what to do when she doesn't call or text back

What to Do When She Stops Calling and Texting – 15 Things

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Being in a situation where she’s not calling and texting back totally sucks and I know exactly how you’re feeling about it because I’ve been there and dealt with it. If you need me to personally call you and help you through it, book some time RIGHT NOW on my personal coaching and mentoring page and we’ll work together to help you figure it out. Once I’m more aware of the exact details of your situation and what possibly could have went wrong, I can even help you construct some text messages to send to her so she’ll begin to respond to you again. If it requires you calling her and talking to her, I can tell you exactly what to say and not to say. Give it a shot. Book some time right now.

When She Stops Texting and Calling, It’s Easy to Freak Out

Here’s the truth about my experience with dating and relationships – women have quit calling and texting me more times that I’d like to admit and in hindsight, it’s always what I should have done vs. what I actually did. When you’re in the middle of her not calling or texting back and you haven’t heard a peep from her or she’s being really sketchy, an idea or strategy may sound good but after it’s all said and done, it’s easy to see why it probably wasn’t a good idea and how that thing hurt your chances with her and affected what she thought of you.

When she’s not calling and texting back and you’re confused and in your emotions, the part of you saying “don’t do that”, “stop”, “slow down”, and “take it easy” is always right. LISTEN TO THAT VOICE! Listen to that voice telling you you’re doing too much or you’re about to make yourself look and sound stupid. That voice is trying to save you, dude! Even if you don’t know what to do instead, just listen to it and pay attention to what it’s trying to tell you.

Since I’ve been in this situation a bunch of times, I want to share with you 15 things that I now do and EXACTLY how to avoid doing too much and putting yourself in an, even worse, position than you are now. These 15 things minimize the damage you may cause and maximize the chances that she’ll call or text you back.

1. Understand It Happens to ALL Men

It doesn’t matter who you are, what you look like, how much money you have, how much women like you, etc., eventually, and when you least expect it, some woman you’re interested in and getting to know will quit calling and texting you back, disappear, and get sketchy. Not only will she be acting sketchy but the whole friendship and relationship will get sketchy! Not a problem. If you expect sketchy or, at least, know it’s a real possibility, you’re less likely to freak out about it.

Like I said, at one point or another, every man will experience women blowing them off, ghosting them, and not calling and texting back. Whatever you call it, it happens to the best of us. There’s no need to act like a victim, think you have it worse than other guys, or single yourself out. It happens to ALL men and if it hasn’t happened to you yet, it’s going to so don’t get too cocky and arrogant about it.

2. Understand IT DOESN’T MATTER WHY She Stopped Calling and Texting

When women aren’t calling or texting back, the first thing most guys do is freak out and obsess over WHY she’s not calling or texting back. Instead of wasting your time and energy and getting all emotional seeking an answer that doesn’t make a difference, the correct mindset to have is, “It doesn’t matter why she’s not calling and texting back. I need to figure out WHAT TO DO AND NOT DO in this situation so I can begin to fix it instead of making it worse. So I can take steps in the RIGHT DIRECTION instead of the wrong one.”

Most guys waste so much time and energy and put tons of emotion into crying about the situation but the smart thing to do, something most guys DON’T do, is to stop, take a time out, give themselves a break, and figure out an effective course of action that will lead to the results they’re looking for.

In the article I wrote before this one called 21 Reasons She Stopped Texting and Calling, I explain the most common reasons women quit calling and texting so you can get some “closure” about the situation and a better idea as to why it’s happening. But, here’s the most important part about all of that, It doesn’t really matter WHY she stopped calling and texting. It doesn’t change ANYTHING. All that matters is knowing WHAT TO DO about her not calling and texting back and the proper attitude and approach to have towards it. Most of the time, if you know why, it’s just going to piss you off about it even more! Sometimes not knowing is definitely better.

Knowing WHY she isn’t calling and texting back doesn’t matter because it doesn’t give you more control of the situation or make her reappear. Forget about “why”!

3. Don’t Give Away Personal Power

Here’s something you need to remember for the rest of your life – in any situation, the calmer you remain, the better it works out.

A MAJOR ingredient in attracting women and keeping them attracted is not giving your personal power away through freaking out, getting emotional, and crying about things you don’t control. When she’s feeling any kind of attraction and getting a major brain boner for you, keeping your personal power for yourself magnifies and multiplies those intense feelings. When you start getting emotional and acting mentally and emotionally weak because you don’t understand why she’s not calling and texting back, then you’re throwing your personal power in the garbage. If she actually sees or hears you acting this way, which you better make sure NEVER happens, then you’re killing the attraction and there’s NOTHING she can do about it.

When she’s not calling and texting back and you freak out and call and text way too much, you’re inadvertently giving away your personal power. The personal power YOU NEED to continue building up any attraction she’s still feeling for you and to rebuild any attraction you’ve lost through mistakes.

Think of the personal power you feel when she calls, texts, and communicates with you on a regular basis – you’re calm, confident, and feeling great! Now, think about how you feel when she stops calling and texting – you feel weak, lame, and powerless. YOU’RE ALLOWING the situation, and her, to drain you of your personal power. She’s not taking it – you’re GIVING IT AWAY because you’re not controlling yourself and emotions! Once the power is gone, you’re, literally, powerless. You gave away what you needed to rebuild the attraction and fix the situation, dummy!

The more you remain calm and do your best to relax, the more clear-minded you’ll be and the less likely you’ll be to give away your personal power.


4. Calm Down, Stop Freaking Out, and Don’t Make Any Snap Decisions

When you notice a definite change in the way she’s talking to you, treating you, and acting towards and around you, it’s totally natural to become emotional and think, “Something’s really wrong here and I need to do something about it RIGHT NOW!” Bad idea. That’s a snap decision and it always makes things worse. It’s a decision made without taking the time to sit back, take a deep breath, look at the situation from a bird’s-eye view, and try to understand what’s happening in her mind. What could have led to her act this way. It’s a decision made without retracing your steps and figuring what, if anything, you possibly did to cause her sudden change in behavior.

Although it’s almost always easier said than done, the ONLY THING you need to do in this moment is take a deep breath and be cool. Again, it’s critical to remain calm when things are looking sketchy and it’s equally as critical not to communicate that you’re freaking out and losing your mind. Don’t show it and, definitely, don’t open your yapper and tell her. If she sees you freaking out, it can make her think YOU’RE sketchy and unstable.

Those who get the best results in any situation understand how important it is to remain totally calm and collect during times of high-stress.

The last thing you want to do is make decisions or take action when you’re full of emotion. Emotions aren’t good decision makers. They lead you to failure and whatever decisions you make when you’re full of emotions YOU WILL REGRET THEM 100% of the time. No matter how much “sense” it makes to you at the time, if you’re too emotional and have too much chaos happening in your mind, it won’t go the way you think it’ll go and you’ll put yourself in an, even worse, position than you are now.

When the emotions are present, RELAX AND DON’T DO ANYTHING until the emotions have died down and you’re thinking more clearly and logically.

5. Avoid Jumping to Conclusions

It’s NEVER smart to make decisions or take any kind of action when you’re emotional simply because you’re less logical, less grounded, and more out of touch with reality. You only want to come to conclusions when your mind is clear and you’ve had time to correctly and accurately analyze and process ALL of the information surrounding the situation. If you haven’t given yourself enough time to chill out and analyze and process all of the information but you’re still assuming and making snap decisions, then you’re jumping to conclusions and, most of the time, the conclusions you jump to are way off target.

Don’t try to become a detective and “figure it out” by messaging and questioning her friends. Don’t try to “solve” the problem by stalking her and snooping through her stuff. Just leave it alone, give it time, and, eventually, the information you were looking for will come out.

6. Be “Whatever” About It

Something else much easier said than done is being “whatever” about her not calling and texting. Your mindset needs to be, “Whatever… there’s nothing I can do about it right now. I just have to be cool and wait until I hear something back.” and the reason this mindset works so well is because it helps you to calm down and relax instead of pulling your hair out and driving yourself crazy.

