what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women

What to Do When Women Are Being Abusive, Controlling, and Manipulative – 15 Tips

Share this article with friends

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on reddit
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on email


10 attraction destroying mindsets to always avoid

10 powerful mindsets that attract all women like a magnet

How men and women think differently and why it's important

The important 10%-15% difference between you and women

What "attraction power" is and how it works

How to create and keep attraction power

Hate Reading? Watch the Video Instead!

What Classifies Women’s Behavior As Abusive, Controlling, or Manipulative?

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - what classifies women as abusive

No matter how physically, mentally, or emotionally tough you think you are, it’s important to recognize the signs of mental and emotional abuse as well as when you’re being controlled and manipulated. Even though you may be able to handle a little bullshit at first, it will quickly wear you down and cause you to break, snap, and freak out. You will reach your boiling point and won’t be able to take back what happens after that. It’s best if you never allow it to get to that point in the first place.

Dating a lot of different women in a decade has a downside because the more women you date, the higher your chances of getting involved with some abusive, controlling, and manipulative ones. I’ve experienced being punched in the face, having a knife pulled on me, almost getting shot, being threatened with suicide, having a glass bottle thrown at my head, having money stolen, lied to about being pregnant, lied to about being the dad of the baby she’s pregnant with, falsely accused of domestic violence, and having a 2nd degree Kung Fu Black Belt, threw a round house kick AT MY HEAD! And that’s not even half of the crazy stuff I’ve seen and experienced.

It’s a numbers game – date enough women and the number of abusive, controlling, and manipulative women you encounter goes up. This should scare you because had I known how to more effectively deal with abusive, controlling, and manipulative women, like I’m teaching you in this article, it would’ve saved me a lot of time and trouble and I’d probably have a lot less physical and emotional scars, lol.

Common abusive, controlling, manipulative, and time-wasting behaviors:

  • Picking fights for no reason
  • Name calling and insults
  • Constant dishonesty
  • Deliberately excluding details to hide something from you
  • Making up stories to get approval and validation
  • Throwing temper tantrums
  • Making you walk on eggshells
  • Making you think you’re never good enough
  • Always finding a reason to be mad at you
  • Patronizing you to make themselves look better
  • Making you apologize for things you didn’t do
  • Rude and immature responses to legit concerns and problems
  • Pushing your buttons and getting under your skin knowing it bothers you
  • Threatening to leave you, hurt you, embarrass you, or commit suicide
  • Unjustified extreme bouts of jealousy
  • Keeping close tabs on you or stalking you
  • Controlling you out of fear of losing you
  • Invading your privacy out of insecurity
  • Unpredictable moods and outbursts
  • Ignoring you to get their way
  • Turning friends and family against you so they look and feel better
  • Gas-lighting you – denying something that’s true to make you look and feel crazy
  • Falsely accusing you of abuse
  • Accusing you of being controlling when you’re not
  • Always playing the victim to escape responsibility
  • Guilt tripping you over small or imaginary things
  • Destroying your property
  • Stealing things from you
  • Controlling your friendships and associations
  • Showing lack of empathy or concern for you
  • Using you to avoid taking ownership of their life and problems
  • Manipulating situations to their advantage such as getting their name on the lease so you can’t make them leave regardless of what they do or how they treat you
  • Using fake emergencies to get something from you
  • Using flattery and kindness to hide what she’s doing behind your back
  • Pretending she’s into you when she’s not because she’s afraid to upset you or she’s benefitting from the friendship or relationship such as using you for connections and resources

I’m sure you get the point. If ANYTHING seems off, weird, or sketchy about her, her behavior, or the situation, then there’s a good chance she’s attempting to abuse, control, or manipulate you and she’s wasting your time. At the end of the day, no matter how small the transgression is, it’s abuse, unfair to you, and bullshit behavior. Don’t accept it and don’t tolerate it.

Abusive, Controlling, and Manipulative Women Aren’t Always Insane, Crazy, or Psycho

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - mentally ill

Abusive, controlling and manipulative women aren’t always crazy because all people have real problems, challenges, and setbacks that influence their behavior. You do, I do, and everyone we know does. At one point or another, in our lives and regardless of the reasons behind it, we’re going to conduct ourselves in a less than ideal manner and that can create and inaccurate perception of us being abusive, controlling, manipulative, deceitful, crazy, psycho, out of our mind, and so on. Maybe a person, situation, or circumstance gets under our skin so much that we just can’t take it anymore. I’ve been there on several occasions and with several different people. Am I abusive, controlling, manipulative, crazy, or psycho? No. Far from it. It just means I have more to learn and more work to do on the way I react to and deal with certain people, situations, and circumstances and the way I respond to the emotions those situations create for me.

