope of being with someone who clearly doesn’t want you is a waste of your time and you’re not being fair to yourself.

Thanks for reading and I wish you the best of luck,

– Marc Summers


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I'm Marc Summers. My job is to lead you in the direction and help you learn exactly what works so you can become the man women actually want.

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26 comments on “What to Do When She Stops Calling and Texting – 15 Things
  1. Man Fred says:

    Hello.

    Just had to say thank you for this article. It actually helps quite a bit to know it’s not just you.

    I sort of had been “dating” (if we really want to call it that) this gorgeous single mom for almost a year. Last July-August, it was texting 24/7 and flirting. Our first date was insanely passionate. No sex, but we really almost went there. In public. In the bushes! (We later did hook up at the end of August. Five times. In one night!)

    September was kind of “eh.” October – nothing from her. NOTHING. And this is how it went until recently: we’d talk normally for a month, then she’d ghost me.

    This past week was finally my breaking point: she was supposed to call during Memorial Day to hang out, and never contacted me at all. I told her I was mad, she apologized (and it SEEMED sincere), and two days later, she was MIA on not 1, not 2 but 3 different occasions. IN A ROW.

    This article definitely touches on things I’ve felt over the course of the year: freaking out about her inconsiderate nature, blaming myself for where it went wrong, etc. And the whole “easier said than done” add-on is very true, because as much as I’ve tried to adopt the WHATEVER attitude, that’s really not me, by nature. But I’m trying.

    And I think I’m finally going to delete her number this week 🙁

     
    • Marc Summers says:

      You’re welcome. When she wants to be in your life, she will make it obvious. When it appears she doesn’t care, you shouldn’t care either.

       
  2. Ryan Roberts says:

    Me and the girl I’ve been dating have had a bit of an interesting history, and we’ve wanted to be together for about 2 years, but could never get the timing right I guess. Anyways, we finally started dating and things were going amazing. Int he two month together we started moving pretty fast. Already said “I love you” and getting pretty serious. Then one day she just stopped texting me with seemingly no reason. It caught me pretty off guard so I freaked out a bit the first 2 days then I left a message on her phone saying I’ll give her space and she should come to me whenever shes ready. My question is how long should I wait before I just throw in the towel?

     
    • Marc Summers says:

      I don’t recommend “waiting” for anyone who is being weird. Just live your life, forget about her, and IF she wants to be in your life, she will show it. Your time is valuable. Don’t give away your self-respect.

       
  3. Ry says:

    This is one of the greatest threads I’ve ever read! I love reading, I love knowledge,and I love seeking advice of how to become one of the greatest most valuable men a future partner of mine could ever have! My ambition is to be one of the greatest men to walk the earth. Well, maybe not the greatest, but that won’t stop me from trying. Anyways, you made a difference in the world and continue to do so Marc. Keep it up, thank you. And as always, stay classy!

     
  4. Joseph says:

    So basically I saw this girl for like a month . One day she found out her daughter had autism . So she tells me she needs a couple days to get her ducks in a row . I give her a couple days and ask her about a movie we had plans for . She said she’s sorry for being so distant this week . We end up going to the movie and hug , kiss and hold hands . Only thing is she still doesn’t initiate text with me and we don’t sleep together anymore . Went super cold .

     
    • Marc Summers says:

      Think about how hard it would hit you if YOU found out your daughter had autism. It affects the rest of your life. All of a sudden, dating IS NOT a high priority for you. Learning how to take care of and provide a comfortable life for your daughter for the rest of her life takes immediate precedence. So, please, avoid thinking negatively about someone in her situation. She has A LOT MORE on her mind and is dealing with more than you can imagine. Want to win her over? Be understanding, patient, and supportive.

       
  5. Jose Hoyo says:

    Thank You. I was making all the mistakes for one week. This article has brought me to the realization that it’s not going to change a thing to continue to reach out to no avail. My attitude now is very clear, move on with my life, don ‘t look, and be cool as a cat if she calls. A new perspective on how I manage to be so nice, giving, nurturing, generous, and wearing my heart on my sleeve.

     
    • Peter says:

      I’m in the same boat, stopped snapping me and replying to my Instagram messages a few days after we caught up and she was saying she goes crazy around me. Could be a test or anything really but like Marc says you can’t do anything about it

       
      • Marc Summers says:

        Yup. It sucks but whatever her reason, the best thing to do is the be calm, cool, and patient.

         
  6. Archie says:

    Thank you for writing this. It’s encouraging because I have for the most part been following this list. The situation I’m in is this: she used to be crazy about me and contact me nearly every day. But the last several weeks she has stopped, and it’s only been me initiating. Just when I was starting to give up on her, she texted me apologizing for being so unavailable, saying her life has been crazy and she’s been missing me. Since messaging me this, though, she still has not reached out to me. I’ve been trying to trust what she’s telling me and give her space and be patient with her. However, I have been texting her every 3-4 days just to show her I’m still thinking about her. Does this sound like an okay plan?

     
  7. Mia says:

    That will multoply the feeling that you dont care about her enough.

     
  8. Harry Perera says:

    Hi, firstly your website is awesome. What if the women are SOCIAL CIRCLE and you’re flirty (say they weren’t single when you met them, but are now). On top of this conundrum you do have logistical distance so seeing them is usually an arranged thing/involves travel. I’d appreciate your take on this situation?

    Girl 1 = always super bubbly and polite in person and text (met up 4 times alone). I think the last exchange was like wishing her happy chinese new year. I texted her, she replied and continued the conversation. I can see on WhatsApp my reply to her (which asked her how she was back, something like is she up to trouble as always) is still unread and it’s two months later. I feel a bit loathe to texting again as if it condones such behaviour.