The “whatever” mindset doesn’t work if you’re all bent out of shape and emotional about her not calling and texting but you’re telling yourself, “Whatever man! I don’t care. I don’t give a shit! It’s whatever, man!” What I’ve noticed about people and human behavior is those who walk around with their middle fingers up in the air and talking about how they don’t “give a fuck” are the ones who care the most. The ones who truly don’t care and have the “whatever” mindset are the ones who don’t feel the need to announce it in any kind of way. They’re just doing it.

The “whatever” mindset only works when you’re actually focused on other people and things and giving your energy to them. You can’t be “whatever” if you’re crying into your pillow about it at night. You can’t be whatever if you’re constantly talking about and then saying, “I don’t care anyways.” The “whatever” mindset is when you put it completely out of your mind and you tell yourself that you’ll come back to it when new details or events unfold. Until then, it’s “whatever” because you have a lot of important stuff going on in your life and to focus on instead.

The men who are the most successful with women are the ones who are calm, cool, relaxed, and “whatever” about everything.

The men who get the best results with women don’t let anything get under their skin and they’re able to wait ANYTHING out. They always have multiple things in the oven, meaning they have more happening in their life than just the woman who isn’t calling and texting back, and they aren’t going to focus all of their time and energy on how unfortunate the situation is. They’re just “whatever” about it because they realize it happens to all men, there’s not much they can do about it, and life is too short to become unhappy about one person acting sketchy.

Yes, it can be extremely difficult to detach your mind and emotions from this person during these stressful times, but IT’S POSSIBLE AND EXTREMELY NECESSARY to do. Self-control and emotional-control are critical when you aren’t sure of what’s going on or when she’s going to text or call back. The more you think about when she’s going to call or text back, the more you will drive yourself crazy and cause yourself to suffer.

Instead of choosing to suffer, simply make up your mind that you’re going to be “whatever” about it because you have more things to focus on in your life than just the one woman who’s ghosting you. If you don’t have more going on in your life and this event trumps everything, then you need to get to work on making things happen for yourself. This book that I wrote will help you get there. It’s called Declare War on Yourself. Get it right now and read it.


7. Understand You Can’t Control What She Does

She’s going to do what she’s going to do and THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. It’s wise, mature, and admirable to understand and accept this. It’s ignorant and moronic to think it shouldn’t be this way. If you’re saying, “She should…” and “It’s not fair!” or “I can’t believe someone would do this!” then you’re lost and you clearly don’t have enough experience interacting with women and other people. It’s clear you need to snap out of it and learn the way the world really works and how people really behave or you’re going to continue getting shitted on for the rest of your life.

You can’t control women through your thoughts and emotions, telling them how their behavior makes you feel and why it’s wrong, or by calling and texting over and over until they cave in and give you what you want.

YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOURSELF and how you allow these situations to affect you. The only way to have more control over dating and relationship situations and women’s behavior is by controlling your own behaviors and habits and knowing which behaviors and habits get the best results. The more favorable your behaviors and habits are to women, the more they’re going to act and respond the way you want them to. The better you conduct yourself, the better your dating and relationship situations are going to be.

You don’t get results by “hoping” and “wishing” she acted the way YOU want her to. You get results by controlling and engineering your own behavior.

Give up your desire to control her actions and reactions. Let the chips fall where they may and work with what you got. Again, the more control you have over your own behavior and habits, the more the chips will fall where you want them to but they will NEVER fall exactly where you want.

8. Don’t Blame Yourself

It’s usually not all your fault when she stops calling and texting. But, even if it is, it doesn’t matter. Who cares? Be “whatever” about it. You made a mistake. LEARN FROM IT AND MOVE ON. Blaming yourself and feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t change the situation and it’s not THAT big of a deal.

The “I’m such a screw up” mindset is weak and it doesn’t help you attract women.

The mindset that attracts women is when you screw up and you nonchalantly say, “OK, I made a mistake. Big deal. I understand what I did wrong and it won’t happen again. Let’s move on from it.” Nonchalant means you’re “whatever” about it. It’s not a big deal to you and you’re not going to get bent out of shape about it.

When you make a big deal about something, regardless of how big it REALLY is, other people make will make a big deal out of it. When you’re just like, “OK, it happened. Whatever. It was a mistake. Let’s move on.”, then others are more likely to think, “You know what? He’s right. It was just a mistake. What am I freaking out for?” In other words, most of the time, people you’re dealing with will mirror your emotions regardless of the situation.

Lose the “What did I do wrong” and “I’m such a screw up” thoughts.

Develop the mindset of, “I’m not exactly sure what happened but I’m not going to waste time and energy trying to figure it out. I’ll just wait until she gets back to me or I’ll simply move on from it.”

If it actually IS your fault but she’s being dramatic, hysterical, and immature about it, then rise above the situation and realize you don’t want to be with someone like that anyways. Just because someone else is calling you a screw up doesn’t make it true.

9. Be Patient


Men who get the best results with women can wait for ANYTHING. If it takes her weeks, months, and even, a year to call back, it’s not a problem.

Get good at the waiting game and always do your best to be cool about it. Women get into emotional funks and sometimes they “need time” to process their thoughts and emotions. Does it mean it’s fair that you have to wait? No. Not at all. A lot of the time it isn’t fair and it’s completely rude and inconsiderate. But again, what are you going to do about it? Chastise her and make her feel guilty? You’ll only make things worse. If you actually believe she’s worth your time and energy, then all you can do is be patient while she’s doing whatever it is she’s doing.

Stop thinking about how long it’s going to take for her to call or text back. It doesn’t matter. Put those thoughts out of your mind. It’s like watching the hands move on a clock – it makes time go by slower.

Patience can really make the difference between her sticking around and running away. Even if you’re impatient, don’t show it. Be cool about it.

10. Stay Busy

Want a shortcut? Focus on other things and other people. Meet some other girls and talk to them. If that makes you feel guilty, then find some other things to do besides occupying your mind with someone who doesn’t value you enough to get back to you.

It’s easier to be patient when you’re occupied with goals, tasks, and activities. Doing nothing while waiting for her to call and text back is the last thing you want to do. Find things that soak up your time and, before you know it, a week has gone by and she’s starting to reach out to you again.

I’ve personally noticed that I’m happiest and in my “whatever” mindset the most when I’m very very busy. Not just busy doing meaningless tasks that don’t make a difference, but busy moving towards something bigger than me. Something that’s going to improve my life and the life of people around me. When you’re busy doing that and focused on things that give you a sense of pride and confidence, then you don’t care as much about waiting on her to get back to you. In fact, and I’ve had this happen before, you’re so busy that you completely forget she hasn’t gotten back to you! That’s not a bad thing. A busy man who’s working towards big and life-changing goals is the type of man that women don’t ignore. Don’t believe me? Do it and find out for yourself.

11. Stop Being Paranoid

When she’s not calling or texting back, it’s easy to take something small and insignificant that you did wrong, blow it up, and make it worse than what it is. It’s easy to think that one little thing is the reason she’s not getting back to you. When we can’t figure out why she’s not calling and texting back, we obsess over that one little tiny thing we did wrong. I know because I used to do it and 75% of my personal coaching clients say, “Well, there’s this one little thing that happened and I think that’s why she’s not getting back to me.” They obsess over that one little thing and convince themselves that she’s not getting back to them because of that one little incident.

Stop doing that. Here’s the way I see it – if you did one little thing wrong and she decides to stop calling and texting, that’s completely her problem and she’s doing you a major favor. Imagine if it didn’t happen early on and later in the relationship, when she’s actually your girlfriend, she wants to break up or she completely ignores you because of one little thing. It’s going to be a lot worse then. Or imagine if you’re MARRIED to her and she wants to get a divorce and take half of your shit because of one little thing. That’s going to be 10 times worse and bigger problem than it is now! If she doesn’t want to talk to you because of one little thing you think you did wrong, good riddance. You dodged a bullet, buddy, and saved yourself a lot of frustration. The type of woman you actually want in your life is a little more forgiving and flexible.

It’s completely fine if she’s picky about little things and it doesn’t make her a bad person, but let her pickiness and stubborness be another man’s problem and headache.

12. Avoid Calling and Texting Over and Over

If you overdo it with the calls and texts, she’s going to get annoyed and you’re ruining your chances of her getting back to you. It doesn’t matter how you’re feeling and how important you think your feelings are, there’s no justified reason to call and call and call or blow up her phone with text messages. If you’re thinking it’s going to help the situation, you’re wrong. It’s only making it worse and killing any attraction that remains.