Bad things happen to people and 99% of the time, they’re not mentally trained, prepared, or equipped to handle it. From a terrible childhood to being raped or physically and sexually abused, women can’t predict or control how they going to react and respond to extreme events, even years after the event occurs. To be clear, I’m talking about seriously harmful events that happen to women who don’t deserve it and NOT about women who go crazy because their mom and dad don’t give them everything they want and their life isn’t perfect. Those women do exist and they are more likely to be more abusive, controlling,  manipulative, deceitful, crazy, and psycho than women who had their whole lives torn apart and flipped upside down by traumatic events.

Abusive, Controlling, and Manipulative Women Will Make You Miserable and Ruin Your Life

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - ruin your life

If you’re doing your best to make it work but she is just too far out there and doesn’t seem to care at all, end it ASAP and go your own way. It will save you ton of time, money, and happiness and possibly avoid a crazy situation or tragedy.

My dad once told me a story about sticking a gun in his mouth one night in his truck because he was so sick of his ex wife’s shit and miserable with her and I just thought, “Bro… why even take it that far? Why even stick around? Just leave. Sounds pretty straight-forward.” Fast-forward 15 years. I was driving down the highway one night, gas pedal to the floor, teeth clenched, in a rage, completely unsure of what to do, and seriously considering driving off of the overpass. I had been pushed to the point where I just wanted done with all of the bullshit. It took me sitting in the back of a police car one night at 3AM and about to be charged with a crime for me to snap out of it, think clearly, and end the abuse, control, manipulation, and deceit once and for all.

Why do things reach this extreme level? Because you love her and you have hope for her and the relationship. Simple as that. Deep down, YOU KNOW she’s doing to do better and everything will turn around. But it never turns around, does it? Of course not.

If you’re in that relationship right now and you’re miserable because she’s ruining your life and making you crazy, then here’s the hard truth – the cycle will continue until you change it. And changing it means locating your balls, being a man about it, getting away from her. Stop worrying about how she’s going to feel and how she’ll  handle it. SHE WILL BE FINE. She doesn’t need you to survive. Even if she threatens suicide, she’s not likely going to do it. My ex-girlfriend threatened it every single day and she’s still alive and well.

If you’re reading this right now, I know you’re probably in a nightmare situation and going through some serious bullshit and dealing with a lot of nonsense. I know how you’re feeling and I know how much it sucks. The following 15 tips about what to do when women are being abusive, controlling, and manipulative are to help you think straight about what you’re doing and effectively handle the situation you’re in.

1. Stop Making Excuses for Her Abusive, Controlling, and Manipulative Behavior

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - don't excuse her behavior

First and foremost, her bad behavior is HER bad behavior. If she’s not able to demonstrate self-control or the ability to treat people properly then you definitely shouldn’t be with her. Her behavior is her own fault and you don’t need to be her spokesperson. When others speak up and tell you the truth about how she’s treating you and why it’s wrong, especially when you’re complaining about it, stop creating reasons as to why her behavior isn’t as bad as it seems.

A guy I know constantly complains to me about the crazy shit his hot girlfriend is saying or doing and when I tell him to put his foot down or kick her to the curb he makes excuses for her. She’s manipulated him and convinced him that she’s not actually in control of her own behavior. He tells me that she’s stressed out with school, overloaded with work, feeling anxious, or dealing with some other problems that don’t explain her abusive and manipulative behavior. In his mind, it’s not that she’s abusing him, controlling him, or manipulating him, but it’s always “something else” that no one would understand. He refuses to accept that she’s actually in control of herself, aware of what she’s doing, and choosing to behave the way she’s behaving.

Don’t be so quick to give her a free pass because she’s convinced you she has some psychological issues and it’s not her fault. From my experience, many women are abusive, controlling, and manipulative because they’re immature, egotistical, self-centered, lacking manners, and their parents never taught them social and emotional intelligence, common courtesy, and how to treat people. A lot of the time, abusive, controlling, and manipulative women are extremely intelligent, know exactly what they’re doing, and they’re only doing it because you allow it and keep making excuses for them to people who can see straight through the bullshit and deception .

2. Set Clear Boundaries

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - set boundaries

Unconditional love doesn’t mean staying with someone and loving them even if they treat you horribly. Love should be conditional and it should definitely come with boundaries on how you’re treated. If you want to love someone who mistreats you, do it from a distance.