    Girl 2 = a mutual friend who I’ve met up and had a day together. She sends super long texts. Was her birthday, I texted her. She replied and continued the conversation excitedly. I replied. She replied again and continued, long long reply, and asked me how I was, hope to grab coffee soon and mentioned some holiday. I sent what I thought was a pretty decent (flirty but polite) reply saying yes coffee and adventure, said how i was, and told her she should check out something on holiday and do send some snaps, i’m sure it’ll be great. Just blue ticked. Again two months later, no initiation on her part. This is a girl who calls me exciting too.

    The GROUP text = group chat which I’m on (or was added to) which includes me and 4 girls. Girl 2 (having not initiated contact privately) texted a general how is everyone and who is free to meet up. I noted that Girl 1 (my message is still unread) replied and said yes. I felt it is impersonal and am in “wait mode”?

    Basically I’m wondering what you think about each situation with each girl and what to do when a woman group texts instead of private messages? I have met up with Girl 1 several times alone, but scared to text her given the situation. Girl 2, met up once alone since she was single. Distance doesn’t make this easier. I was going to wait till she texts me privately about the meet up on WhatsApp and have left the group thing unread so far??

     
  9. Ross says:

    So we are just meant to ignore them back, wait until they message and then run to them like a puppy dog….don’t think so! Have some self respect and move on, rather than play childish mind games!

     
    • Marc Summers says:

      Read the article again. You’re basing your moves and decisions or lack of moves and decisions on her moves or lack of moves. The same as chess, poker, etc. You’re reading her to know what is wise to do next.

       
  10. Ted says:

    My problem is we met we kissed she is 21 and I’m 47 but she thinks I’m 28 when i lied my age first two days lots of text now she dont even reply i have no idea why but im not texting but im crazy about her

     
    • Marc Summers says:

      Hey Ted, that’s a pretty big thing to lie about. If she assumed you were 28 and you didn’t say anything, that’s her fault for assuming. But if you TOLD her you were 28, that’s a huge hurdle to overcome because she thinks you’re a liar. In the future, just say your age.

       
  11. Joe says:

    Number 2: “Knowing WHY she isn’t calling and texting doesn’t give you more control or make her reappear.”

    I disagree..If she’s not texting me because say she’s texting someone else instead or just plain ignoring me, then I have the option to say “bye then” and not bother with her anymore.

     
    • Joshua says:

      If she is inconsiderate and bother not to say the reason knowing the reason is worthless. To even say a bye! from you will cost your self respect.

       
  12. Adam says:

    Loved the article! I’m kind of in a similar situation, however the girl was clearly into me. The problem is, she was having mixed feelings because she just broke up from a serious relationship that was about to turn into marriage. She is very traumatized by it in a way as she was cheated on several times. So I’m not sure how much of this applies. I’ve done the waiting, when I text I keep it humorous. However after a couple of texts she goes back to not answering or taking a day to do so.

    Let me know your thoughts, as I really care about this girl.

    Thanks

     
    • Marc Summers says:

      Yea that’s a serious one. She’s going through a lot right now and she doesn’t need some dude blowing her phone up. You also don’t want to be that “vulture guy” who swoops down when a girl breaks up with her bf. Just be cool about it, don’t be pushy, and don’t make her feel like she doesn’t have space.

       
  13. antoinette says:

    I first must say that I appreciate your acknowledgment of respecting a woman’s choice to give herself space. Thank you.

    Now let me challenge you.

    Why do you think it is so wrong to show concern?

    There is a huge difference between concern and obsession.

    Considering that we’re addressing mutual circumstances, the woman has a very thoroughly thought-out reason for barring communication with you.

    Allowing her space is fine, but if you genuinely want to know why she wasn’t or is not talking to you, just ask. If the reason does not matter to you but it still bothered you, express that…there is nothing sexier than a man who is emotionally aware and articulate.

    Pretending you don’t care is damaging to your relationship with any person and it is harmful to yourself to not address and tend to your emotional responses and needs.

    Please get rid of the stigma that emotions are detrimental. They are natural- and when approached maturely, they can play a very positive role in your life and relationships.

    Now, if this is not a mutual situation and you know that, then yeah, just leave her alone. But I promise you if a (mature) woman is asking you if you care about something, it’s because she’s trying to figure out if you care as much as she does.

    Sincerely,

    A woman.

     
    • Marc Summers says:

      Hi Antoinette. Think about how many guys blow up women’s phones when they stop hearing from them. 80% of guys freak out and call too much or text too much. When she stops calling and texting and you don’t respond to it, it’s a pattern interrupt and pattern interrupts catch women’s attention more than doing what all the other guys do. 9 times out of 10, she’s 100% aware and sure of what she’s doing and showing concern and getting emotional only annoys her and kills the attraction even more. Our ability to focus is at an all time low, thanks to the internet, and that includes women’s ability to focus on one guy and vice versa. If a mature woman stops calling and texting a guy she supposedly likes and then wants to know how he feels about it, she’s just playing games, seeking approval, and being immature. A mature woman will give the guy a heads up that she doesn’t want to talk to him anymore. Immature women just completely ghost the guy without an explanation and that’s why reaching out and telling her how you feel about it is a complete waste of time.

       
  14. John Jones says:

    This is absolutely the best I have ever read on this topic. Wish I read before but glad I did now as I’m in the situation. My question, when she finally does and you like them do you tell how much it bothered you?

     
    • Marc Summers says:

      Hell no. Don’t say a word about it. No matter how hard it was, pretend it wasn’t a big deal. If she asks if it bothered you, which would be very weird and narcissistic, you still say, “Nah. I was just being patient. Figured you had some stuff going on. I don’t like to freak out and bother people when they don’t get back to me.” This will multiply the attraction she feels and DEFINITELY separate you from other men because most men wouldn’t give such a nonchalant answer.

       

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