Calling and texting too much doesn’t communicate to her how much you “care” about her. It only communicates how much patience and self-control you DO NOT have.

It communicates you’re needy, selfish, and controlling, you’re only thinking about yourself, and if she were to get into a relationship with you or marry you, how childish you would act if she didn’t get back to you. I know it sounds harsh but it’s the truth. Think about it – when you give her time to call and text back and you’re calm about it, it shows restraint and consideration for her. It tells her you’re not a maniac. But, when you blow up her phone to get her attention or to prove a point that you’re not going away, it shows her you’re selfish and not the type of guy who can handle stressful situations effectively.

When you’re not being a psycho weirdo and she doesn’t hear back from you either (because you’re playing it cool), it catches her attention and piques her curiosity. Her mind goes crazy. She wonders, “What happened to that dude? Is he still interested in me? I haven’t heard from him at all. I hope he hasn’t moved on. I’m going to text him.” When she reaches out and you’re totally cool about it, it begins to rebuild the attraction, if any was lost in the first place, and the connection you once had begins to regrow.

13. Lose the Victim Mindset

Let’s be completely clear: YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM because she’s not calling or texting back. The situation isn’t victimizing you in any kind of way. It’s all in your mind, dude. It’s time to man up and become more mature about it.

The reason most men feel victimized when she isn’t calling and texting back, and the same reason they blow up her phone like a crazy person, is because they’re not getting what they want and they’re throwing a temper tantrum like a child. People who even entertain the idea that they’re a victim or have the victim mentality are most likely those who have always gotten whatever they wanted from mommy and daddy or grandma and they can’t handle rejection and hearing the word “no”. Whenever they were told no, they threw a fit and made life chaotic for everyone around them until they got what they wanted. I’m sure you know someone like this and maybe it’s your sibling or, even, YOU. This is not OK.

You’re acting like a victim because you actually believe it’s “unfair” that she’s not getting back to you. You actually believe that you have some kind of moral supremacy or upper-hand on her and you’re a better person than she is. You tell people, “I would NEVER do that to a girl I was talking to because that’s just totally messed up!” I know how it works dude because I’ve been there. I’ve been down that rabbit hole of weak-mindedness and there’s nothing to be gained from it.


Here’s the truth about it – she’s a grown woman and she’s free to do as she pleases. There’s no written rule in the book of dating and courtship that says she’s obligated to return your texts and calls. That’s the hard pill you have to swallow. Once you begin to accept that there are no rules in this game of love, dating, and relationships and chaos can ensue whenever and however it wants to, then you will begin to see it differently and respond to it in a more mature manner. You won’t be bothered by it because it’s something you expect can happen at anytime.

It’s one thing to have the victim mindset about her ghosting you but it’s even worse to play the victim AND guilt trip and shame her for not calling and texting back. That’s just another level of being the kind of wimpy jerk that women do not like at all. Again, she’s not committing a crime and victimizing you in any way by not returning your calls and texts. There’s no need to become a vindictive tyrant about it. No matter how good life is, SHITTY THINGS HAPPEN TO EVERYONE and it doesn’t make you a victim. It doesn’t make her a bad person if she doesn’t feel like calling and texting back.

14. Keep Your Standards High


If she’s ghosting you and lacking the decency to call or text you back, even to let you know she doesn’t want to talk to you, then make the conscious decision not to waste anymore of your time on her. That level of inconsiderate should automatically be below your standards and completely unacceptable. Not because you’re some high and mighty “Golden God” like Dennis calls himself in the TV show “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” or you’re better than everyone, but because you have a set standard on what you will and will not accept from those around you. Because protecting your sanity is highly important to you.

When your standards are well-defined and you don’t deviate from them for any woman, regardless of how hot and sexy she is, it becomes easier to cut the friendship and relationship off and move forward with no regrets. You do it without thinking and it’s easier to say, “Ahhhh, I don’t like that shit. Knock that off or go do that around some other dude.”

Standards protect your self-esteem and your confidence. Anything below your standards takes away from your happiness and peace of mind and changes the way you feel about yourself. That’s why it’s BELOW or outside of your standards. Your standards are the invisible wall that keeps everything you don’t like and doesn’t make you feel good out of your life.

So when it’s obvious that she’s deliberately not calling and texting back and you don’t like the way it makes you feel, that’s a clear sign her behavior and the way she’s treating you is below your standards. That should automatically start the dialogue in your mind that says, “I’m better than this, I deserve better than this, and I’m not going to waste my time on any woman that makes me feel this way.”

15. Respect Yourself

When you tell yourself, “I’m better than this, I deserve better than this, and I’m not going to waste my time on any woman that makes me feel this way”, it’s a sign that you respect yourself, at least a little bit. You’re not being like the men who completely dump their self-respect and trade it in to get the attention, approval, and love of some woman they barely know.

Just like your self-esteem and personal happiness, your self-respect should always be more important to you than any woman or any relationship. If she’s behaving in a way that completely violates what you believe in and she keeps doing it regardless of how it makes you feel, that’s when you choose your self-respect and happiness over her. This may sound extreme and it’s possible you may disagree with this but how many people do you know or have you seen that are in unhappy and unfulfilling relationships that they can’t get out of because they ignored the bells and whistles going off in their head telling them that something was terribly wrong and it’s violating what they truly want? Don’t be that person. Respect yourself enough to stop investing too much time, energy, and emotion into someone who’s making it obvious that you aren’t as important to them as they are to you.

Self-respect draws that hard and clear line between “this is great” and “this is complete bullshit and a waste of my time”. A shortcut I’ve learned from experience is when something makes me feel like I’m wasting my time, I’m right 99% of the time and if I allow it to continue, I’m not being fair to myself. I’m disrespecting myself. In hindsight, it made perfect sense to get out of it the very minute I felt I was wasting my time.

Have self-respect. Don’t allow women to waste your time by ignoring you. There’s no need to announce, “Hey, you’re wasting my time. So long loser!” You don’t have to say anything. Just quit reacting to it. When a lot of women see that you don’t play those games and you’ll drop them faster than they can blink, it’ll be a wake up call and signal that you don’t waste your time on women who don’t respect you.

Self-respect always comes first. Only give your attention to those who respect you and your time.


When she’s not calling or texting back, the very best thing to do, and the thing that has worked for me dozens of times, is to keep your head on straight and remain balanced. Remain calm. Remain “whatever, I’m cool” about it. Don’t do anything too far on either end of the spectrum that gives away your personal power. Don’t get all depressed and throw a pity party and make her feel sorry for you and, at the same time, don’t get angry, act like a douchebag, and guilt trip her about it. Be cool. Be sane. Don’t jump to conclusions and turn into inspector gadget investigating everything she’s doing. Just leave it alone and don’t put yourself in an, even more, compromising position.

When enough time has passed, if it seems she has completely forgotten about you or moved on, don’t continue to lower your standards and place yourself further beneath her. She doesn’t deserve that power over you. Keep the power to yourself and use it to attract other and more considerate women. Have the mental fortitude to move on and forget about her. Dwelling and hanging onto the hope of being with someone who clearly doesn’t want you is the definition of suffering. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself well. Don’t waste your time, don’t be unfair to yourself, and don’t disrespect yourself.

I wish you the best of luck. If you need personal coaching to help you get through this situation, go to my personal coaching and mentoring page, book some time for us to chat, and I’ll be glad to help you get through it. Thanks for reading.

– Marc Summers

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100 Comments on “What to Do When She Stops Calling and Texting – 15 Things

  1. Hi Marc,

    Great article, I’ve know what to do but this girl has me all over the map and plays the puss card just enough to keep me hanging on. When we met everything rocked but her hot mess of a life started shining through. What kills me is I find myself chasing. She went to Portland over my b-day weekend and I have been very quiet on my end and feel amazingly at peace. Beer and golf over memorial weekend b-day is today!