While you should definitely do your best to be empathetic and understanding towards women who have been through some horrible and traumatizing events and are dealing with the psychological results of them, you should still have clear boundaries on how people treat you. Don’t ever allow women to mistreat you and use those unfortunate events as an excuse for the bad behavior. It doesn’t matter how hot she is, how good she is in bed, or how terrible her story is – if she treats you like crap because her ex-boyfriend treated her like crap, it’s inexcusable. Do not allow it to continue happening. Set a boundary and make it clear you won’t accept the excuses and you expect her to demonstrate some common courtesy and self-control.

There are women who have endured nightmare situations and are still kind, loving, and considerate human beings. They don’t allow the darkness to overcome and ruin their relationships with people. They make the conscious decision to be a good person and treat people with respect regardless of the amount of disrespect they’ve endured. It’s a conscious choice not to tie the trauma or problems to their identity and pull it out everytime something happens that makes them uncomfortable.

3. Stop Trying to Save Her

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - don't save her

SHE is responsible for her mindset, behavior, and habits and how she reacts to her emotions. You’re not her savior who’s going to fix her.

For 3 years, I stayed in a relationship to “help” an abusive and manipulative girlfriend who made me hate my life. She sold me the story that life had been hard and unfair and her life was in shambles because her ex-boyfriend destroyed everything she had going for herself. I bought every word of it. I never considered that maybe she created all of the problems and was simply dodging responsibility for them. I didn’t figure any of it out until it was too late and I was stuck. Everyday I thought, “I’m a great boyfriend. I’m doing the right thing by not abandoning her.” and “I’m a good person for sticking with her no matter what.” I thought unconditional love would help her get better and fix her life. It didn’t. In fact, the more I helped her, the more self-centered, egotistical, abusive, manipulative, and ungrateful she became. She lied about having a driver’s license and knowing how to drive and wrecked my car, cheated on me for over 6 months with a guy I grew up with, used my money for drugs instead of bills, lied about me to people I knew, and then used the lease I put her on to help her improve her credit to stay living at my place when I wanted her out. Police told ME to leave the place that I paid for if I didn’t want to be around her. Complete nightmare. Just to get away from her, I had to go work in another city, save a bunch of money, secretly come back into town, and sign a lease on a new house without her knowing. Only then was I able to legally make her go away. ALL BECAUSE I WANTED TO HELP.

I learned my lesson the hard way and I don’t want you to go through anything like what I did. Let her figure out her problems on her own. Don’t absorb the burden so she thinks you’re a great guy. It’s not worth it in the end because most people don’t truly appreciate what you do for them anyways. Help yourself as much as you can right now so that in the future if you want to help someone, it doesn’t rob you of your own personal value in the process.

If she has a bunch of problems when you meet her and tells you it’s because of bad “luck”, don’t believe it. Chances are she created those problems, she’s playing the damsel in distress, and wants you to save her. Don’t do it. You’re asking for trouble.

4. Understand It’s Easy to Get Tricked by Abusive, Controlling, and Manipulative Women

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - it happens to all men

If you’ve never spent time around abusive, controlling, and manipulative women, chances are you won’t see them coming. If you happen to be in a relationship with one right now, there’s no reason to beat yourself up about it. Most men don’t notice the red flags because they’re so smitten and blinded by emotional excitement. In fact, studies show that a lot of highly-intelligent people unwittingly get themselves into abusive relationships.

Many of the women I dated that turned out to be abusive, controlling, and manipulative were charming, energetic, and seemed to be well put together. They impressed me, said the right things and at the right time, and the showmanship swept me off of my feet, overloaded me with emotion, and caused me to quit using my brain. I caught myself thinking about my future with them in a scary short amount of time because they convinced me they were nearly perfect.

Abusive, controlling, and manipulative women can be very elusive and put on a very good act to slide under the radar. They’ve done it with other men and they’ll do it with you. In fact, many of these women seem almost too good to be true. That’s the scary part. Don’t fall for the hype. Listen to that voice in the back of your mind telling you, “I don’t know, bro. Be cool. She seems almost unrealistically perfect. Something might be a little off here. There’s more going on than what she’s letting you see.”

5. If She Seems Too Perfect, Slow Down and Pull Back

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - slow down

Very important to remember: If she blows you away, fascinates you, and seems almost too perfect to be true, instead of thinking you hit the jackpot, getting blinded by emotion, and losing your ability to think, rationalize, and analyze, slow down and try to observe what she’s really about. Avoid jumping into ANYTHING with her head first. If she’s the real deal and not being fake, you will notice consistent behavior and nothing too weird or sketchy. You don’t need to watch her in the sense of hiring a private investigator or being a peeping tom, but it’s important to slow down, hang out, ask questions, and collect data to determine if she actually is who she looks like she’s being or she’s being dishonest and fake to manipulate your impression and opinion of her. Usually after a few weeks, maybe even a few days, when she begins to get comfortable, her true personality and character begins to rise to the surface. At that point you will notice one of two things:

  • Consistent and normal behavior indicating she’s a genuine and normal person who doesn’t have motives other than spending time with you and getting to know you
  • Or sketchy and abnormal behavior – red flags and warning signs that indicate you should probably not get heavily involved with her

Pulling back and observing is extremely important because most people can’t keep the mask of who they want you to think they are on for long. It usually comes off sooner than later. If you take a ball and force it to the bottom of some water, you won’t be able to hold it there forever. Eventually, you will get tired and when you let go, the ball will shoot straight up to the top. That’s exactly what happens when people are putting on an act, manipulating you, deceiving you, covering things up, and being fake. They can’t hold it forever. That’s why it’s so important to pull back and wait. Let whatever she’s hiding rise to the surface.

You have to be cool because if she senses you’re skeptical, she’ll work extra hard to keep the mask on and keep everything under the surface for longer. But, if she doesn’t feel you’re analyzing, judging, or watching her, she’ll relax and reveal her true colors faster. When it happens, based on what pops up, that’s your opportunity to assess your friendship or relationship with her and make decisions about your level of involvement with her.

6. Don’t Tell Her She’s “Crazy” or “Psycho”

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - dont call her crazy or psycho

No one likes being labeled and called names. One sure way to send her into an abusive blind rage and over the edge is to tell her she’s psycho or a crazy person. Even IF she actually is acting crazy and psycho, chances are it’s a temporary state of mind that she’ll snap out of. It’s not wise to needlessly make it worse by making her feel insulted. You’re only making the situation more intense and stressful for yourself and everyone involved. IF she actually is psycho or crazy and, in her mind, the lines of right and wrong are very blurred, then you’re putting yourself in an even worse situation by running your mouth.

If someone is acting in a manner that you don’t appreciate, the way to begin to resolve the problem and improve the behavior is to treat them with some respect and more in the way you’d like to be treated. Belittling them and making them feel worse about themselves only intensifies the extreme emotions they’re feeling.

7. Remain Emotionally Detached

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - emotionally detached

Abusive, controlling and manipulative women are usually out-of-control of their emotions and do very little to improve it. Their emotions are driving the car and their logic, thinking, and problem-solving abilities are locked in the trunk. When emotions come up, they react without thinking. Other women, who are more in control of themselves, respond better to the emotions they’re feeling and experiencing. It doesn’t mean they’re feeling and experiencing less emotions – it means they’re actually thinking and making better decisions about how to respond to the emotions they’re feeling.

Responding to a highly emotional person who’s thoughtlessly reacting with your own extreme emotions is like trying to put out a fire with an, even hotter, fire. It’s dumb and makes no sense. To put out a hot fire you need cooler temperature water. To cool her down, you need to be calmer and of sounder mind. Regardless of the emotions her abusive and crazy behavior is causing you to feel, you need to actually think about what you’re doing before you respond. The best way to do this is practice emotional detachment. Don’t give into the feelings. Snap yourself out of the moment. Don’t let the situation have power over you. If the situation has power over you, you lose your ability to have power over the situation.

Detach from the situation as much as you can. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s possible to take a step back, collect your thoughts and get yourself together, and prevent yourself from responding in a highly emotional manner.

8. Be Cool, Stay Calm, and Don’t Freak Out

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - stay calm

One of the biggest reasons it’s important to emotionally detach as much as possible around women are being abusive, controlling, and manipulative, is because it helps you stay calm. Calm creates calm. A good way to make a tense situation worse is to be the second person in the room freaking out.

The more out-of-control and abusive she becomes, the more self-controlled you become. The more she flips out, the calmer you become. When she sees her behavior isn’t getting results and she doesn’t have power over you or the situation, as David Goggins says, it takes her soul. It kills her abusive spirit. She sees it’s completely pointless.

Check out this video of a gorilla charging this man. He doesn’t flinch and the gorilla stops charging him and trying to intimidate him because he realizes the man isn’t scared, he isn’t getting any results with his behavior, and he doesn’t have power over the man. When she’s being a tyrant and trying to get under your skin, this approach works miracles.

9. Don’t Give In

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - don't give in

The more power an abusive, controlling, and manipulative woman believes she has over you, the more she’s going to continue doing the things you don’t like. “Giving in” to get the abuse, controlling, manipulation, and craziness to stop actually encourages more of it. She’s used to getting what her way with you and other men – and again, she got it.