  2. Hi guys, I read all this and just keep shaking my head. Why don’t you just ask a woman? Most things he recommends make the situation for a relationship/connection even worse. Would you like to make it easy for yourself and get over it fast? Then follow his recommendations. Would you like to find a solution for this connection? Talk. Talk to the lady of your interest or seek advice from a female friend or relative. We function and think different to you. All the best to you!

    • Excellent point here. Being a woman I would very much like the guy to ask WHY, what is the reason for not calling/texting. And, if you don’t want to solve the problem with the woman/girl just don’t bother with WHY.

  3. I have a girl, we have been together for 3 years serious dating, she’s still in school… We do quarrel and settle. These few months i suddenly noticed that i have been the one always calling and texting first which doesn’t happen all the time.
    I informed her about the lack of communication she just told me she ain’t got time for herself as she is into business and with exams the combo is overwhelming. I said fine but i notice that she snaps pictures and posts on IG or whatsapp. I told her that atleast she should make space for conversation but she only said sorry.
    Guys, she never gave any reason, i havnt called or text her for 4 days and she aint bothered. I need your advice guys,.

  4. you opened my mind, usually, I’m too strong and calm but when it comes to love, I am weak, a million thanks for taking the time to write such amazing survival tips for love game.

  5. Man, the article is just amazing as it can be especially, the last point is the most important one.

    I see so many dudes losing their minds and ending up what we call “Nice Guy Traits”. Where they degrade their self-esteem, degrade their value, and allowing the girl to use them as a doormat!

    And thinking that this will help them! Little do they know that this is worst thing they can do in front of a girl, Heck, it is the worst thing to do in front of anybody, it just sends a subliminal message to the other person that you are a typical Nice Guy and they can treat you as they want.

    They should know that life has much better things to offer than this bullsh#t.

    But anyway, again I appreciate the work you put behind this article, cheers?

    • Hey! I met this girl last year December before I was withdrawn from a military Academy. Her family loved me when the love was still fresh btw me and her. That love from her family faded away immediately a military officer came to drag that girlfriend from me. I must say that even after his appearance as a suitor, she didn’t like him but was all into me. Subsequently, I am beginning to see a lot of changes as she doesn’t even squeeze to call. Seems like her family is brainwashing her to marry an officer in the military, since they perceive me as a loser ;-).
      I tried to make her understand but seems she is beginning to lose interest, but when ever I get the opportunity to talk to her(Cuz they rendered me incommunicado), she tells me she loves me and after only 2 mins of call, her family deliberately creates distraction to end the calls.
      I’m just sick of this shit, wanna get an answer. SHOULD I QUIT THE FUCK OUT or continue to be patient until she calls and then, when I pick up, she tells me she loves me just to keep me tied to the knot and hang up the phone after 2 mins of call?

    • Dude, I needed this so bad. Sometimes we just need to “go back to basics.” Too many times in my life I’ve let the woman have power over me. Now that I’m closing in on 40, I needed this refresher to realize that it truly isn’t ALWAYS me. I put so much blame on myself all the time. I’m learning that I’m not perfect, but no one is. If a lady I care about ghosts me, it’s a her problem not a me problem

        • Really awesome advice right here. I met this girl on Tinder and we texted, called, FT’d a long time (6 weeks) because of the stay at home order. The one time we did meet up we hit it off really well and made out at the end of the date. Then, one day she just stops all communication. Like radio silence. And just the day prior she said she was looking forward to seeing me the next day. I haven’t reached out since the last text I sent on that day and have just decided to move on, but I am still really confused by what happened. The advice about it not mattering “why” really helped.

        • As a woman, this article is missing something essential. Often men chase the woman and give her so much attention in the beginning to win her over. She loves this and once they “have” her they stop trying. They stop complimenting her, they stop helping her out with things like they used to, they stop being the man she fell in love with. They also stop responding to texts it call very often and the woman realises this change in him. It’s not because he isn’t interested in her.. it’s because he think he has her now. He doesn’t have to try.

          Women get very hurt over this and may point it out a few times but the man usually says it’s just how he is or nothing has changed, yet something has drastically changed.

          Then she will get tired and will give him a taste of his own medicine. Not always to punish but why not?’ If he doesn’t why should I?’ and she then stops talking stops giving him attention. The worst thing to do in this case is being all ‘whatever’ about it because that will only confirm her thoughts: he is not into me anymore.

          So maybe look back and think ‘has she ever pointed out to me that I’ve changed my ways with her and how she misses it?’ if yes, then that’s probably the reason

          • Sara, thank you for your comment but I advise men not to take dating advice from women for a very good reason. Women ALWAYS tell men to do things that are “sweet”, “nice”, “thoughtful” and emotional and when they actually do it, they get shitted on and crushed. Most women are highly emotional and don’t understand psychology, behavior, and the relationship between the two as well as they think. They don’t understand what’s really going on in their own mind what ACTUALLY makes them feel attraction vs. what makes them think a guy is “nice”. I get what you’re saying but what you’re saying is what confuses men. Most men reading this article are doing so because they did EXACTLY what you’re saying and now they’re trying to fix the problems they created with well-intentioned, but ineffective and wrong, advice. When was the last time you had intense and passionate sex with a guy because he “complemented you”? If you have, please share that particular compliment so I can use it. It would save me A LOT of time, energy, and trouble! lol. When was the last time you felt deeply in love with a guy because he “helped you out”? I take it you’re not in your 20’s or 30’s and if you are, I’m positive you don’t get hounded by men desperate for your attention – because if you did, your mindset on this topic would be radically different.

  6. Dear Marc,

    Hey man! There is this girl and we met on new years eve. I got her number and we really hit it off! She told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship because she was super busy and didnt know when she was ready for another and I completely understood. I wasn’t pushy about it, but I treated her like a gentleman. I got her flowers and a late Christmas gift (a stuffed dog animal) because she was telling me how her parents didn’t get her one. Things were going great! We were basically dating but without the title. We kissed, cuddled, held hands, went on dates, and she would make time for me to come over and she would want to face time and call me (because I didn’t want to come off as needy and clingy). So, we ended up doing the deed and it was my first time and basically hers. I asked for consent twice and she agreed upon it both times. Everything was normal after for a couple of days, but then on Sunday, she texted me saying she didn’t want us to continue talking because she doesn’t know when she will be ready to date, she can’t see us long-term, and she doesn’t want me to keep waiting and get my feelings hurt. I was totally understanding and didn’t make it a big deal at all, but asked if she wanted to stay friends and she said no, she didn’t block me on any social media or my number and she still views my stories. I’ve been playing it cool and haven’t messaged her and just been giving her space, so I don’t know what to do. We both really liked each other, so I want to give her space and message her later

  7. Hi, so basically been seeing a girl for just over a month. Everything was good and we were planning to do something round mine again, when all of a sudden she disappears, I let things be for a couple of days and then asked if everything was okay as she said she had stuff going on. She replied she’d had “family shit” etc going on but deep down I could kinda get the vibe she was being off with me (who can’t text someone when they’re having family trouble but can still post on social media). I left things for a few more days and text her again, this time I asked how’d she’d been, she still seemed a bit off, when she asked how I was I said I was confused, I felt she was being distant, that I can’t deal with silence and that I just wanna know she’s okay. She still hasn’t replied and I doubt she will, I haven’t said anything more and after reading these steps I’m not going too.

    I keep looking back at what I said and I’m just curious to know if I may have given away my personal power in doing so?

    • I really love this article..It has actually help me understand why some woman act this way. I know I can ignore her but the only concern I have is that we have a baby together.

  8. Hi Marc,

    first of all: thank you for this uplifiting mass of advice. But I’m not exactly in the “I called/texted and she ignores me/doesn’t get back to me” type of situation but one where she always – literally since we met – says she’s too busy with family, personal stuff and hobbies. We only met 4 times, but if we finally saw each other after several weeks of just flirty texting, we cuddled all the time and she seeked extremely much physical contact, even pressing her cheek against mine. I know how stupid immature and unimportant that sounds, sorry. Just to show how close we (were).
    We didn’t kiss, but she texted me in a playful way that I should do “the next step”. Texting with her was always very clear, she was very attracted to me.