When you give in, she knows she owns you. She knows she can turn on the “crazy switch”, throw a tantrum, manipulate you, deceive you, and become abusive and you’ll give in and give her what she wants.

When circus elephants are young, their trainers put a much bigger rope than necessary around their ankle to keep them from trying to run away. The little elephant kicks, squirms, and fights but can’t break it. Eventually, the elephant believes that no matter how hard it tries to break the rope, it won’t. When the elephant grows and becomes an adult, it no longer tries to break the rope and get away. The elephant is absolutely sure it can’t and won’t break the rope.

The same is true when you don’t give into her moods, manipulation, deceit, and abusiveness. You’re the big rope and no matter how hard she tries, she won’t be able to break it. Once she’s convinced that no matter what she does you’re not going to budge, she’s more likely to stop the bad behavior because she sees it isn’t effective.

My ex-girlfriend locked me out of the house one time when she was being threatening and abusive so I pretended it wasn’t cold outside, pulled up a chair, kicked back, and watched the sunset without saying a word or showing it bothered me. She kept opening the blinds, insulting me, and no matter what she did, I didn’t react or respond. She eventually unlocked the door, insulted me some more, and asked me what MY problem was. When she saw her behavior was ineffective, she calmed down, talked to me like a normal person, and we made peace for that night.

When you don’t give in, she’s more likely to reflect on her own behavior, compare it to how you’re conducting yourself, and she’ll feel stupid for acting so childish. It doesn’t work with everyone, but it’s a great psychological trick.

10. Don’t Be Submissive and Afraid

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - don't be submissive afraid

Submissive men don’t earn women’s respect and they get eaten for lunch by the abusive, controlling, and manipulating ones. A lot of the time when women mistreat you, it’s because you’re too submissive and come across as weak and cowardly. They see it as an opportunity to dominate you. If you get mistreated in one relationship after another, the likely culprit is you’re a “yes” man, you don’t speak up, and you’re too passive. When women talk to you and treat you in a way that is abusive, controlling, and manipulative, instead of making it clear you’re not cool with it, you become afraid of upsetting her more and you submit to her in hopes that she’ll calm down and treat you better.

When you’re under attack by an abusive woman or person, attack meaning psychological, emotional, verbal, physical abuse, or anything that clearly isn’t cool, you have to quickly communicate and establish that you’re not prey and you won’t be dominated or intimidated. In the wild, animals do this by showing teeth, holding eye contact, making themselves bigger, widening their stance, and making their hair stand up. As humans, the best way to do it is by showing you’re a hunter and not the hunted. Prey and submissive people are extremely reactive. They avoid eye contact, make fast and jerky movements, breathe fast, their heart rate elevates, and they look scared and worried. Hunters and dominant people who don’t tolerate abusive, controlling, and manipulation stay calm, plant their feet into the ground, make slow movements, breathe slowly, and are very non-reactive. They don’t jump and spook easily. The way to become more dominant instead of looking like prey is to make up your mind that you’re not going to let anyone treat you like shit and disrespect you. Make it firm in your mind. The more you believe it, the more likely you are to effectively communicate it when women are crossing a line.

Jocko Willink, former Navy Seal Commander of Task Unit Bruiser and black belt in Jiu Jitsu, says when someone is getting aggressive, abusive, and trying to dominate and manipulate you, you’re more likely to get hurt if you become submissive. But if you stand up to them, it’s less likely that they’ll strike or attack. He says most people looking to pick a fight aren’t expecting someone to be like, “Oh, you wanna fight? Awesome. I love fighting. Let’s do this.” It catches them off guard, freaks them out, and is more likely to get them to stop.

Submitting to her doesn’t solve problems. It only intensifies the current problems, as well as, creates more. When she knows she can startle you and get a rise and a reaction out of you, she’ll take advantage of it. When she knows it doesn’t affect you, it’s pointless to her.

There were plenty of times when women in the abusive and unhealthy relationships I was in were looking for trouble and instead of being scared, I stood still, controlled my breathing, remained calm, and made it clear I was completely comfortable with whatever she was about to say or do. That I was ready for confrontation if they actually wanted it. When they saw I was willing to out-crazy them and handle whatever they were about to unleash, most of the time, they backed down and stopped. When they didn’t back down and saw their behavior still didn’t get a reaction from me, they lost their motivation and then stopped.

Let’s be clear about a very important thing – dominance is a mental game. Yelling, screaming, hitting and lacking self-control doesn’t make you dominant, intimidating, tough, or scary. It’s an overreaction to compensate for what you’re lacking. It might work for a brief second but, in the long run, you accomplish nothing. Children yell, scream, hit and throw tantrums. It only makes you weak and vulnerable and makes the situation worse. It clouds your judgement and leads to horrible decisions. Being an actually dominant person is displaying mental toughness, self-control, and the ability to stay calm while she’s losing her mind and being abusive. It’s letting her know she can’t rattle you no matter what she does.

11. Put Your Foot Down – Be Direct and Honest

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - be direct honest

Since abusive, controlling, and manipulative women can definitely make you miserable, you have to develop the ability to be direct and honest when necessary. It’s necessary to lose your fear of her walking out of your life. Many men don’t speak up because they’re afraid of losing her and it’s mostly because her hotness or companionship is attached to their self-esteem. It’s crucial to stop caring if you lose her. It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who treats you like shit.

It takes balls and courage to be direct and say, “I’m not going to tolerate this anymore. Enough is enough.” This doesn’t mean you should wait until the pressure builds up and you explode. Explosions of anger don’t result in anything beneficial. They only do more damage. Ideally, you want to be direct and honest every single time she crosses a line and becomes abusive, controlling, and manipulative. You don’t have to be a jerk but you want to clearly address the behavior and communicate what your expectations and standards are and why they’re important to you. If you let 10 things slide but explode on the 11th, she’s going to, one, think she can get away with anything around you and, two, think you’re the one with the problem when you lose your mind on her. But, if you address it every single time she crosses a line, she’ll be more educated on what you do and don’t like and more likely to respect it. She’ll know you’re going to say something everytime she behaves poorly and she’ll become less likely to do it. If you act like a jerk on the 11th time, it should only be because you already told her 10 times. Addressing each infraction communicates you don’t tolerate abuse, manipulation, and nonsense from anyone.

Keep in mind that along with having the balls and courage to be direct, you also have to be willing to face what follows a moment of extreme honesty and directness. Many women flip out and become even more abusive when they realize they’re at the end of their rope and they’re losing power and control of you and/or the relationship. When they feel they’re running out of options and becoming exposed or vulnerable, they can outrageously overreact in a desperate attempt to get out of the trouble they’re in with you or to get some of the power back. A lot of men are never direct and honest and they remain in abusive relationships because they know she’ll freak out and they don’t want to deal with the drama. They’re afraid of how crazy things might get. They’re in damage-control mode because they figure she’ll go berserk, destroy the place, and even hurt them. If you want to get the abusive relationship under control and you want the manipulation and deceit to stop, you have be willing to stand up to her and accept and embrace any chaos that follows. Rip the band-aid off. Get your umbrella out and get ready for the storm.

Again, this is important – remain calm no matter what happens. Stand your ground. Don’t react to anything she says or does. Become as extremely non-reactive as you can. No matter how out-of-control she is, remain in control of yourself. What you’ll notice is your non-reactivity will make her mad at first and after she realizes she can’t get you to react, she’ll tire out and calm down. If the situation becomes violent or dangerous, definitely do not hit her back because the cops don’t care who’s fault it was and who started it. You’ll get arrested. Walk away, drive away, turn off your phone, and allow her to calm down.

12. Cut Her Off ASAP

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - leave the relationship

Abusive women and abusive relationships are toxic to your health and well-being. It doesn’t matter how healthy you are, how well you eat, and how often you work out, they will still bring you down and make you sick if you don’t get out of them.

I have tried staying in one relationship after another hoping she will chill out, learn, grow, change, and become better – but it never happens. Save yourself the trouble. There are plenty of other women out there who are better for you.

You may not see it now, but the longer you stay with her or continue being friends with her, the more you’re going to look back on it in the future and feel like a complete jackass for not dumping her sooner. Do yourself a favor and just get away from it.

13. Don’t Contact Her Anymore

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - no contact rule

If you want her out of your life, you have to be absolutely serious, take action, follow through with it, and stick to your decision. If you play around and are immature about it, then you’re only bringing the abuse, control, and manipulation on yourself. There’s no, “I don’t like the way she treats me and talks to me but I still want to have sex with her” or “She mistreats me but I still love her”. Done is done. Moving on means actually moving on. No missing her, hoping she’s changed, and inviting her back into your life. She’s not the only one with a mouth or vagina you can poke. It’s far less painful to move on from her than it is to keep her around.

14. Be Prepared for Her to Fight for You

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - she will fight for you

When you end an abusive relationship, many controlling and manipulative women don’t willingly disappear from your life. They can be like a mental patient kicking, screaming, and scratching the walls as they’re drug to a padded cell. They’ll obsessively call and text and if you change your number, they’ll go out of their way to find out the new one. They call your friends and family just to get you “hear them out” or they’ll play the victim so people will listen. They’ll find ways to see you and they might even show up at your job. That’s the bad news. But, the good news is if you just stand your ground and remain persistent that you’re done and there are no more chances, they’ll eventually give up. Another guy will come along and their attention will get diverted to them. Eventually, they fade out of your life, you get some relief, and you can move on in peace.