    So, after a canceled date (one of MANY btw, always because of her) I got angry since I felt like she’s constantly lying to me and making excuses and wrote a screen-length of text, but very calm and neutral about how I can’t understand how this is possible and that we should reduce contact then (she seems to do the same with her friends though, she meets them pretty rarely). She replied after 3 days that she agrees on reducing contact with me “until everything calms down and she has more time”, and she’d text me if she has time spontaneously (so I guess no more planning the dates. Great).

    We didn’t see each other for 6 weeks now (we live in the same city) and even though she told me she’d reach out and tell me about a specific thing that must have happened a week ago, she didn’t.

    I didn’t contact her since 8 days and nothing came back. I deleted her on all social media and chats, but didn’t block her.

    Marc, should I just drop her despite the (maybe lost) attraction or call her in like 3 weeks? What should I do? I don’t know whether she’s playing with me, still wanting me or seriously wanting me to go away.


    • Cheek against cheek isn’t close. That’s more of a sign she isn’t sure about you. Her tongue down your throat is close. 3 things I always teach:

      1. Stop hanging onto women’s words so tightly. It doesn’t matter if it’s in person, through voice, or through text. Actions speak LOUDER than ANYTHING ELSE. Really think about that. I believe what I SEE. I’m not calling women liars but a lot of people say one thing and do another. If you hang onto words, most of the time, you’ll wind up disappointed.
      2. Only make 50% of the effort. If she’s not making the other 50, then just stop until she comes around. If she doesn’t come around then don’t waste your time.
      3. If she’s ACTUALLY ATTRACTED, it doesn’t matter if you met her 10 minutes ago, her actions will show it. Again, actions trump words.

      Read this article: https://www.majorleaguedating.com/signs-shes-playing-games-not-serious/
      If you need some coaching: https://www.majorleaguedating.com/dating-relationship-coaching-for-men/

    • bro walk away. Grab your b…. And take off. She js a mental case not worthy and clearly dont respect you.

  9. Hi Marc and all guys on this site :), I’m a woman looking answers and found this post, actually it made more confuse ahahah… so guys I’ll be super glad with your tips…

    I met a man 14 years older than me, (I’m 29) we met online and we keep talking about 2 months everyday, He came to my country and we spent about two weeks in a road trip, we match, had an awesome time even plans for future trips, but after he came back to his country, he was less talkative… so after 2 weeks I ask him the things straight “You’re an awesome man and I like you but I don’t know what do you want”… since we live in another country I had to be clear with my intentions and what I was looking for… I didn’t have any answer from him, he just talked about other things…

    question: are you guys scared when a girl is that straight? was I in panic? is normal that you guys don’t have answer for this?

    well… long story short… I decided to stop texting him (obviously I want to know about him) but now result he also is not texting me anymore…

    question: should I text him back?

    thanks for reading me guy! and cheers up! 🙂 mens and women

    • I don’t personally think there was anything wrong with asking him his intentions and what he wants. Now, if you were all emotional and weird about it, then that might paint a clearer picture as to why he isn’t getting back to you but if were cool about it, then who knows what it could be. Maybe he just wanted to have sex with you. Maybe he lost interest. Maybe he thinks you and him don’t have a future and it’s a lot for him to think about. The best thing to do is try to communicate with him and if it’s obvious he’s avoiding you, just stand by until he reaches out.

  10. I recently met a girl on tinder. We only talked for a few minutes but it was clear we clicked since she gave me her number the next day without me asking and that was about a week ago since she texted me last. I started hitting her up everyday and now im not sure if i scared her off or what. I trief apologizing if i was coming on to strong. Unsure if i can salvage it or not

    • Women and men are both flakey. Her dog might have died. She may have met another slick guy to..Ya never KNOW..Just find a better choice!

  11. I think Marc’s points in the article are all valid whether ist a girl or guy doing this to you.
    Either way,the person is left shocked, confused, hurt, or sad by the sudden stop in communication. Its very off putting and difficult to process if your heart had real feelings for the person. Even if your mind is teeling you to shut it off and just move on, it’s hard if you feel like there was a deep honest connection.
    I had the whole connection with this guy, mental physical emotional for over five months.
    The only thing I can come up with when he just stopped replying to me out of nowhere, is that he genuinely had intimacy issues, life purpose questions, depression, and disappointment that I wasn’t available enough to see him. He mentioned that often over time. I’m a single mom, but he knew that from day one.
    My heart was broken, smashed, and then I had no outlet to tell him bc I had to pick up my pride, self respect, and just move on. So my feelings about it basically get bottle up and thrown away with his disappearance.

    • They guy is inconsiderate at best. I hate flakey people. Watch out for nrcissists as they will love bomb you then leave

  12. Hi,

    Thank you for all the points of view. It helps to get out of my head at least a little.

    I have a similar situation that’s been discussed here, started off very intense with lots of physical contact and emotional connection. We dated for a month before deciding to be exclusive bf and gf.

    Now we’re 3-months into the relationship and have been seeing each other everyday. Now, she says her recurring depression has returned, causing a sharp decline in physical intimacy, completely ignoring me when I’m not physically next to her, and sometimes saying mean things then apologizing.

    I know that anti-depressant meds can play a huge factor, as well as the depression. She doesn’t like to go out like she used to, sleeps a loooot, but still is very active on social media (especially during the times she’s ignoring me).

    I don’t try to see her everyday, and I give space when it seems like she needs it or I do, but I also know depression and I want to do whatever I can to help with that. So when she asks to hang out after work, I have been going.

    Regardless of her ignoring me during the night or day, she always tells me good morning and after work she always asks what we’re doing.

    So, here’s my question:

    I don’t condone her behavior or the way it makes me feel. Yet, I know depression and meds are a factor. How should I handle these nightly and afternoon bouts of being ignored? It is wrong for me to feel offended?

    Says she loves me very much. I told her that I’m here for her and we’ll do this ride together if she wants, and she can always tell me when she needs something or if there is something more/less I can do.

    I don’t think I text too much, and if she doesn’t reply I don’t chase. But, I still feel disrespected and unappreciated. Especially since I know she’s chatting with random and non-random peeps on IG.

    There’s more to the story, but I rambled enough. Thanks for reading and in advance for advice!

    • Honestly my man. I have dated a girl like this before. The truth is, if it makes you feel like crap, then you are definitely accepting the way she is making you feel is okay. The truth is sometimes women are to fucked up to be saved, and there is nothing you can do about it. No amount of love or support can ever bring them back from the dark side.

      Often when we start dating someone we sell them the best version of ourselves. Maybe this is just who she is and you have to decide for yourself if her depression is worth your happiness.

  13. Hey Marc,
    This is a very interesting post. Well, my case is a long distance relationship(different continents) .
    Its been years i havent felt love for someone. But in her case, I met her online about two months now. She wowed me man. We’ve been really cool and then we apparently fell in love… Lots if “I love you” and “I want you to be my forever” said.
    I really really love her man!

    Then she traveled for about a week and some days, then our communication hit the Lowest, I sent a lot of unreplied messages and then she replied one time saying the service was bad there. I sent a few texts in response but she was mute and I totally understood why I guess.

    Well, she finally sent a message that she’s on her way back home, I replied wishing her a safe trip.
    Man, afterwards she didn’t write for a few days, I wrote quite a few messages to her before she replied saying she’s been home and alive and that she lost her phone. I expressed my concern about her lost phone and tried to bring back our usual vibe. But no replies came in.

    So I sent a number of cool messages and love texts to her… Ended it with *good night, I love you*…….. Man she replies with only a “good day”. I was shocked.

    I was about sending a million texts to know what’s up with her and why she’s been distant and cold towards me. when I searched and found your website. Advice me man, please!

  14. i am dating this girl and we love each other we are both in high school. i texted her to much i think because she really hasn’t gotten back to me in a day and a half maybe more but i think i’m texting to much when i’m texting like 6 messages at a time so yeah i need help fast should i wait or what please help.

  15. HI my Chris I have friend is going through cancer and we text and call each other and we were couple and sudden she stop text me and i care about her give her space can heal?