15. What to Do If You Keep Attracting Abusive, Controlling, and Manipulative Women

what to do around abusive, controlling, manipulative women - look at yourself

If you keep attracting controlling, abusive, manipulative, deceitful, and unstable women, it’s a sign you have work to do on yourself to improve your mindset, beliefs, and habits. You need to make big changes to become someone who doesn’t attract and isn’t attracted to abusive and unstable women. The more you improve as a person, the more the people and situations you attract will improve as well.

Years ago, all I did was attract women that were bad for me because I always had my mind in the wrong place and I was constantly feeding my mind junk. I was in one unhealthy and toxic relationship after another with women who treated me badly until I started figuring out what my issues were, how they related to my problems, and what I had to do to move myself in the right direction and solve those problems. The problem wasn’t the women, the problem was my mindset, decisions, and behavior. Once I changed my mindset, decisions, and behavior, I appealed to different group of women that treated me better and I went on to have better, healthier, and happier relationships.

In my eBook and Audiobook How to Quit Being a Loser With Women, the book I want you to buy today and read, you’ll learn that you attract similar-minded women into your life on a constant basis. That you attract your mirror image and you are “the woman on your arm”.

If you want your dating life and results to change, you have to make changes to yourself. If you want to stop attracting abusive, manipulative, and controlling women, you have to work on yourself and make absolutely sure you’re not behaving the same way.

Thanks for reading,

– Marc Summers

Share this article with friends

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on reddit
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on email

1 Comment on “What to Do When Women Are Being Abusive, Controlling, and Manipulative – 15 Tips

  1. This was a absolutely brilliant almost a perfect carbon copy of my relationship for the last 5 years of my life you get blinded simply because you think you can and will turn the situation around and ultimately be happy.
    Don’t make the same mistakes i made you will never control the outcome and i mean NEVER.
    I have waisted 5 year of my life with a vindictive controlling manipulative crazy woman i should write a book to help others men.
    This was a very interesting read made me think and reflect

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Hi, I'm Marc Summers

marc summers of major league dating

I used to suck big time with women, dating, and relationships even though I was nicer than other guys, tried my hardest, and followed all of the dating advice. The women I landed, unsurprisingly, weren’t very picky or hard to get and I regularly got cheated on and dumped. Despite being the nice, generous, thoughtful, and loving guy I thought women wanted, once they got to know me, the attraction disappeared.

The day my girlfriend left me for her ex 30 minutes after hearing he got out jail was the day I decided to get serious, figure out EXACTLY what I was doing wrong, and make some changes.

The next 5 years of my life were spent focusing only on studying psychology, human behavior, effective communication, and leadership, and meeting and dating one woman after another to test out and fine tune what I was learning.

You know what became obvious very quickly?

Your dating and relationship problems have nothing to do with the women and have everything to do with your mindset, behavior, habits, and decisions.

Once you figure out what’s wrong and fix the problems in each one of these areas, your dating life will become easier, less stressful, and more rewarding. 

To share the powerful information I learned and make you better with women, dating, and relationships, I’ve written multiple best-selling books and have helped over 1-million men get better results. No matter how screwed up and hopeless your situation seems right now, I can help you improve it.

Helpful Books & Services

dating and relationship advice for men

Dating and Relationship Coaching – via Phone, FaceTime, Skype, Duo, or WhatsApp

masters kit

The Master’s Kit – 25% off ALL eBooks & Audiobooks

woocommerce product how to quit being a loser with women ebook and audiobook

How to Quit Being a Loser with Women – Everything you’re doing wrong and how to fix it

woocommerce how attracting women really works ebook and audiobook

How Attracting Women Really Works 2nd Edition – What to think, do, and say to make women want you as more than just a friend

woocommerce product declare war on yourself ebook and audiobook

Declare War on Yourself – Boost self-esteem and confidence. Become more mature. Attract higher-quality women.

woocommerce product 99 bad boy traits ebook and audiobook

99 Bad Boy Traits – How to quit scaring away with nice behavior

woocommerce product 72 ways to get her back ebook and audiobook

72 Ways to Get Her Back – How to rebuild the attraction and get her back for good

woocommerce product texting titan ebook and audiobook

Texting Titan! – Proven strategies for texting women and creating attraction through text


Top Advice

Happy Customers


Thank you for the advice Marc. I’m a great fan of you and your work. I find your work really good and effective. Keep it up.