  16. It’s not about acting like “whatever”, or being strategic. It’s about keeping your self-respect. When a woman starts doing this crap it is a clear sign of immaturity and inconsiderate behaviour. And if a woman is flirty and intimate for a while and then suddenly backs out silently and expects the man to come and read her mind( and youre not even guaranteed that this is the actual reason she disappeared), then please, it’s her who is playing games, and it’s a waste of time. Been there done that – BOTH! I tried reconnecting in some instances, in others I kept my self-respect and let it be. The latter always worked in favour of things! Keep in mind this article is not about winning her back. It is about the inner experience of a man in this situation, a lesson in composing yourself. We get really worked up in this, but all you can do is signal that you are there and are ready for getting together again. If she really needs to talk then she is free to pick up the conversation again. Guys don’t let anyone handle your self-respect for you! This article is excellent advice!

    • BRILLIANT – ABSOLUTELY – BRILLIANT. Never let your self respect and dignity or whatever you call it off the hook. Women have to be equally responsible and matured. Throw in the towel first in case you feel uncomfortable.

  17. Spent a weekend with a women had a great time including sex made plans to continue seeing each other we live in different states about 4 hours away. After an email about being out of town for a week and how when she returned she would get in touch 2 weeks later no contact from her. Sent a how was your trip email last week guess I have been ghosted only thing I am happy about is that I didn’t reach out more than once. Who knows what happened but that’s really not the point, she isn’t into me, it happens have to move on. This article just helped me realize I did the right thing by just letting go and not wasting anymore time.

  18. On behalf of women, this article is misleading and pretty much whats wrong with mens dating habits today Number 2: it doesnt matter why? Of coarse it does, women usually stop texting FOR A REASON and if a dude would just ask and then, heres the tricky part, actually listen, then maybe that shit would get worked out The majority of women dont play these stupid fucking games and the fact that so many men out there are pretending they dont care and acting like “whatever” is messed up Ive left most of my dating prospects because of this shit attitude They always realize after the fact and want to come back but guess what? We dont want to give aecond chances to lame ass men who dont know how to form a connection Keep playing games dudes, and enjoy your shitty prizes while the rest of us emotionally mature adults enjoy our loving and solid connections

    • Ummm Heather. You got it all wrong all do respect. This ain’t misconception. What marc said is all true. You may not know what men feels. But as men we do. I guarantee you 90% of the men on here will agree to what marc said. Maybe one day step in your husband or BF shoes and walk a 5 miles. Maybe you’ll see the results yourself. until then keep dam negative additude to yourself. Because what marc said. It aint immature pathetic misconception action. Its called the **Truth** what marc is saying give it time and space. Because everyone needs time space. Not all about being connected 24/7. That’s worse way to ruin a relationship. Been their and done it. We all need our own time. No matter what it is. Just sounds to me if you need be connected 24/7 you got trust issues. Reason time and space important because once you do reconnect you got something talk about WOW IS THAT AMAZING OR WHAT!!! And Your relationship stays stable because you got trust. Now if you talk 24/7 everyday you start talk less and less and less. Then BOOM. Well their goes all your hard work out the door. Pretty much you can kiss your work good bye. Just saying and what marc is saying its all about trust, time and space. Because everyone needs time for them self. Incoulding YOU heather. Think about it real hard. Then get back to me.

      • You’re not an attorney. You don’t even know how to write. And you just not pay any attention to Heather, even though she makes very good points. Men pretending they don’t care, or acting like they don’t care, or simply not caring is the number one reason women leave men who think they are great guys.

        Had a brother who loved a woman, but he was too into his “whatever” style to admit he cared. Besides, she’ll be around, right?

        Then she became engaged to a man who showed her he cared. My brother panicked and tried to win her back, but he was several month late. Took him two years to get over the heartbreak.

        You have a choice: you can show that you care and try to build a real relationship, taking a chance that it will not work, OR you can be all “whatever” and be alone at the end of life. Because, all “whatever” means is that you are afraid.

        Yes, there are callous women in the world just as there are callous men. Most of them are wired that way. Don’t be ignorant and be callous because of your ego being hurt.

        As most men know, when a woman says it’s over ….. it’s over, and she is gone. By this time, she has probably tried telling you what the issue is, but you’re not listening. My ex is a perfect example. I kept telling him I didn’t feel that he cared for me or loved me. He kept answering that he was not ready to get married. …… I told him several times, I’m not ready to get married to anyone. He hears, “Please! Marry me!!” I tried at least ten times to clarify my position, and he kept saying he didn’t want to discuss it anymore. So, I still did not feel like he cared about me….as a person, a friend, a girlfriend, a lover, and I could not stay in a relationship where I felt unwanted and unappreciated. And while I’m trying to get this across to him in plain English, he’s running away frightened because he equates “caring” to “marriage.”

        I’m sure women have their own version of this, but it was sadly disappointing and downright painful when I had to cut contact with my ex because he wanted the full relationship without any feeling, and everytime he expected me to act like his girlfriend, it became a stabbing feeling in the middle of my chest. I would have loved talking about it………….

    • The failure to communicate started when the girl decided to go all silent treatment instead of citing what was bugging her….expecting men to read minds is a BIG tell as to who is mot comminicating… sheesh! Pun intended.

      • When she stops texting and starts calling is exactly when she starts with the mind games…run away from the girl and go find a woman.

    • You sound kind of like a bitch. So we’re supposed to still respect and value your opinion and emotions when you can’t give the same in return? This article is about when a girl decides to ghost on a guy, not just about guys with whatever attitudes. Do you expect them to sit around moping over you? This whatever attitude is what we need to learn to be able to cope and keep our own dignity. Do not speak on the behalf of most women, because your ass backwards. Your opinion is appreciated, but you think of yourself to highly. Kick it down a notch.

    • I agree with Heather. Many women don’t play mind games, and in fact, I’ve had men try to play mind games with me. Sometimes women have tried to tell their partners something that is wrong with the relationship and it falls on deaf ears… then what’s a woman to do? Continue texting like everything is OK? If a man followed all of these pointers above, they’d never keep a woman for longer than a few years. It takes two to make a solid connection. Pointer #2 here is not good advice for a relationship. It DOES matter why someone doesn’t text back, regardless of their gender. And no, we can’t control what someone else does but if you did something wrong or are screwing something up own up to it and fix it.

  19. As a bisexual chick I understand the frustration from both sides.i now understand how guys feel when they’re ignored.. the feeling is terrible. Playing it cool is definitely the best thing. The frustration will soon pass 🙂 and you’ll be glad you didn’t do anything foolish.

  20. it is all about EGO.

    ‘how comes she does not want me anymore?’

    it is hard to accept and digest the fact that someone does not find you interesting anymore.It takes a great level of maturity and experience in life to NOT take such things personally.

    • Thanks Marc I needed this and have now accepted to just go on with my life and to not let my time be wasted on a girl who will never respond to me.

  21. Thank you a ton for this. It really helped at a time I needed it. Advice taken, it is what it is. Keep moving forward.

  22. If I read this before. I wouldn’t waste four years on a girl :'(((
    Really consider these writings too. I spent four years on a girl.
    Texting Over and Over her
    I feel terrible She always ignored me
    Moreover, she did a lot of bad things to remove me.
    I only texting her ’cause I loved her. I couldn’t control my emotions
    As a result, she just ignored me
    I won’t even write a text to anyone Anymore
    I took my lesson (:(:(:

  23. Hi Marc, thanks for that article, gives a lot of energy and motivation. I’m a pretty confident guy and rarely in my life have been in an emotional rollercoster like I am now.
    Met that girl 3 months ago, and since day one it’s been real passionate and intense at every level, the perfect picture.
    We live in different countries, not that far from eachother in Europe. Flew her to me, and also just took a flight myself to spend an amazing week end with her.
    Just left for a surftrip and made specific plans to do things together real soon and keep that momentum.
    3 days ago she suddenly stopped texting and Im freaking out. We were having fun, sending eachother pictures and teasing eachother and then suddenly nothing.
    I haven’t hasseled her with texts or anything and im just waiting it out, but it’s a real torture, i feel like i’ve lost her already.

    My plan is to wait a few days and I’ll try to write again in a week and suggest to fly her to me to this amazing place (she asked for it last week) , or fly back spend some time with her. Im injured and can’t really do what i was planning to do here.

    Anyways, thanks again. I’ll follow your advises but I can’t just settle with the ghosting thing (if it ends up beeing ghosting) if I still don’t hear back, then I guess I’ll have my answer..


  24. Marc, what about this: sure she’s cute and a 9 or 10, super intelligent, and laughed at all the right times when you shared stories together; but if her responses go cool, it’s not that my situation changed, it’s hers that changed. She meets dozens of flirty guys a month. Isn’t it better to accept her silence as a signal to tell her:

    “I think this relationship’s hit a wall and I’m moving on. Let’s be friends again when the time’s right, and since we’re working in the same career field and will work on projects together, let’s be cool about things.”

    I’m not going to put a woman above my career when she’s enjoying the attention of people I can’t keep out of her life. I feel I’m in the better position of being the kne to close the relationship, than to have her be the one doing it. Isn’t this how you would do it?

    • Yes, if you just be direct about it and don’t act like your feelings are hurt, not only will she be cool about it but she’ll look up to you because of it.

  25. Hi. I am a woman and I had a guy who had the whatever attitude and that what why he lost me. U cant not know what went wrong. U cant not attempt to fix it. U should try. Women appreciate effort. Just dont over do it so u do not seem desperate. If u try and it doesnt work, then u can have the whatever attitude.

  26. Hii my girl was robbed and I believe it traumatized her. Prior to the robbery she lost her mum 3 months back.
    After the robbery incident she called and I encouraged her not to dwell on the incident but after a day she started muting me and I called the second day she’s still that way.
    I assumed she was traumatized by the situation and sent her this “Hii I have been trying to find out what the matter is but you keep kicking me out. When you are okay and able to talk to me. Call me”

    • Romeo,

      After she was robbed, shortly after her mother dying, you told her not to dwell on it? Nothing says “I don’t give a shit about your feelings” like telling a woman that when she’s been traumatized she should not think or talk about it ….. when she’s around you. Did you ever think of just holding her? Of just sitting quietly and letting her talk? You basically told her you don’t care. And believe me, that reputation will get around.

  27. Hi Marc,
    I was in the same situation again for about 2 weeks that I put too much effort into sending messages and calling. About 2-3 calls a day and several messages (Not too much in my opinion good morning and good night). I already said to myself I had to stop because she was writing less and less and didn’t initiated any messages.
    Yesterday she didn’t send any good night message like the days before so neither did I. Today I said to myself she had to come up and I didn’t wrote any. So what happened? She wrote what am I doing (after severals hours) and I was doing something else. I told her I’m going for a walk (what I did) and I asked her what she is doing. She started cooking so I replied to her when she has finished eating she can call me back.
    In the meantime, finished walking and I was on your page and she called me. (from walking to the initial call it was around 2 hours or more) I guess I’m back on track.
    Stay calm, be polite and be patient.

  28. Hey Marc,

    I met this super attractive female @ the club the other night we danced and had a lot of fun. So I texted her the next day in the afternoon we were having a great conversation then she just stop texting back after a while. So I text her again after a couple of days or just play it cool and wait it out to see if she text back?

  29. Hi Marc, you are the best man, thank you so much for the advice. I really liked this part (“times out of 10, she’s 100% aware and sure of what she’s doing and showing concern and getting emotional only annoys her and kills the attraction even more.”)
    which is so true. Am enlightened.

    Thanks Big Guy 🙂

  30. Hello.

    Just had to say thank you for this article. It actually helps quite a bit to know it’s not just you.

    I sort of had been “dating” (if we really want to call it that) this gorgeous single mom for almost a year. Last July-August, it was texting 24/7 and flirting. Our first date was insanely passionate. No sex, but we really almost went there. In public. In the bushes! (We later did hook up at the end of August. Five times. In one night!)

    September was kind of “eh.” October – nothing from her. NOTHING. And this is how it went until recently: we’d talk normally for a month, then she’d ghost me.

    This past week was finally my breaking point: she was supposed to call during Memorial Day to hang out, and never contacted me at all. I told her I was mad, she apologized (and it SEEMED sincere), and two days later, she was MIA on not 1, not 2 but 3 different occasions. IN A ROW.

    This article definitely touches on things I’ve felt over the course of the year: freaking out about her inconsiderate nature, blaming myself for where it went wrong, etc. And the whole “easier said than done” add-on is very true, because as much as I’ve tried to adopt the WHATEVER attitude, that’s really not me, by nature. But I’m trying.

    And I think I’m finally going to delete her number this week 🙁

  31. Me and the girl I’ve been dating have had a bit of an interesting history, and we’ve wanted to be together for about 2 years, but could never get the timing right I guess. Anyways, we finally started dating and things were going amazing. Int he two month together we started moving pretty fast. Already said “I love you” and getting pretty serious. Then one day she just stopped texting me with seemingly no reason. It caught me pretty off guard so I freaked out a bit the first 2 days then I left a message on her phone saying I’ll give her space and she should come to me whenever shes ready. My question is how long should I wait before I just throw in the towel?

    • I don’t recommend “waiting” for anyone who is being weird. Just live your life, forget about her, and IF she wants to be in your life, she will show it. Your time is valuable. Don’t give away your self-respect.

  32. This is one of the greatest threads I’ve ever read! I love reading, I love knowledge,and I love seeking advice of how to become one of the greatest most valuable men a future partner of mine could ever have! My ambition is to be one of the greatest men to walk the earth. Well, maybe not the greatest, but that won’t stop me from trying. Anyways, you made a difference in the world and continue to do so Marc. Keep it up, thank you. And as always, stay classy!

  33. So basically I saw this girl for like a month . One day she found out her daughter had autism . So she tells me she needs a couple days to get her ducks in a row . I give her a couple days and ask her about a movie we had plans for . She said she’s sorry for being so distant this week . We end up going to the movie and hug , kiss and hold hands . Only thing is she still doesn’t initiate text with me and we don’t sleep together anymore . Went super cold .

    • Think about how hard it would hit you if YOU found out your daughter had autism. It affects the rest of your life. All of a sudden, dating IS NOT a high priority for you. Learning how to take care of and provide a comfortable life for your daughter for the rest of her life takes immediate precedence. So, please, avoid thinking negatively about someone in her situation. She has A LOT MORE on her mind and is dealing with more than you can imagine. Want to win her over? Be understanding, patient, and supportive.

  34. Thank You. I was making all the mistakes for one week. This article has brought me to the realization that it’s not going to change a thing to continue to reach out to no avail. My attitude now is very clear, move on with my life, don ‘t look, and be cool as a cat if she calls. A new perspective on how I manage to be so nice, giving, nurturing, generous, and wearing my heart on my sleeve.

    • I’m in the same boat, stopped snapping me and replying to my Instagram messages a few days after we caught up and she was saying she goes crazy around me. Could be a test or anything really but like Marc says you can’t do anything about it

      • Yup. It sucks but whatever her reason, the best thing to do is the be calm, cool, and patient.

  35. Thank you for writing this. It’s encouraging because I have for the most part been following this list. The situation I’m in is this: she used to be crazy about me and contact me nearly every day. But the last several weeks she has stopped, and it’s only been me initiating. Just when I was starting to give up on her, she texted me apologizing for being so unavailable, saying her life has been crazy and she’s been missing me. Since messaging me this, though, she still has not reached out to me. I’ve been trying to trust what she’s telling me and give her space and be patient with her. However, I have been texting her every 3-4 days just to show her I’m still thinking about her. Does this sound like an okay plan?

    • Marc,
      Just want to say a huge thank you for this article. It was the pep talk I needed, and you put some sense into my backside. All made perfect sense. Thank you.

  36. Hi, firstly your website is awesome. What if the women are SOCIAL CIRCLE and you’re flirty (say they weren’t single when you met them, but are now). On top of this conundrum you do have logistical distance so seeing them is usually an arranged thing/involves travel. I’d appreciate your take on this situation?

    Girl 1 = always super bubbly and polite in person and text (met up 4 times alone). I think the last exchange was like wishing her happy chinese new year. I texted her, she replied and continued the conversation. I can see on WhatsApp my reply to her (which asked her how she was back, something like is she up to trouble as always) is still unread and it’s two months later. I feel a bit loathe to texting again as if it condones such behaviour.