Your stuff is the best I have heard so far! It gives me hope because I know I CAN become better with women. I am attractive, physically fit, but was having all the bad luck with women because I was just thinking and doing things wrong. It all makes better sense now. Thanks!

Kenneth J.

Hey bro, I just want to thank you personally for your book. I listen to it everyday and keeps my mind in the right place. Your blunt and to the point. It's helping me grow my business and stay focused on what really matters. I love everything you have in it. I'm finding out myself that buying stuff is an endless road and you really helped me ponder on the meaning behind all that. So many awesome things in your book. I have read hundreds of books over the last few years and yours is the gem. I'm on my fifth time through it and still just as impactful as the first. From all the books, you're the only one I've felt inspired enough to send a personal message too. Most books get you pumped up temporary but then they have no practical application for life. Yours does. It's the real deal. I'm selling my car and I get the things you hit on. Hope we can meet in person one day. Thanks again and just want you to know you're changing my life. Buying stuff is useless. Like a rock. I love it man. And I just experienced my own thing that validates everything I've been listening to in your book. Anyway, I could go on and on but I'll stop here. Much success to you.


Wow. This is good stuff. I love Marc's whole body of work. Thanks a lot! You have truly helped me and I noticed fast results.


I used to have trouble striking up conversations with women and often put my foot in my mouth when things started well. Thanks to MLD, I've realized little things I was slipping up on and now my dialogue, posture, and mindset feel almost instinctual. Needless to say, it has helped my social and love life tremendously.


I just finished read your 2 books (how to quit being a loser & 99 bad boy traits) I just wanna thank you so much, my life has changed from the day I started read your free articles on your website, and it really changed me so much more after I purchased the eBooks. I can really felt and sense how women respect me more and felt their attractions towards me after I changed my mindsets and actions. Your taught its universal regardless of our culture and tradition. Thank you so much.


Thank you for this gem of a book!


Thank you. I don’t know you but from your emails, articles, videos and products, I like you as a person, you have class and are straight up. Thanks again.

J. Hardie

Marc's advice matches what I've seen work best, and unfortunately a lot of the stuff he accurately tells you NOT to do, I've done... Repeatedly. So in my experience, this guy's advice is almost 100% spot on.


I’ve seen so many more other dating advices, dating coaches, boot camps and Pick-up artist communities.So it has open my mind and curiosity. But everyone wants to make Big money off on poor suckers..So i had to be careful of the scam artist and those coaches that are charging an arm and a leg for their advice. Well I read a bit of your stories on your page before buying your product and you sounded more legit without trying to Rip-off someone for sharing a valuable experience and information.


Your eBooks and audiobooks are a wonderful resource in helping not only my dating aspect of life but my ENTIRE life in general. Thank you so much for your insight and expertise in all the information you make available.

Mr. 404

Great listen. I always listen to this audio when I need a booster to stay on track.


Life Changing. The principles here go beyond porn and masturbation. Principles such as get more sleep, the reptilian brain, journaling, etc. Such an amazing list. I highly recommend this to anyone.


Honestly other than the Bible, best book I have read in my life in regards to making changes in my life.

D. T.

A wise man surrounds himself with coaches and mentors to make himself better and I’ve done that for a long time now. But out of all the coaches I’ve ever worked with, you bring so much more to the table and you’re talking about things that even the famous “experts” I’ve listened to never talk about or get close to touching on. I write so much down that it’s like drinking out of a fire hydrant because you provide so much valuable information in such a short amount of time. Your charisma is contagious and my mind explodes with thoughts, ideas, and possibilities when I do these sessions. Thanks for that. Definitely sticking with the program for a while because even after our first session and reading your books I was immediately getting better responses from women.


Awesome book Im glad I came across this. This will help me to overcome this nasty habit. I’m on my way to a great lifestyle thanks to this book thank you.


I was amazed at your ebook. It is pretty awesome. I think that is one of the best 19 dollars I have ever spent. I am 35, single, and have managed to stop masturbating for almost 5 months. I am doing it mainly for religious reasons. The benefits soo far are amazing and I am amazed. You’re fucking awesome, man.


All of this advice is very true, but also very hard to do. great book, great advice.


I liked how the fundamentals were solid and sound and I think that a book like this is useful even for people familiar with the predecessors who inspired the content. It’s still great information and men need to remember it and learn it. One thing reaches me, another may reach you. This may be the book that you need.


I have learned so much so quickly and it didn’t take long for you to teach me that I’ve been doing the wrong things my whole life!