    Girl 2 = a mutual friend who I’ve met up and had a day together. She sends super long texts. Was her birthday, I texted her. She replied and continued the conversation excitedly. I replied. She replied again and continued, long long reply, and asked me how I was, hope to grab coffee soon and mentioned some holiday. I sent what I thought was a pretty decent (flirty but polite) reply saying yes coffee and adventure, said how i was, and told her she should check out something on holiday and do send some snaps, i’m sure it’ll be great. Just blue ticked. Again two months later, no initiation on her part. This is a girl who calls me exciting too.

    The GROUP text = group chat which I’m on (or was added to) which includes me and 4 girls. Girl 2 (having not initiated contact privately) texted a general how is everyone and who is free to meet up. I noted that Girl 1 (my message is still unread) replied and said yes. I felt it is impersonal and am in “wait mode”?

    Basically I’m wondering what you think about each situation with each girl and what to do when a woman group texts instead of private messages? I have met up with Girl 1 several times alone, but scared to text her given the situation. Girl 2, met up once alone since she was single. Distance doesn’t make this easier. I was going to wait till she texts me privately about the meet up on WhatsApp and have left the group thing unread so far??

  37. So we are just meant to ignore them back, wait until they message and then run to them like a puppy dog….don’t think so! Have some self respect and move on, rather than play childish mind games!

    • Read the article again. You’re basing your moves and decisions or lack of moves and decisions on her moves or lack of moves. The same as chess, poker, etc. You’re reading her to know what is wise to do next.

      • As a woman I will say some of this is great advise such as to not feel entitled to a woman, not blow up their phone and to self-reflect. A lot of this advise is not great in my opinion too and will backfire. A date doesn’t owe you anything, nothing at all. Power games is a negative reaction to this situation, similar to throwing a tantrum just a different technique. An example scenario, you meet up with your date or call and she briefly mentions she’s got a viva to present her PhD work soon or a case at court to perform on Monday. You figure this is why she’s been inactive lately. You as a grown person would’ve asked her when this is and will call her the night before or early morning to wish her luck and let her go. You will also call her after to ask her how it went. Showing genuine interest, that they’re on your mind, confidence and care towards someone you like is what keeps attraction. Showing disinterest, initiating power games is stupid and is how you self sabotage something which could’ve developed into something good, fastest way to lose a woman in this day and age as they work, earn and travel so they have options. If her interest was dying slightly as this is your character, this situation would’ve made it worse, you calling however could’ve flipped the tables. Also just saying, as I’ve heard many people do this, if you’re trying to build a relationship via text that is the quickest way to make someone’s interest shrivel up to as dry as the Sahara desert!

  38. My problem is we met we kissed she is 21 and I’m 47 but she thinks I’m 28 when i lied my age first two days lots of text now she dont even reply i have no idea why but im not texting but im crazy about her

    • Hey Ted, that’s a pretty big thing to lie about. If she assumed you were 28 and you didn’t say anything, that’s her fault for assuming. But if you TOLD her you were 28, that’s a huge hurdle to overcome because she thinks you’re a liar. In the future, just say your age.

  39. Number 2: “Knowing WHY she isn’t calling and texting doesn’t give you more control or make her reappear.”

    I disagree..If she’s not texting me because say she’s texting someone else instead or just plain ignoring me, then I have the option to say “bye then” and not bother with her anymore.

    • If she is inconsiderate and bother not to say the reason knowing the reason is worthless. To even say a bye! from you will cost your self respect.

  40. Loved the article! I’m kind of in a similar situation, however the girl was clearly into me. The problem is, she was having mixed feelings because she just broke up from a serious relationship that was about to turn into marriage. She is very traumatized by it in a way as she was cheated on several times. So I’m not sure how much of this applies. I’ve done the waiting, when I text I keep it humorous. However after a couple of texts she goes back to not answering or taking a day to do so.

    Let me know your thoughts, as I really care about this girl.


    • Yea that’s a serious one. She’s going through a lot right now and she doesn’t need some dude blowing her phone up. You also don’t want to be that “vulture guy” who swoops down when a girl breaks up with her bf. Just be cool about it, don’t be pushy, and don’t make her feel like she doesn’t have space.

  41. I first must say that I appreciate your acknowledgment of respecting a woman’s choice to give herself space. Thank you.

    Now let me challenge you.

    Why do you think it is so wrong to show concern?

    There is a huge difference between concern and obsession.

    Considering that we’re addressing mutual circumstances, the woman has a very thoroughly thought-out reason for barring communication with you.

    Allowing her space is fine, but if you genuinely want to know why she wasn’t or is not talking to you, just ask. If the reason does not matter to you but it still bothered you, express that…there is nothing sexier than a man who is emotionally aware and articulate.

    Pretending you don’t care is damaging to your relationship with any person and it is harmful to yourself to not address and tend to your emotional responses and needs.

    Please get rid of the stigma that emotions are detrimental. They are natural- and when approached maturely, they can play a very positive role in your life and relationships.

    Now, if this is not a mutual situation and you know that, then yeah, just leave her alone. But I promise you if a (mature) woman is asking you if you care about something, it’s because she’s trying to figure out if you care as much as she does.


    A woman.

    • Hi Antoinette. Think about how many guys blow up women’s phones when they stop hearing from them. 80% of guys freak out and call too much or text too much. When she stops calling and texting and you don’t respond to it, it’s a pattern interrupt and pattern interrupts catch women’s attention more than doing what all the other guys do. 9 times out of 10, she’s 100% aware and sure of what she’s doing and showing concern and getting emotional only annoys her and kills the attraction even more. Our ability to focus is at an all time low, thanks to the internet, and that includes women’s ability to focus on one guy and vice versa. If a mature woman stops calling and texting a guy she supposedly likes and then wants to know how he feels about it, she’s just playing games, seeking approval, and being immature. A mature woman will give the guy a heads up that she doesn’t want to talk to him anymore. Immature women just completely ghost the guy without an explanation and that’s why reaching out and telling her how you feel about it is a complete waste of time.

    • I hope i’m not late,I’ve been with her for 4 years but anytime i tried to talk to her about something she’s always too defensive and stubborn,I’ve loved her all my life with her but i think she things she’s my life and i cannot get rid of her cause anytime issues came up she’s always like i should give her space,Block my number,delete my whatsapp number or probably say it to my face to leave her alone that she doesnt want to see me,She’s draining my emotions and if we’ve fought 300 times i’ve went back to her 300 times,I’m always the one who reaches out to her anytime there’s an issue,is either she doesnt pick my calls or block me from reaching her. Like yesterday i was explaining to her why she doesnt give the same energy i am giving then she took it all wrong and started saying she’s tired and doesnt want to see me,We have a plan to see next week to spend some days together but she already said she doesnt want to see me and to cut the long story short anytime i tried to scold her for being wrong her best response is for us to break up and that shit makes me sad alot,i just begged her couple of hours ago and she told me what would make her happy is for me not to all her again which is exactly what i am going to do but i am afraid i’d run out of love by the time she’d be ready to come back if she wants to come back and besides its not that i dont know what to do i just dont wanna give up on her,do you think i deserve better.

    • How do you know she’s playing games when it’s a text convo? How are you so certain of that? Perhaps the convo died, didn’t warrant a response on her side, she’s busy with her studies or work/life, maybe she got ill, thought she replied, said she’ll reply later and forgot, is travelling, lost her phone, died? Acting on the opposite extreme of blowing up their phone won’t maximise attraction to you either. Its similar to throwing a tantrum just no sound, plus it’s obvious you’re overthinking. This power game of not messaging to see how she’s doing when its been a while and you miss her is unattractive and a missed golden opportunity to show your genuine interest, also expresses confidence which could rebuild some lost attraction

  42. This is absolutely the best I have ever read on this topic. Wish I read before but glad I did now as I’m in the situation. My question, when she finally does and you like them do you tell how much it bothered you?

    • Hell no. Don’t say a word about it. No matter how hard it was, pretend it wasn’t a big deal. If she asks if it bothered you, which would be very weird and narcissistic, you still say, “Nah. I was just being patient. Figured you had some stuff going on. I don’t like to freak out and bother people when they don’t get back to me.” This will multiply the attraction she feels and DEFINITELY separate you from other men because most men wouldn’t give such a nonchalant answer.

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marc summers of major league dating


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